I'm having a hard time differentiating whether someone is checking someone else out or just staring. I've only started noticing looks in my direction recently (don't know why..I'm average at best)...I don't know if they were there before, but I really couldn't care less then. I'm 25, very inexperienced, easily intimidated and don't know shit about dating, so there are a few things I'd like to know. When a guy is looking at another guy for an extended period of time on multiple instances... 1. Does that mean he's gay? 2. Should I approach or wait to be approached? 3. How much does a negative response hurt? The one time I realized someone was hitting on me was when a waiter was asking me questions every time he walks by...and then gave me his number on the receipt (I didn't notice it till the receipt).
If you make eye contact with someone repeatedly, you can go talk to him. If he seems to be initiating eye contact repeatedly, you should definitely go talk to him. If you have the nerve to approach, you should not wait to be approached. This can lead to you both waiting for the other person to make the first move, indefinitely. How much it hurts to be rejected is dependent on how much you have emotionally invested in it.
Honestly, there's no really obvious way to tell if you're being hit on or not. Unless, like the waiter, they make it really obvious. A wink and a smile probably means you are. But just a few days ago, I was out with a group of friends, and there was another guy in the bar that looked a lot like a friend of mine. So I kept looking over at him, trying to decide whether it was Adam or not. He might have determined that I was trying to make a move, but honestly, I wasn't. 1. Consider prolonged eye contact to be a positive sign, but certainly not a definite. 2. Approach if you have any interest. It helps if you have some sort of opening conversation topic besides "You were looking at me . Does this mean you're gay and interested?" It doesn't have to be a brilliant one. "Excuse me - I really like your shirt. Can I ask where you got it?" "Sorry for asking, but I noticed your cocktail, and I was looking for something different to drink. Can I ask what it is?" Anything that gets conversation started. You might notice during this simple conversation that the guy doesn't sound interested or all that engaged with you, in which case you can bow out easily enough once the basic conversation ends. If he sounds happy to talk, feel free to nudge the conversation along. 3. If you follow the hints I gave above, "rejection" will simply be "the guy didn't seem that interested in continuing the conversation, so apparently he wasn't gay or interested". That helps keeps the ego from getting overly bruised. Lex
from my limited experience here's what i know about staring....staring between men falls into two categories: 1. Stare with obvious smile or flirtatious eyes and smile...This is the "hi im gay and i'm interested in you stare" 2. blank stare, no smile, no deep eyes, not angry but not inviting either. i call this the "confusion stare". this is mostly used by bi's, closeted types, or people in general that think you are weird looking or they think they know you from somewhere. Stare #1 is refreshing. it's clear, you knwo you are being checked out and you know that the person is gay. slamdunk. if you're interested go over and strike up conversation. People that stare in general are passive or passive aggressive and fairly rarely ever come over and say anything. They feeel as though they are doing the work and opening the door by staring at you and they want to you act accordingly and make the next move. i feel as the person staring should come over but that's just me. anyway, if you receive stare #1, then you're free to make conversation or whatever if you want to since you know the guy is gay. straight men do not smile while staring at you. Stare #2. this is a tough one because the cold face stare could men they think you're hot, they want to fight you, they think they know you from somewhere, they think your outfit is great or they think your outfit or your face is hideous. they coudl be gay, bi, closeted, or straight. you just do not know. the problem with these starers is that they do not give any indication as to why they are staring. no smile, no small talk, nothing. you could think they guy is gay and stare adn smile back adn then he could look at you like WTF are you smiling at me for? my point with these stares is that you have to decide if it is worth it. they are staring at you for something and if you think the guy is hot enough then maybe you take the risk and stare back or if he keeps staring, you can go up and say, "hi, you seem like you recognize me, do we happen to know each other?". in general straight men do not stare at other straight men. there is a homophobia that is strong among straight men so they may glance and stare away but they will not stare at you for very long. so there's more of a 50/50 chance he is gay and into you. staring leads nowhere in my opinion. so for #2 starers, i usually just weigh if he is worth it or not. im not interested, i just ignore. if i am interested, i will atleast say hi and try and strike up a conversation. i have only once had a guy that is staring at me actually come over and strike up conversation with me and long story short that ended nowhere. i'm still trying to figure out if he is gay. lol.
