Hey all, I was in a relationship last year with a guy that I loved and it lasted just over 5 months (knew each other for longer than that as friends though). He split up with me, it wasn't a mutual decision, he just claimed it "felt wrong". Tried to force myself to get over him quickly, had a brief (10 day) rebound relationship which I had to end due to still having feelings for and not being over my ex. About 2 weeks after the rebound relationship ended I got a text from my ex looking to talk, so I talked to him and he told me how he missed me and realised he had feelings for me still and regretted breaking up with me and hoped we could clear the air and get back together sometime. I told him that I still had feelings for him too and agreed to give him a second chance. 3 weeks of air clearing later I spoke to him about trying things again and his whole demenour seemed to have changed, he said that he needed more time before deciding if he wanted to try again or not (I pointed out we'd known each other for over a year that surely that was enough time but he claimed we hadn't had enough time together after we started speaking again), I told him that I needed an answer one way or the other as I hate being in this "limbo" state (which I'd been in with him for 2 months last year as well), he got defensive and claimed I was forcing him into a decision and I tried to explain to him that he could have 1 or 2 weeks to think about things but I needed him to make a decision soon as my worrying over him and us is distracting me from my uni work. I apologized for being so blunt with him about it but he wasn't annoyed at that and seemed happy enough with the idea. My issue is I don't get this behaviour...why would he tell me he wanted to try again and contact me after 6 weeks of silence claiming he regretted breaking up and wished he hadn't broken up with me only to then seem so disinterested in trying again 3 weeks down the line? Why does he need more time (after knowing me a year and being with me for 5 months) to figure out what he wants when he seemed so sure earlier? Thanks.
people want what they can't have and often dont want what they know they can have. he contacted you because he missed you and thought it would be great to get back together. when people break up, they remember the ideal moments and the happy good times. they are lonley and starting up with someone else never feels the same right away (rebound people). so you end up missing the other person, but when you try and get them back and they are ok with coming back then you realize all teh stuff that made you break up in the first place because now it's "REAL". so that is probably what happened to him. also, there could have been a chance that he met someone else during that time that he is interested in seeing where that is going to go again. i am like you, i do not really like being in limbo status with people where they ahve to figure out if they like me or not.
There's this idea that people are both very "in touch" with their feelings at all times, and that those feelings never change over time. But the fact is that just isn't the case. You might quite like turkey sandwiches, and have them two or three times a week, and then suddenly stop eating them for a month without even realizing it. And then you might have one every day for two weeks. If someone asked, you might say "Well, I dunno. I do like turkey sandwiches. They just didn't seem all that appealing during that time. But now I can't get enough of them." And that's just lunch. Feelings for people and relationships can be exceptionally complex, and can change quite a bit as time passes and things take place. My guess is that he's still conflicted about having you as a boyfriend. He's not sure the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. And given that, I think the smart move is to stay broken up. It's possible that the desire to "have a boyfriend" (ANY boyfriend) is nudging him more towards getting back with you, but that's just a guess on my part. I'd say if he's not 100% sure he wants to give this another go, you probably shouldn't. Lex
Well thanks all, I told him that I thought we should leave things until I got over him and that I could see he obviously wasn't sure about trying things again with me and I didn't want to seem like I was forcing him into anything and that we should call it quits. His response was a pretty indifferent "yeah sure, no worries" so he'd essentially lead me on for a month. So I'm cutting him off like a pretty blond diseased limb.
