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Does he like me too?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ysp321, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. ysp321

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    This is my personal story, it is all factual. Well, I have a huge crush, probably a lot more than a crush since it's been going on for three years now, on my best friend whom I've known since junior year in school (we are both 20 now). The two of us had gotten along extremely well since a mutual friend of ours introduced us. We have a similar taste in movies, music, video games, cars, animals (we even got snakes from the same litter), and numerous other things. Of course, I never told him or anybody else of the way that I felt. Mostly because I feared he would reject me as a lover or a friend. So I went for years seeing him float around between several girls while just dying on the inside every time he would talk about having sex with them.

    Anyway, let's jump back to modern times. About a week or so ago he and I were hanging out together, as we usually do, just shooting the **** and cracking somewhat offensive jokes. After a while the jokes jumped to another topic: sex (duh, that's all young men think about). Well more talking ensued and then my groin started itching. As I moved to scratch it I noticed he was staring at me, so I stopped after scratching maybe once, to which he asked "What was that?" So I told him "My junk is itchy." And he told me to just scratch it. I was feeling like a bit of a smarts so I replied "Why don't you?" Now, I did not intend for him to take that comment seriously, but he said "Only if you take it out, so I know you're serious." Being as shocked and nervous as I was I managed to squeak back "Why don't you show me yours first so I know you're serious?" Much to my surprise he stood up, turned off the lights, undid his belt, and then he let his hardening dick pop out. "Here's mine, where's yours?" he asked. So I pulled out my penis. He made a joke about it not being as big as his and then he got on his knees and started sucking it! My heart began racing, so I told him I need to lock the door. I returned from locking it and we both sat on the bed, one hand on the other's crotch. With my heart beating a million times a minute I couldn't hold it in anymore and I had to say "Is this really happening?" He just looked toward me and said "What?" I had to come clean with him so I told him "Look, I've really liked you for a while now..." When I said that my dick went soft almost instantaneously. He told me "Don't do this." I looked him right in the eye and said "Well, out of respect for you as a friend I think you deserve to know, but I don't want anything to change." He smiled looked right back at me and said "It didn't before, did it?" I imagine I never hid it well. Every time I see him I can't help but feel happy that he's around and I know I sort of glow around him. Well, he then motioned for me to start sucking him. So, the two of us swapped oral until he shot his load in my mouth. After we finished I asked "How long were you planning on staying?" to which he replied "It depends, what time is it?" It was about 2:30am so he said he had to leave. We proceeded to go outside and smoke a cigarette before he left. Since all of that happened he barely talks to me. He doesn't respond to my texts or phone calls, and if we see each other somewhere he doesn't even look at me... It really sucks because now I am blaming myself for ruining the best friendship I could have ever asked for. Has anybody else been in this situation? Do you think maybe he likes me too, but is just trying to repress his feelings? What should I do? Every day I eagerly look at my phone to see if maybe he's tried to contact me, never does. And every day it feels like the hole inside of my chest is getting bigger. I am finding it hard to talk to anybody now, it's hard to sleep, and I have hardly eaten this past week.
     
  2. Sesshomaru

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    Based on your friend's reaction on having sex with you and taking things further I think he does like you, but it also seems like he might be in a somewhat shocked/denial state now. Giving him some time to figure things out in his head could fix things though if it begins to go on for a while and you're not near a big crowd talking about everything would clear things up.

    Good luck to you and however things turn out :slight_smile:
     
  3. ysp321

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    Thanks for the reply. I have been trying to give him space and time, but it's just hard to do since I really don't have any other friends to talk to in the mean time. I do really hope that he likes me too! If I were to try to talk to him about it, probably in another week or so, what should I say? Would it be best to ask him how he felt about the events that transpired or let him talk about them on his own? I've never been in this sort of situation before and I really don't want things to become even more sour.
     
  4. Sesshomaru

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    If I were in your position I'd go with something like "Hey, about what happened between us...can we talk about it?" For the most part I would say let him get his thoughts on what happened out in the open and go from there. If he doesn't want to then he at least knows that when he's ready to talk about it you've already made it clear that you're open to discuss it. With you guys being friends since high school the odds are in your favor for this turning out well so just stay positive :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Something I've found out in my years on this planet is that people have trouble TALKING about sex. It's a bigger barrier than the actual DOING of sex, in fact. Which is why so many people fumble ahead, or make moves on people, rather than just asking "I'd like to have sex with you. Is that OK?" It certainly would make things easier if people could and did, but you probably would feel it easier to just go for the zipper than ask "Is it OK if I take your clothes off?" :slight_smile:

    It sounds like he enjoyed what he did that night, and doesn't really regret it. But it's uncomfortable bringing it up. Remember, he told you "don't do this" when you started to talk about it. Maybe it was just because your junk was falling down, but chances are it was because he wanted less talk and more action. :slight_smile:

