I'm a college student, and about a year ago I figured out that I was definitely bisexual. I haven't had much experience dating, but when I started having feelings for a girlfriend I knew something was different. Over the course of this year I came out as bisexual to my mother, brother, and my closest friends. I have gradually dropped it into conversations with some of my closest friends, most of whom have been pretty understanding. I haven't told any of my roommates though, or anyone I thought would judge me (I attend a university with a pretty judgmental social system). So, I'm not totally out (since honestly I really haven't had enough experience to claim a sexual identity) but I would never deny it if someone asked nor hesitate to admit I'm attracted to someone, regardless of gender. I recently went on a trip with a large school group I'm in, and I became attracted to a girl in my year. I don't know her very well, but I would like to. I recently found out that she was gay (or at least I think so...it says she likes women on Facebook but it also says she's in a relationship with a guy....confusing!). I've been less involved with that organization for other reasons, and I don't see her that often...how do I tell her? On another note, I feel like I have led at least two of my guy friends on this semester. One of them asked me out to coffee a couple times and I sort of ditched him when he constantly tried to contact me. He's very nice but he's a bit awkward and I am not physically attracted to him. I have also gotten incredibly close with a guy this semester, who knows I'm bisexual and is okay with it. He's a great person, but I'm not physically attracted to him and I worry that he's attracted to me. I also am sort of attracted to another friend of mine, who is a guy, but only in the sense that he's a great guy and really nice and cute-looking, and not really in a sexual sense...Does this mean that I might be gay and not bisexual, or is it just that I haven't found the right guy (or girl)? With guys in the past I always thought I had a fear of intimacy and relationships (which I think I do have), but is it just that I was never really attracted to them? With anyone I've been attracted to (regardless of gender), I've usually said the wrong things and gotten really nervous so it's hard to tell. Anyway...what should I do?
As a casual observation, it seems like you have an easier time getting along with guys, as you have several friends and potential interests (though mostly from their angle). The one woman you're mentioning here seems to be a "from a distance" thing - what about her attracts you? Have you had any interaction with her? If so, what? I would say that, if you really aren't feeling it with some of these people who are interested in you, the best thing to do is to be upfront about it. It's very awkward at first, true, and I'm not saying you should get in touch with them specifically to tell them you're not interested in dating (lol), but if they do offer something date-like again, just let them know it's not happening. Worst case scenario, you free them up to look for other people who will be interested. You'll get used to it. As far as the people you *are* interested in, I find it's always best to either have some sort of social contact with them before you express interest (part of a club or group, in a class, etc.), or to meet someplace where they expect that kind of attention (dating site, non-shady bar, and so on). Can you do either of these? Is there a way that you can be involved in something this woman is involved in? Also, though, as a side note, find out if she's actually in a relationship first, of course. (Although facebook can be the least reliable place to learn this - a friend of mine was listed as "married" to her gay male friend, then when he ended their facebook "marriage," she decided to list herself as "widowed." Another friend of mine is happily married and lists herself as "it's complicated" with her husband. So make of all that what you will.) In any case, fingers crossed for you. I hope you find some way to spend time with her!
For the first part with your female friend--it's been my experience that Facebook is a place for other people to lie or "troll." Even though your friend's Facebook says that she like women, she may be doing it for fun, or someone might be playing with her account. Furthermore, you can pretend to be married to someone on Facebook. She might or might not be in a relationship with that guy. This is definitely why I've ditched Facebook; you can never be confident knowing what you're reading is the truth. The only way to really know about someone is to get the answer from the source (and even then he or she can be lying or joking). What I say is that if your female friend is going to put that she likes women, but is in a relationship with a guy, she's going to confuse a lot of people and make her persona a hotbed for rumors and gossip. Personally, I can't stand people like that. About all the confusion on whether you're gay/bisexual--you don't have to define yourself just yet. And even when you do, you can feel more attracted to one sex than the other, and still be bisexual. My advice is to not worry about these things, but just be open minded and spend time with people you like. During my first year in college, I also felt like there was another gay guy who was a bit attracted to me. It was pretty confusing because I never saw him in that light. Ironically, we eventually talked and he told me that he has his eyes set on somebody else. I swore, though, he was getting oddly close and nice to me... To be more specific, I think you should just continue hanging out with your friends, and form new friendships. You may eventually find a nice guy to get closer with. If you're still interested in your female friend, ask her what up with her Facebook. She may get embarrassed, but it's what she gets for being so messed up (I really don't like people who advertise misleading or false information).
