in order to get adivce i beileve backround on my current situation is needed. it is rather complicated so i will try to simplify it as much as possible. So last year my schools band went on a trip for a music festival in Hawaii where a few australian bands came and we all played music etc. it was fun. after i got home i started thinking about how cool it would be to go to australia. i kept in touch with one of the girls and a few others from the band. fast forward a couple months in september i had two surgeries (shoulder and knee) therefore all physical activity stopped leaving me a little depressed cuz im usually a very active person. then i started my first year of college so the stress of that probably added to my emotional distress. one day i was particularly bored so i decided i might make a profile on a bisexual/lesbian dating site, just for kicks and to meet new people. somewhere along the way i found this australian girl who not only had the looks, and the charm, but we had a bit in common. we chatted, became facebook friends. now i know meeting people online can be sketchy and you have to be careful of scammers. but id talked to her a bit, then on facebook saww her pictures, her job her friends etc etc. we talked more, got her number started texting and since facetime wouldnt work we sent eachother friendly videos. basically within a short peiod of time our friendship got stronger and feelings grew stronger. we were both in a little head over heels...in 2 short months i had fallen. as did she... rewind, i was planning to go to australia...fastforward, i had just met another australian. i was planning to stay with a friend from the band trip and her family then see if i could go stay with the girl i had basically fallen in love with. when i told my mom that another friend wanted me to stay with her, she assumed i had met her in hawaii...i wasnt exactly lying to her becuase i never said she was..however i was in the wrong by not telling her the truth. and i now know that what goes around, does come around, and sometimes harder than you expect. i went to australia, stayed a week with my band friend and was supposed to stay with the girl i met online for a week but our plans got cut short by a very unhappy phonecall from my parental units. yes i was 18 but i still live at home, my parents basically paying for everything, im a college student, dont have a full time job so my parents still have a very big say in what i do. the two days i had with this girl were the best id ever had, it felt like home in her arms, i could be myself without worrying about what she thought of me, but all my parents saw was i couldve been kidnapped and raped and never heard of again, and that this girl has stolen my 'innocence' which i didnt actually have in the first place. i took an early flight home, couldnt eat from the moment i hung up the phone with my parents to probably a couple days after i got home. the whole 14 hour +plane ride home, didnt sleep, cryed off and on, felt nauseous, and the pain in my chest still hasnt left. i get home, my parents are convinced im confused, that i need to go to church more, that walking away from god is worse than never knowing him. ya i grew up with religon, went to church, i know who god is, i beileve that hes real, but what i cant believe is if he loves me, and wants me to be happy, then whats it matter if i love a man or a woman? my parents took a way my phone, cuz they pay for it, the changed my facebook password because they pay for the internet. i now have my phone back and im 'not allowed' to talk to her however i have a free texting app that allows me to text her if i want. and i have talked to her, but she says she doesnt want to be the reason my family and i fight, she loves me but doesnt want me to be distracted, that i need to figure out who i am, which is true, i do need to figure my shit out, but not talking to her is killing me. everynight, my head hits the pillow and the tears come rolling out, everywhere i look, something reminds me of her, the tv...kills me...blues clues..the clues lead up to a kangaroo, horse races..was the australian open, pawn stars..some guy sold his things for a trip to australia, the movie how do you know the girls softball team or something plays a team from australia..i dont know if all this aussie shit is just taunting me, or if its trying to tell me something all my friends say i should get out of my house and move to australia (ive had offers to come live with people in aus.), which i wouldnt mind, but id have to leave my family, and the only life ive known. and itd take time, gotta get a job and buy everything from my parents so they cant take it away. then what about college. and if i dont move out i have to deal with controling parents that force religion down my throat and tell me if i choose that life, a gay life, then ill burn in hell, and its not 'god's plan for me' oh and my mom said if i go to hell might as well shoot her now....wtf who says that!? i dont know what to do, my parents wont listen, talking to them seems pointless, not talking to her kills me, cant get her off my mind..ive tried telling my parents before i met her that i like girls but they siad 'you are just confused, go to church' and now telling them again, they basically said the same thing but took a more drastic road thiniking they know whats best for me, like they know what will make me happy adn whats good for me...well they didnt spend two days with the most amazing person (ive ever met) if anyone has any adivce im open minded and need some asistance on my current predicament
poor girl, things get better so dont worry, first off with religion is that God is love, religion preaches people to fear him which defeats the whole purpose of love. Love is Love, its people who discriminate, so dont worry about going to hell, because it doesn't exist the next point is maybe you are rushing things with the aussie chick? im in no position to judge what love you feel towards her but i believe people come into our lives to be sort of like catalysts towards change and lessons, and maybe she's playing an important part towards change for you, because lets be honest, you arent financially stable and you are in no position to move countries, whether that be financially or because of your connection with your family. and the last is to find your true happiness, i too struggle with this one also and im still learning to get there, but the best way is to make small steps towards making it happen, i suggest maybe talking more about this to your friends, they seem pretty awesome and opened minded if you were able to tell them this, and begin gaining some independence at home by taking charge, it can begin by getting a job maybe? i dunno just anything that builds you up as a person, that will make you stronger to make your own decisions when it comes down to the chopping block
