ok well... I am going to try and embrace my other half... and by that I mean the other side of my bisexuality. While I have had hook-ups with guys it has been pretty limited to that. I haven't really hung out with gay/bi people that have knowledge that I am bisexual. So in saying this I am going to take a step and make the move in that direction. Recently, as in the other night, the one guy I met and made friends with who I was out to said invited me to come out with him sometime in the near future. His actual offer was, "Party Soon? I've got to take you out to meet the gays" because he knows I am closeted within my group of good friends and he is probably trying to help me explore... he said he would when we first met. I was excited at this possibility. I would have someone I feel comfortable with, and be able to put myself in a situation where people know I am bisexual and get a feeling for what it is like to be out there. Now I say I am very excited which I am and at the same time I am actually quite nervous. Why am I nervous? I hate rejection and I am worried about rejection. I mean my friend, who I will name Miguel, is very out and very gay. He's really a great guy. From what I gather of his friends and his group they are mainly open gay males and straight females -- from what I have heard. So I have this anxious feeling I will be the one bi-guy there. This brings back my anxiety I have had for years. I have had an inclination I was bi for years because I was quite literally attracted to both sexes. I always tried to struggle as defining myself as either gay or straight because I was scared bi just doesn't fit anywhere. After some soul searching and few weeks here i have already almost come to accept it. I honestly swear for me it would be easier if I was full on gay -- but I know I am not and saying so would be a lie. So back to my anxiety. In my group of friends which all the close ones are straight to my knowledge I don't really have any anxiety because to the best of their knowledge I am straight. Now I get it, trust me. SEXUAL ORIENTATION doesn't determine friends. You can be straight and have tonnes of gay friends and vice-versa. I have some gay friends myself that think I am straight. But when you face the facts, generally speaking you tend to hang with people you have interests in common with/ share characteristics with. So I think in general a gay mans close friends will be gay men/women and a straight mans will be straight men. So where the hell does a bi-man fit in? Do I need to build my own group? Can you tell by my ramble how much this is on my mind. Like I get it I don't have to be limited to one group but like when I look to the future of possibility being out to my straight friends as well I think in my head I am gonna be torn most likely between two groups. With weekends bringing either the "gay" option or the "straight" option. This just causes me stress. Maybe I am over thinking? Maybe it won't be like that at all? At any rate I am excited to meet some new people with my friend! I guess I will see what the future brings. In the meantime any one out there with similar fears/ been in this situation before?
I only know two gay people- one is my girlfriend and one is an arsehole of a teacher who has a boyfriend but keeps staring at girls boobs in class. I know I'd be really nervous if I was going to meet gay people. Best thing I can say is hold to the excitement you feel. Anxiety is a bitch, and rejection is a bitch. But it should be fun by the sounds of it.
I understand your worries, it's a new unknown world for you and I was once scared of the unknown but if your "Miguel" is a nice friend, you trust him, trust life, share your anxiety with him and listen to what he tells you. Maybe you should let go of fears and anxiety and live life. Have fun, go out, meet gay people, meet straight people and bi people. I'm a gay man and my friends are gays and straight, lesbian and bi and I've never chosen my friends based on their gender or sexual orientation and they all make my life richer and beautiful. Yes, gays will most likely try to figure out how "bi" or "gay" you are because it's curious to them, it's human nature and you have nothing to hide, just be your beautiful self! Be tolerant to ignorance and educate people that don't get you (even your straight friends don't know you fully)...
Thank-you both. In this case words of encouragement are just what I need I think. I am slowly, very slowly becoming confident in my new found sexuality. It's strange I never thought it would be this easy to admit it to myself -- maybe because I have been trying to deny it for so long. I am sure the anxiety will still be there, but it will be a good experience. I am all about experience... so either way it will be good for me. And ArabMan, I never thought about it that way -- it's funny how you made me see it from the other side. I always think of it from my point of view, I never really understood how people could differentiate to only be attracted to one sex physically because both can be so beautiful. But they are probably wondering the same things about me! So I guess it works in both ways! It's just about education with hopefully open minded people. And you are also very right -- there is a huge piece of me my straight friends are not aware of yet -- so it is not like it is a perfect situation there. Thanks again to you both
