In Long term relationship w man . Lesbian ? Too scared for change ?

no matter what your sexuality you dont HAVE to label it.
maybe youre attracted to women and just him, maybe youre not. only you can really figure it out. but trying something with another girl while youre in a relationship is not wise.
have you spoken about it with youre bf?

idk this prob isnt good advice, but (*hug*)

 

Did you talk to your counselor about your attractions to women?

 

I think the fact that you said you are kind of attracted to your boyfriend, and you are not really sure if what you are doing is right mean that your boyfriend is possibly not the right person for you. Im not saying that this makes you gay but I would say that you are at least bisexual. If you imagine staying with your boyfriend for the rest of your life how does that make you feel? I do think discussing it with your therapist is a good idea if you havent already.

 

Well, a couple of things occurred to me reading your post.

Your relationship with your boyfriend is tense, you say. I can't tell you what the real reasons for this are, but it seems like you kind of want out. It could be issues with intimacy or commitment, as you said, or it could be your sexuality. Since I don't know you very well, I can't comment on any general relationship issues you have, but I can say a thing or two about wrestling with your sexuality while you're in a relationship that's not quite doing it for you.

You say that you're only "sort of attracted" to your boyfriend. That doesn't seem like a good thing. Were you ever very attracted to him or is this the same level of attraction you've always felt?

If you're not especially attracted to your boyfriend and "largely not attracted to men" then you've got to weigh that against your obvious and insistent attraction to women. You seem to have already considered the possibility that you're a lesbian and that's a good start. I don't generally think that that kind of long term attraction to women combined with the lack of attraction to men is just about the "mystery" of it all.

 

I just had a problem like this. I'm pretty much fully gay, probably 85% gay, 15% straight. I was recently datin a girl, and I was confused as hell the whole time. I liked HER, like her personality and all that crap, but it was the fact that she was a girl that I didn't like, if she was a guy things woulda been great.
Anyways, sometimes its hard to label yourself cuz sometimes that 15% of straight glows brighter than the gay 85%. I'm actually just gonna stop here because if I go any further, things are gonna get confusing as hell.
All I'm sayin is if you like your boyfriend a whole lot, even though you're gay, it's fine and all. If the only thing you don't like about him or the only thing compelling you to break it off with him is the that he's a guy, then don't...
Im probably not being too helpful...

 

I think this insight is really helpful in your situation, and in mine, as well.

You say that you are attracted to women, "but wonder if it's because they live in uncharted territory?" When I fantasize about women, see my crush or look at nude photos of women I get pretty, err...aroused. My arousal is real and so is my attraction. I feel wonderful when I am aroused / attracted to women. So if you feel anything like that then I would say you're safe to stop questioning it and just accept it as real.

 

You could always have a threesome...

On a more serious note, you sound like a lesbian to me. And staying in a relationship with a guy is not the best thing to do. So frankly, I'd say move on.