Recently I have been noticing I am very isolated from everyone else...Normally this would be fine for me, but it's in a different way now. Usually I try to keep myself from other people so I don't get hurt or judged, now it seems like no matter how hard I try I can't be social with anyone. I use to talk to some people I know, people I have known since elementary school....now I find myself secluding myself from them as well. I don't want to do that, it's just hard to talk to someone when you know they won't/can't understand whats going on in your head. I can't even focus on a person when they are talking, my mind just goes elsewhere...It's not even that I am thinking about anything, I just zone out. The point is I need someone to talk to, face to face not through a computer. I have often thought of talking to my Aunt, but we have never been close...I only see her at weddings and reunions. I remember her wedding, small little place...she was so happy, she smiled nonstop...The first dance she had with her wife was to Rascal Flatts' Broken Road....I was younger than, but even then I knew....I also new my parents were not cool with same sex marriage. Anyways, I just don't know how to start a conversation with her, I want to ask her for help..she has been in this situation before. The not knowing how to be who you are one hundred percent of the time, the shame in yourself, denial and acceptance...she knows how it is. No one else I know that is not online has these experiences....It quite honestly sucks, if we were closer I could talk to her I know I would feel more comfortable around her so I could tell her what's going on in my mind. Now I am worried I can't do that, I don't know if it is because I have trust issues or what but it is really holding me back. I want to have her advice and support for when I come out and I definitley need a major kick in the ass to get out of my little bubble....If anyone out their on EC has advice for me please post to this forum.:help:
I'm assuming your aunt is "not straight", just because it wasn't explicitly stated If she's happy where she is in her life, and since she's definitely been what you're going through, she sounds like a perfect candidate. The only things I'm wondering now: 1) Are you out to her, or does she even know you were/are questioning? 2) Is she trustworthy enough to not tell your parents/keep your talks confidential? The second one is more important; even if she doesn't know about your sexuality, who would be more understanding of it than her? As for contacting her, you can go a couple ways. You can set up a date with her just because "you haven't seen her in a long time, let's have a visit" or something. Or, you could express specifically that you wanted to talk with her about something, but that may tip her off... if that concerns you at all. To be honest, she sounds like a great resource for you, particularly if you need to talk to someone in person. If you're already unhappy, what have you got to lose by taking the chance?
1) I am not out to her, she might know I was questioning my sexuality...I'm not sure. 2) I don't think she would tell them....but I have been wrong about people before, people who were really close to me...so I am not one hundred percent sure about this one. Tipping her off isn't a real concern of mine I would actually like it better if she were to have an idea of what I want to talk to her about....but I do have major trust issues...that is a concern for me. ( I know I have no reason not to trust her but that is the way I am...It is wierd I know...)
Trust issues isn't that weird, so don't worry about it. The only problem is is that you can't find out who is trustworthy until you trust them (hah, I get to reference my signature! ). It's pretty easy for people to be open on the Internet, because with a veil of anonymity, if something were to go wrong you could always just "disappear" and nobody would be able to find you. When talking to someone in person, you can't exactly just pack everything up and run away, and it's definitely nervewracking. I guess what I'm getting at is that you need to weigh your need to speak with someone in person with your fear of having your trust misplaced. All things considered (without personally knowing your aunt), she sounds like pretty close to the perfect person to talk to about whatever's on your mind.
Yeah, I feel she is probably the perfect person to talk with as well... In a way I am glad it is not like being online I am sick of running away....Wait trust issues aren't a wierd thing? Wow, I feel dumb now. :lol:
Well, maybe they are weird, but I guess they're more commonplace than a lot of people think. So if you're weird, you're weird alongside a lot of us. But, this meeting follows a lot of the same emotions running through when you're coming out. You've gotta pluck up the courage to decide to tell someone. Figure out the way to initiate the conversation. Actually show up in person and follow through with it. Wait through the painful silence while they take in the information. And if all goes well, follow with a nice conversation about the topic at hand. The only difference here is, you're almost guaranteed she'll accept you and not take the news badly, and she'll definitely be able to relate to what you're going through. With that in mind, you'll almost definitely make it to the end of that process I outlined above... the only thing is you have to push past the nervewracking steps leading up to the last one.
Alright this all sounds do-able if I get past my nerves...Thank you for all your help.I hope I am not too much of a pain. .....I like your signature by the way. <3
