Hello. I'm androgynous (subcategory of genderqueer) but I do want to take hormones. I'm afraid that if I do start taking hormones now, I will change a lot, and I'm not quite ready to come out to my family yet (i'm afraid), especially my grandparents (see dad's side every week, see mom's side every few months or so). If I do start hormones, I would get breasts, which I could hide with a binder. But body shape and facial appearance is another thing. There are short female haircuts, I could switch a bit around and It would be like a guy haircut. I know my bone won't change from estrogen, but I'm afraid that my face will still not look "manly" enough. Does anyone with experience in this subject have anything to add? Even if you don't have experience I would like some advice. I'm currently 19. I heard that the later you wait to start hormones, the lesser the breast growth is/ the body changes. Is this true? Therapy is a hard decision, but I think I will go through with it to figure some stuff out. What are your experiences with therapy? Was it useful/ beneficial? What exactly happens in therapy? Also, I know it's probably a touchy subject to many ppl, so if you have knowledge of my next question, you can send me a personal message. I know I want to keep my man parts right now, as I identify as a male and a female. I do not think an expensive surgery would be right, but I could always change my mind if I come to any conclusions in therapy. Here's my question. For those of you who are on estrogen, does the penis get as hard as it was before estrogen; are there any changes sexually? Thank you in advance to anyone and everyone who has any kind of advice/ knowledge to contribute.
Yes, the longer you wait, the less effective the hormones are on changing your body. In my experience, therapy was really nice and helped me work through a lot of issues. It also gave me tools to fight off depression and low self-esteem. What exactly happens is up to you, honestly. It depends on what you share and how open you are to the therapy. Estrogen does change your sexuality, but often in ways you don't expect. Sometimes it makes you more sexually aware, but the gender you're attracted to doesn't change. Sometimes you become bisexual. Other times you become more open to emotional relationships with genders that you aren't sexually attracted to. It's different for each person. There is a myth that estrogen increases sexual attraction toward men. Often people will say that they had no attraction toward men before HRT and were straight. Then poof! One day, they woke up and didn't like women and liked men. This is BS. Don't believe it. Sexuality does change, but it isn't a 180 or extreme. It's often subtle and doesn't change much of anything.
Honestly, this is different from person-to-perrson, but your penis will shrink. How much depends on your body. Myself, it shrank considerably and doesn't become fully erect anymore. So, yeah, if I ever wanted to use it--I probably never would--I would have difficulties.
Under no circumstances should you remotely consider hormone therapy unless and until you've had *extensive* psychotherapy and real clarity about what you want and who you are.. If you do things the way you are supposed to, that should automatically be part of the deal, but some people get medications underground and that can have really disastrous results. And many of the changes from the hormones are permanent. There are already people out there who started hormones and then realized that they weren't certain that was what they wanted... and if they'd played by the rules and sought quality counseling first, they would have avoided a lot of heartache. It sounds to me like you aren't certain where you are as far as your sexual identity. So the very first step, before you do anything else, is to explore that with a really competent therapist experienced with gender issues, and, if it were me, I'd probably see a couple different therapists to get different input about it. There's no question that hormone therapy is immeasurably valuable for people that need it... but it is an issue that, moreso than almost any other decision in life, needs to be really carefully considered.
From people I've spoken with, although hormone effects are less noticeable the later you start them, it is not a serious issue unless you wait til your 30's or so to transition. There are plenty of great examples of successfully transitioned women who started in their 20's. So if you want to wait longer before starting to make sure it is the right decision for you, then definitely take your time. The only thing that makes it more difficult later (like me at 24-25) is that you will have additonal years of testosterone working on your system. You may want to just take an anti-androgyn to at least stop testosterone then hold off on the estrogen til you're ready. Also, from everything I've read, your "stuff" pretty much stops working after a while. Some people are still able to maintain erections with the help of viagra and whatnot, but for the most part your male libido is greatly lessened and your genitals don't function the way the normally would. I've seen videos of a MtA online before who I don't believe used any hormones at all. Ze definitely practiced voice work (thats what the video was for - voice feminizing) and kept an androgynous hairstyle and looked like ze had facial hair removal. No breasts or hips, but when you looked at zer it was very difficult to tell if ze was male or female. Which I believe is the point? So you may not need hormones at all. It's entirely up to you though. I'd suggest talking to a therapist. And don't be overly scared of what your family will think. It's not easy for parents to deal with this kind of thing, but I've seen plenty of cases where after the dust settles things just return to normal.
I was never considering taking hormones illegally from foreign websites. I'm considering hormones. If I do decide it's something I want, I will go through the proper procedures. I do not care much for TRUE androgynous look. It is me who is androgynous, on the inside. I'm already starting to grow out my hair and wear a few pieces of jewelry. I do not have a feminine face by any means that would make me have an androgynous look. I want to test the waters before I dive in on anything. As for hormones, I understand the severity of them and the "consequences" both good and bad. I'm not in any hurry. If I decide hormones is right for me, I want to start them before age 25 (6 yrs from now). I do know my sexual identity 100%. I am attracted to girls and one in every 100 guys I see I might consider sexy but I have no attraction to them that I would ever act on. I know my gender identity 95% I believe that to define is to limit. No matter how sure anyone is of themself, there are always changes, and change is necessary for all humans. I cannot afford a "gender identity experienced" therapists. I'm in college. I cannot afford an expensive therapist. I can go to a therapist at my college for 15 dollars a session. They have some guy who is apparently specialized in "mediation, men's issues, couples counseling, anger management, Gay Lesbian issues and grief counseling" I'd prefer a woman, as I find them easier to talk to, but whatever. I know my family worries are probably just all in my head, as I know they are supportive and what not. It's one of those mental barriers I'm going to need to get past. I'll probably write them a letter when I'm ready to tell them.
