So for a while now I've been talking to a guy online, we're really clicking, etc, play a lot of the same MMORPGS so we talk a lot. To break it all down, we want to meet this summer. He lives in a small town outside of Ottawa, and I live in a small town outside of Kitchener. Now, my mother has met several people online and is good friends with several; But I haven't yet, and I'm (Almost, but will be) 17. How can I explain that A) I want to go to Ottawa and meet some guy for 3 days. B) I want to harbor some dude in our house for 3 days. If he comes here, he won't bring anyone but I'll probably end up bringing a friend. If I go there, I would be going alone.. and he lives in a dorm. so ideally, he's coming here. ... How do I explain this to her? :l
If the guy is a lot older than you, it's going to be difficult to explain... and in my opinion, it's probably not a very good idea anyway. If he's not more than 18, it--might--be okay... Have you at least talked on Skype or something with the guy so that you can be reasonably sure he is who he says he is? I take it you aren't out to your mother and can't just say you met a guy and you want him to come visit? Could you tell her he's a friend you met online and you want him to come visit? If by a dorm you mean a college dorm, maybe you could tell her that you were talking to an online friend, and his school sounds interesting, and you want to know if she can take you to visit. That way your mother would be around, and you wouldn't be going off by yourself to meet and older guy you met off the internet with no one knowing what you're doing. The first time you meet someone from the internet, it's a really good idea to not be going alone with them into a private place. Ideally, you would be able to just tell her the truth, and she could help you meet the guy safely. I don't know if that's possible for you or not.
As a precursor, my reply will probably be nearly all opinion-based. For me, I see red flags reading this, and I don't really know why. Usually I don't care when people do the online thing, because well, it's not my life. I guess the most important question is why you're meeting him; if it's romantic/sexual/platonic etc. If it's the first two, I say hold off meeting him altogether... if it's the last one, maybe, but a big maybe. If it is to be something more than friends, let me put it this way. You're 16. You should be in no rush to be in a relationship. It doesn't really matter how perfect this guy might be, because you've never met him, he's older than you (and in a part of his life with different 'priorities', sexual or otherwise), and he lives quite a ways away. You either go up to visit him, which sounds rather unsafe, or he comes down here and you tiptoe around everyone for a few days. Either way, it doesn't bode well for your end of things. And I think the bottom line, so that I'm not trying to shut down the whole potential relationship, if he is a really good candidate for a boyfriend (and thinks the same as you), he'll be willing to wait. Even if it takes months, he'll wait. And from pitching that idea alone you can easily gauge what he thinks of this relationship.
It's a friend thing until I decide otherwise, probably not for a while though. I'll be 17 in a months time. He does seem pretty OK with waiting for me, though. We're pretty good friends for Internet standards. I'm not much of a liar. She knows I'm gay, she also knows I date older guys and generally bend out of my age group for friends, too.. (Last boyfriend will be 19 soon..). Most of the peers I place myself around are 17-21. This guy will be 18 by the time I turn 17. It's just awkward to explain "Oh, hey.. I've known this guy for about a year now and want to meet him". And Skype; Yes- all the time.
It's awkward, but do it anyway. Remind her that it can be a little harder for a gay person to meet someone, and ask her to help you do it in a way that will be safe. I think that age difference is okay, especially since the two of you have been talking for a year or so. I mean, if you were both in high school or he had just graduated or something when you started talking, that isn't as weird to me as a guy in college just staring to talk to a guy who is still in high school when they didn't know each other before. Does that make sense? Maybe if you Skype with him while she's around, and she can talk to him a little, she will be more comfortable with it. Like, you can introduce them, and then it won't feel so much to her like you are inviting a total stranger to come stay at the house. Do you have access to a laptop or something, so that you can take it into the main part of the house? Since you are out to your mom, and it sounds like she's supportive, I think your best bet is to just be really honest. You've been talking to this guy for about a year; he is in college already, but just a little over a year older than you; for now you are just friends, but you kind of like him and you want to meet him soon. Does she think she could help you do that in a way that would be safe? Maybe have her come in and talk to him on Skype a little first, and then explain and ask her.
