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I'm in a scary position...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Metal, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. Metal

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    I'm paying for a room at my mothers house and while talking to her while she was stressed out from my little brother going crazy... I slipped out that I had other issues on my mind when she asked how I can stand living here.

    For a good half an hour she tried to get me to tell her whats troubling me, asking if I was gay or if someone did something or if I saw something and anything you can think of that a mother would ask, and also asking me why im putting her through the stress of not knowing.

    I sent her an email after she left me alone trying to explain that its nothing that she should be worried about and il tell her about it when im ready... now her and my step dad said they want to have a talk later to "find out whats wrong with me" and i haven't told them to check the email yet.

    This shit is scary as hell, I feel like if I don't come out i'm gonna put additional stress on my mother and step father who are already going through a lot of stress. I've only been out to myself for 6 days now, and only yesterday was the first day where I was in full control again of my emotions.
     
  2. Nevermind

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    I think you need to address the fears they must have, when you tell someone that something's wrong but don't go into detail they're mind will always go to the worst place.

    If you're not ready to come out you should clarify to them that you're not ill, in danger, or in trouble and that nothing horrible has been done to you. And then tell them that yes, you are going something right now and explain that what you need from them if they want to help is that they simply respect that you're not ready to talk about it.

    If you're calm about it, hopefully that'll make them worry less and they'll feel ok about giving you space.

    x
     
  3. mike90

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    I think that Nevermind's advice is wonderful here. I would add only that coming out is something personal to you and you will not benefit from being dragged out so to speak. If you are not ready to talk about it then the harm you will do forcing yourself to is more than the harm not talking to your mum will be. Good luck and try to stay calm about it xx
     
  4. Nemo39122

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    I agree with Nevermind's post. You need to find some way to assure them that nothing bad has happened to you, and that you've just had certain things on your mind that you're struggling with and you'll talk to them when you're ready.

    I don't know how accepting your family is, but if you're pretty sure they wouldn't freak out maybe you could just start by saying you've been thinking about who you are in that respect (sorry I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it, I don't know exactly what you could say).
     
  5. Metal

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    After telling them to check my email, this was the response.

     
  6. mnguy

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    That was a nice reply from her. Hopefully she'll be supportive if you want to tell her someday. Hang in there and you've always got people here to talk to openly :slight_smile:
     
  7. Sunsetting

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    I sincerely appreciate all that you have written especially since you are stating exactly where you are. At first I questioned the 'I'm not gay' part, but then I realized that you so answered in a profoundly honest way...fantastic because you didn't take on any forced labels as you continue to work stuff out. Bro, wow, this is truly phenomenal. I am inspired.
     
  8. maverick

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    I'm pretty sure she knows something is up, but she thinks it's that you're gay.

    Just a hunch.
     
  9. Metal

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    <3

    That's probably what they're thinking, people on my mothers side of the family sometimes make boyfriend jokes or ask if i'm gay because i've never been in a relationship.