I've pretty much accepted that I am gay. I watch gay porn, I think about guys sexually and I even thinking about just making out with them. I figured I didn't feel anything for girls, but I do enjoy female attention when it's given to me. And sometimes I do watch straight porn and I find it very hot. I wouldn't object to having sex with a woman and I might even enjoy it if I did. Although thinking about having sex with one is pleasant, it's missing that "naturalness(?)" or that "spark" that thinking about having sex with guys has. Does that make sense to anyone? Sorry if it doesnt. Either way, I feel EXTREMELY isolated from my friends at college who are all straight. I am out to them however, but I still feel alone. I have gay friends online, but none in real life. I feel extremely repressed because my mind goes right to sex when I even talk to a mildly attractive man, which is even worse because some of my friends are very attractive. I just want to be intimate with a guy so bad...I'll even take just a kiss. I don't care. I want to feel that type of connection with another man and I don't know how I should deal with these feelings. Just feeling down in the dumps and kind of in a funk. You probably wouldn't even guess I was gay if you looked at me. I just don't know what to do. College life is really starting to blow
Hang in there dude. And about 'gay' - you might be a Kinsey 4 or 5? Basically not "pure gay." You've basically described how I feel about guys and girls, but in reverse. Girls - my mind always jumps to sex. Guys, I can see them as hot and like attention from the hot guys out there and would find sex with a guy pleasurable but it doesn't have the same kind of spark. I see myself as a Kinsey 2 or 1. So it makes sense, but that's how I view being bi rather than "one or the other" - I'd be straight in those terms. But, just hang in there. Join an LGBT community maybe? All colleges have them.
^^Exactly what I was gunna say. I know how you feel, I'm at school too and feel pretty alone cause I'm not close friends with any other gay guys. At least you're out to your straight friends, I'm not even there yet...almost though =] But what I plan on doing like next week, and might help you too is just go to whatever LGBT support/social group is offered on your campus, it can't hurt right? Maybe bring a close friend with you as moral support and just see how you like it. Go for the support, and see what guys are available, try to get out there. Hope this helps man
