So I'm on a dating website honestly because it's fun talking to the older men I like. Well whenever I talk with them I have fun and I'm always excited to chat, but whenever I'm done talking I usually feel guilty... I don't know why. Some of the conversations I have slip a little into the more intimate ones but nothing ever like sexting. Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I feel bad if I'm just trying to lighten myself up?
Don't feel guilty. If you're afraid that they might think you're leading them on, don't be. Dating websites are just tools, and I'm sure that there are guys just like you who are on them not so much for finding dates as for wanting to just talk to people. I mean, even for someone who does go on those websites purely to find dates, s/he won't necessarily go out with the first person s/he ever speaks to, because s/he might find that s/he and the other person have little in common based on their chats.
If you're indeed 21, I don't see what the problem is. It might be nice to make it clear at the outset where your boundaries are, so you don't get people's hopes up too high. Unless that's the point? Lex
I just read a comment on my other post and I guess EVERY guy that is older and is interested in younger men is a creep. I so FUCKING happy that the only men I like are all CREEPS!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck do I do now....?!?!?! NO relationships, NO sex, NO love, NO one to hold my hand or cuddle with me or love me for the next 30 fucking years of my life.... FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's so wrong... If you do like older men, then why are you calling them a creep? Hey, you are meeting older men on a chat site, what do you expect? There are many creeps regardless of age on online chat/dating sites... Technically you are a creep too, since you like to "lead" older men on, while chatting online. I'm only 21... but hearing you over generalize like that is making me angry.:eusa_naug
Most people on your other thread were warning you against that particular guy you were talking to because there were many indicators that he actually is a creep who may be trying to take advantage of you. Very few people said that all older men are creeps and that you shouldn't talk to any of them.
Edit::: Sorry about that, i just found your other post. Ya, not all older men are creeps. . . To answer your question more, if you do want to do online that is fine, but don't just leave it all online. If you just have an online relationship, hook up with him and have sex, then I guess he "could" be a creepy old man. However, why don't you try to meet up with him in real life, hold back on what your dick is telling you to do, and just have simple sexless dates? If after a while of hanging out in real life and you find him a decent man, then explore the possibilities of sex. Point being is... words are manipulative. You can talk all you want online, but you won't know how this person really is, until you have met him in real life... Like I said, don't just have sex the first time you guys meet up in real life... If he tries to seduce you in that way (on a first real life date), he may be a scum bag and you'll want to be careful. I know the other EC-admin said there is something messed up about liking 40-50 year olds... but that is because of cultural differences. Deviance is defined by culture. Back then in Ancient Greek, younger men had sexual relationship with older men... and it was considered normal. Be who you are, like who you like. Just curious though... so are you only gay towards older men? Or do you find young men attractive too?
Older guy here. I prefer guys my same age. But I was talking to a younger gay buddy of mine who really prefers guys my age! He's 23. At first I thought he was just yanking my chain--but sincerely and honestly, he prefers old guys. (He felt kinda weird about it, too.) Some younger men need the companionship of older men. And vice versa. And of course there are the creepy old guys out there. But thanks--not all of us old guys are creepy. We're just old. Tracker
It's fine that you like older guys. When an older guy is exclusively interested in guys much younger than he is, and especially if he is only interested in guys who are younger than 25 or so, there is some concern that he may be mostly interested in the power he will have in the relationship. You should also be concerned that he will lose interest in you in a few years--you won't be 21 forever. I think a lot of gay guys would be willing to date a younger guy, even if it's not what they are specifically looking for. I think you are better off approaching men who might be skeptical about it at first. You can be confident that even if it doesn't turn out that they take you up on it, they will generally be pleased and flattered by the offer. Most older guys would be surprised that a young guy like you would be interested in them, and it will make them feel good about themselves. So, maybe you could get involved in the community in some way, and then you would meet some guys (including older guys) in a more natural way.
I think you might have misread what I said in the other posts. Ianthe covers much of the territory here. Generally speaking, there is usually something going on when you have a 40 or 50 or 60 year old guy who likes guys 25 or under. And it's usually not healthy for a variety of reasons I've covered in other posts. Ianthe brought up one that I hadn't mentioned, but tends to be very true; many of the older guys will "take you on", but dump you as you get older because they only like guys in a specific age range. And, of course, they'll never tell you that. This is the voice of having talked to many, many guys who have had these sorts of things happen to them. Having someone that age as a mentor or friend (with no sexual/romantic energy) is one thing; having that as an intimate partner is something else. And the problem again goes back to differences in life status, priorities, income, experience, everything else. It's very hard to have a balance relationship in those circumstances. So I do encourage you to explore what's going on for you, as I said in the other thread. You may find that you're looking at it in a way that's healthy for you, in which case... have at it, though you'll still have to deal with an awful lot of people that are really messed up in order to find the 1 out of 500 (stats pulled out of my ass) that are not. Or you may find that there's other stuff going on for you, in which case, if you spend some time working through that, you may end up in a much healthier space for yourself. In any case, don't be down and assume you're bound to be unhappy. That isn't the case.
I'm sorry for freaking out on you guys... If' I offended anyone for any reason for what I said, I'm truly sorry. That was not my intention at all. I was feeling down and sad when I wrote that last message and I always think the worst when I'm in that state. I'm trying to figure things out and so far they are looking good, but thank you for the support. I appreciate it tremendously. ---------- Post added 30th Jan 2012 at 02:53 AM ---------- I have had some feelings for guys my age but it is very rare. I would says for ever 1 guy my age I'm attracted to, there's 100 older guys I'm attracted to.
