Hi all, I'm new to theese forums and hopefully you will be able to help me with a dilemma i have. A while back I did some things with a friend of mine that at the time I thought was nothing. Now, a few years later I am 100% sure of my orientation and I have a huge crush on this guy, however I am unsure if he is gay/bi/straight. He doesn't really have any noticeable "gay habits" and it is possible he was just simply experimenting a while back. I was also informed I was not the only one he was experimenting with back then, by him. As I have a huge crush on him now, I really want to ask him out, however I am very nervous about the whole situation. The main problem is what if it turns out he is indeed straight? I really value him as a friend and I dont want to lose that, however I really want to be with him. Please don't say to just go for it, while I agree that friends who don't tolerate gays aren't real friends, it is certaintly a different situation if you are asking the guy out, at least it is to me anyway. Even if he is straight and doesn't freak out about me asking him out, what if it is just really awkward to be around him from there on out? Some additional information: Him and I are 15, however I have access to alchohol if it will help with the situation. He is not aware that I am gay, he has only had one girlfriend in the past 3 years and it didnt last long at all, however this could just be because he doesn't want a girlfriend yet or girls aren't interested in him, but I am reluctant to believe the latter as he is very attractive (at least to me anyway) and I feel he could get a girlfriend easily if he wanted one. He is pretty clean, dresses quite well and organises everything very neatly in a similar fashion to OCD, however he does not have it. My "gaydar" is absolutely terrible so I need opinions on how I should progress, I have never had a boyfriend before and he is my first real crush, so it is possible that I am making things overly dramatic. I fantasize about him a lot and really want to be with him, so I will be willing to try various tricks suggested to help observe and determine his orientation, however I do really care about this guy so please no suggestions that will ruin the friendship if he turns out straight. Any and all comments/suggestions will be greatly appriciated! Thanks.
Tricks aren't the way to go. You can look for hints or 'guaranteed signs' all you want, but nothing like that's 100% effective, and it's easy to misinterpret things and see what you want to see. If you want to find out his sexuality, and his feelings for you, I'd say your best bet is to come out to him first. Don't start by telling him you like him, just start by telling him you like guys. From there, you'll probably get at least something of an idea of his feelings towards gay people, and it'll give him an opportunity to come out to you if he does happen to be gay.
If you trust him, could you come out to him? Tell him that you're gay- not that you have a crush on him. If he isn't completely straight, your coming out might be enough to prompt him coming out- if not, at least you have a friend who knows and you can confide in him. Crushes on friends are equally awkward whether they are of the opposite sex or not.
Hi, welcome to Empty Closets! Well, the first thing is to come out to him and see what happens. You can tell him you are gay without revealing that you like him. If he likes men, he is infinitely more likely to tell you about it if you tell him first. Since it sounds like he "experimented" with guys quite a bit, it's not unlikely. Anyway, it's impossible to date a guy who doesn't know you're gay. Of course, you could also just ask him out. You have good reason to suspect that he might be interested. I don't think he could reasonably be offended, even if he's straight.
Ok thanks for the suggestions guys, my sisters suggested the same thing but I guess I just needed to be sure. I will come out to him today and see where it goes from there.
Ok, earlier today I told him and he didn't seem to care, just reponded with "so? It's cool." I noticed that he seems to be paying me more attention since I've told him, he hung around me more than usual today at school and he seems to be trying to hold eye contact with me. I also caught him staring at my butt while I was waiting in line for lunch, and I also noticed he seems to be breathing heavier than normal if I make close contact with him, which i read is a possible sign of him being interested in me? Should I just ask him out or wait and see what he does? If he is gay/bi I'm not sure what hes trying to do, he didn't come out to me so maybe hes hoping I will make the first move? It seems like this all happened in such a short space of time so I'm not really sure what to do.
I'd proceed slowly, and with caution. It's VERY easy to start seeing signs in anybody you've got your eye on. (He's paying more attention? "He's interested!" He's paying less attention? "He's interested and trying to hide it!") Let him get used to the sheer fact that you're gay for a bit, and let your friendship continue along for awhile. After a bit, you might do a little angling. You might say something like "I guess I should eventually think about getting a boyfriend, but I don't even know where to start looking for one." That's a pretty safe thing to say. If he's interested, he can use his response to suggest he's interested, but if he's not, he won't feel like you're hitting on him directly. Lex
Yeah, try just hanging out with him alone now that he knows you're gay, and see what happens. You never know
At fifteen, it wouldn't be that unusual for him not to be completely sure yet about his sexuality himself. So, he might not be comfortable talking about it, even to someone he knows is gay. How long ago was your experimenting together? You could bring it up, as something that was meaningful to you--I mean, I presume those were some of your first sexual experiences, right? So, you could just mention that those experiences were important to you, in discovering your sexuality, and you just want to know what the experience was like from his side. That might get him to open up a little. Be understanding if he acts weird about it though. He might just not be ready.
Thanks for your suggestions/ideas guys, I did the indirect way lex suggested to ask him out and he bought the bait, he is in fact also 100% gay and asked me out, we went to see a film and he made a move. I couldn't be happier at the moment, great thanks to lex and others
XD Amazing I guess its the 1st time i see a thread of this kind here, honestly XD. At least so quick like this Yeah, its awesome to hear that things went well!