    I don't know precisely how you feel about this guy. I'm guessing, if I could put words in your mouth, you might say "I'm really glad we got to do that. I'd love to do it again sometime. But if you're uncomfortable with that, and don't want to do it again, that's fine - I'd rather keep you as a friend than lose you as a lover. And, of course, if you don't want anybody to know about this, it won't go any further." If that sums up how you feel, I'd say go ahead and send him an e-mail/text/FB message to that effect. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  6. ysp321

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    Thanks for the replies!! Yeah, I suppose it is definitely easier to just jump right to sex rather than talk about it first. And what's even a good way to show a guy, initiate one could say, that you're even ready to go that far? He's the only guy I've been romantically interested in and have had sexual thoughts about and I'd like to know what to say or do, if things do move forward with us.

    As far as my feelings go for him go I don't know if I would say that it's love, but then again I don't even know what love would feel like. I mean, whenever I see or talk to him I get very happy and it's a little hard to contain. Even seeing him smile lifts my spirits if I'm not in such a good mood. After reading what you two have said I think that I'm just going to have to nut up, put my anxiety aside, and let him know everything. Should I still give him some space to think for himself or just go for telling him? Thanks again for the advice, you guys have been very helpful.
     
  7. Kev

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    I had a somewhat similar situation years ago with my best friend. We were around the same age as you and your friend.

    We were drunk (he had no idea I was gay at the time or that I had a bit of a crush on him) and my head was laying on his lap and I just grabbed the back of his head and leaned him down for a kiss....to my surprise he kissed back. Anyways, we ended up fooling around.

    After this happened, he ignored my phone calls and I was unsure whether he was confused or if he was just experimenting with me (it turns out it was an experiment for him). So, I gave him his space and tried to get back in touch with him about a month after that. Luckily our friendship wasn't completely destroyed; we started hanging out again and even talked about what had happened between us. Anyways, long story short, we're still friends now and my crush is long gone and I'd say our friendship is stronger than ever (he's straight and has a wonderful girlfriend).

    I guess the point I'm trying to make is just give him some space. As much as it hurts he's probably going through some weird thoughts right now. Maybe in a few weeks or, however long you think he needs, you should have a talk with him about what happened. I hope everything works out for you and I really hope your friendship is untarnished by this. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Uniboth

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    I'll echo the space talk.

    Think of it this way, at least you know the attraction is mutual. During my crushing period, all I wanted was to know that I wasn't playing the game alone...too bad, that was always the case for me. You've been given clear confirmation that you both have something for each other. That should, at the very least, put some bits of you at peace!

    If you value the friendship, use this as a good place to move on. Don't pursue or hope for anything romantic to happen! Both of you are not out. He's probably in some kind of denial that may or may not last forever. There are too many factors going against whatever relationship that may or may not develop as a result. The best you can do is to be there for him when and if he calls out to you - and if/when that does happen, don't pursue anything sexual. You should set boundaries until both of you are sure of what you want out of the relationship.

    Stay strong! This can be an incredible bond, but it can also shatter to pieces if you don't tread carefully. All the best!
     
  9. ysp321

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    Okay, so he and I have started talking again. I haven't even tried to bring up what happened, but there have been people around us for the most part. I figure the next time it is just he and I together I'll bring it up. He doesn't seem to be nervous or awkward about it, so I think it'll work out. For example, if he's standing in front of me I can't help but let my eyes travel down to his package and yesterday he noticed and just said "My eyes are up here!" and started laughing. I've noticed him staring at me quite a bit lately too. We'll just be sitting smoking a cigarette or something, no one saying a word, and when I look over he's just staring at me. But when I look back at him and smile he usually looks down, sometimes he'll flash a quick smile back. Do you guys think it's still worth it to bring it up to him or should I just try to accept the two of us as just being friends?
     
  10. Roland85

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    Sounds like the boy is in denial. He isn't ready to deal with his sexuality, but quite frankly neither are you.

    When you're in the closet, crushes on close "straight" friends are extremely common. For one, most times they are hopeless - you likely will never get the boy, so it's not "real" real. It's safe. You don't have to come out, you don't have to deal with the actual world. You just have to be quietly miserable.

    Another thing - you are not friends. He knows you want him, and has apparently known for a while now. Yet he proceeded with the whole sex thing, knowing how much more it would mean to you, and then freaked out and pulled away. That's not what a friend does. He has his own issues to confront, and you can't really help him with that. But you can help yourself by working towards cutting this crush from your life.

    Work on coming out, meet guys who you KNOW are gay. Make a connection between equals that you won't have to be miserable about and wonder what means what.