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So here's my story (little ditty of a poem I wrote included)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pigme1788, Feb 7, 2012.

  1. Pigme1788

    Pigme1788 Guest

    So, I have only recently realized (or at least finally admitted to myself) that I am bisexual - with a lean towards girls I think.

    I'm 24 and have never had much luck in the guy department. My longest relationship was 3 months and it was a shitty one at that. I was never as in to them as they were to me. I never really thought about the fact though that I may not be as attracted to guys as a straight girl should be, I always just figured I hadn't found the right guy yet.

    I'd never had any close gay friends and so I never thought to think about the subject, until this past summer. I became good friends with two lesbians at work. Yes, I'd never had any gay friends and I found two all of a sudden at the same time lol.

    Anyway, one of them - Stef - is a lipstick lesbian, and one day in August, a bunch of us from work were hanging out and as the evening wore on and we drank more, Stef and I got to cuddling alone and some kissing happened. And I loved it. This same thing than happened at every subsequent party that we had. The last time, at a get-together before Christmas, we were making out and it was so ridiculously hot. The word, "passionate" comes to mind. I felt more kissing her, than I have ever felt kissing any man. It was because of her that I realized my bisexuality.

    So, I realized then that I had fallen for this girl, my friend, a lesbian - who, I may add, thinks I'm straight. I thought about telling her so many times, but my fear was always that she was drunk every time we kissed, it never happened when we hung out and weren't partying (and we never talked about it after the fact) and so maybe it was just a drunken mistake on her part. Maybe she didn't even remember. She is always more drunk than I am when we drink and so I could never tell and was deathly afraid of rejection. And so I wrote down my feelings but never said them out loud (see poem at bottom of post.)

    BUT NOW, and here's the clincher, this past Friday, Stef's relationship status on Facebook changes to, "in a relationship." She didn't tell anyone she was even seriously dating anyone, and so naturally I was devestated and incredibly jealous lol. I mean this girl is gorgeous and funny and smart and I so should have said something when I had the chance! Now it's tooo late and it's a wee bit depressing. I clearly can't tell her now. She's happy with this new girl and I'm glad that she's happy. I would never want do anything to hurt her or her relationship. We actually hung out the other day, and I was kind of sullen and withdrawn and she kept asking me what was wrong, but I couldn't tell her.

    And so I come to you guys, simply because I could not keep it inside anymore. No one knows about this and it was becoming a rather heavy load. So for those of you who read, thanks so much!

    Here is the poem I wrote about this:

    I’m afraid of the light
    Of what can be seen
    I live in a world
    Vaguely out of sight

    I bask in my dreams
    Where realities whither
    Where I can be anyone
    Stargaze and gleam

    Dreams that shine
    Like a wish master’s wand
    Casting spells
    To show me a sign

    Awake I live
    Full of fanciful fears
    Regretting the most
    What I’ll never forgive

    And I picture those nights
    When you hold me close
    Though I can’t explain it
    My heart takes flight

    We sit in tune
    Your hand in mine
    Your breath on my neck
    Under the moon

    And when we kiss
    It’s like nothing else
    But is it real?
    Tell me it is

    I’ve never felt this way
    And I’m so confused
    My heart is alive
    With what I can’t say

    I keep looking at others
    Trying to decide
    But it’s only you
    There isn’t another


    It’s something inside
    That’s captured my soul
    So it isn’t important
    What’s on the outside

    But I won’t deny
    That I’m afraid
    This is all new
    Should I give it a try?

    It’s just that I’m scared
    I know nothing of this
    How do I start
    To show you I care?

    Still, in my mind
    While I’m asleep
    You come to me
    Sincere, refined

    You take my hand
    You hold me close
    The sun above us
    Below, the sand

    We are alone
    Just you and me
    You kiss me firmly
    I softly moan

    It’s only fantasy
    It isn’t real
    If only I knew
    If you too, saw me

    I’ve created a wall
    Of shadows and glass
    It’s meant for you
    You can make it fall

    I’m afraid to share
    What’s in my heart
    I pretend in the day
    Like there’s nothing there


    But if you feel it too
    Would you come to me?
    Would you be with me?
    I wish I knew

    I crave the day
    When honesty conquers
    I’d look in your eyes
    And keep nothing at bay

    Any confusion I felt
    Would fade away
    When your lips brushed mine
    In your embrace, I’d melt

    Then we’d lie awhile
    In each other’s arms
    Just you and me
    Our hearts would smile

    © September 21, 2011 HochiNabby Productions
     
  2. LailaForbidden

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    I'm sort of in the same situation, only the girl i like (maybe even love) is pretty damn straight. I wish i could help. Just know your not alone! good luck!! (&&&)
     
  3. silverhalo

    Full Member

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    Aww thats tough, but there are plenty more girls out there, dont give up just learn from it, and you never know she may become single again in the future.
     
  4. Pigme1788

    Pigme1788 Guest

    Thanks! It definitely helps knowing I'm not the only one. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 9th Feb 2012 at 09:55 AM ----------

    You're very right, plenty of fish in the sea, right. :slight_smile: If it's meant to be, than it would be. That being said, if she is ever single again, I won't be hesitating the next time!
     
  5. Dykezz

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    I love your poem
     
  6. Pigme1788

    Pigme1788 Guest

    Thanks so much!