Hey all - I've been reading posts around here for quite a while now, but I haven't really posted too much myself. I found this site when I was only out to a few people, and most everything I read made me feel more comfortable with myself and and ready to come out to... the world! And I thought I had come out to the world. At least the important people in my world, anyways. Friends, check. Parents, check. Grandparents, check. Facebook, check. Tonight I discovered I am apparently not as out as I thought I was. I'm really involved in a Christian organization at my school, and the vast majority of my friends are part of this group as well. I'm closer with some than with others, and I didn't want to have an awkward, sit-down, "I have something to tell you" conversation with all of them at the beginning of last semester, either individually or collectively, so I came out pretty explicitly to about eight or so of them, and figured word of mouth and comments by me would take care of the rest. Boy, was I wrong. I was talking with two friends tonight and, in the course of conversation, discovered that one of them didn't know I'm gay. The friend who did know mentioned that she wasn't sure how many in the church group actually knew that I was gay. This blew me away... I thought I'd been out to pretty much everyone for a whole semester! Surprised by this news, and thinking that my friend must be wrong, I went upstairs where many in the group were studying and asked "So, just a quick question, everyone does know I'm gay, right?" Three out of six did not know. HALF OF THEM. I was flabbergasted, and went back downstairs with an "All right, good to know". And now... I feel really sad for some reason. Here I was thinking everyone knew and accepted me, and that just wasn't true. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here... consolation? Advice on how to not feel awkward after I outed myself in a pretty awkward way? Advice on how to be more obviously gay? My comments must've been pretty obvious, because the two first years in my polling sample knew I was gay without me ever having to tell them outright. I apologize for the length of this post. I just wanted to give appropriate background and vent a little bit. There's really no reason for me to even feel bad about this - I'm now out to four more people! - it's just I thought I was already out to them. And that kinda sucks.
Look, there isn't much to be upset over here. If the fact that you were gay didn't spread by word of mouth, it only means that most of your friends aren't gossips, which is a good thing. There's no such thing as "obviously gay", gay people come in a variety of personalities just like straight people. And if they accepted you for who you are, great! If you want to tell everyone, you can tell them either individually or in a group, but don't assume that you need to be out to everyone. Don't worry about it, everything is fine! Your problem is that you're not out enough, and a LOT of people wish they could be as lucky as you to be in that position. You shouldn't waste it.
Thanks for your response! Intellectually I know that there's no reason to feel sad... I've made a ton of progress in coming out (for me, the more out I am, the more "progress") and the position I'm in is pretty fabulous, over all. I'll try to keep that in mind and let my head rule over my emotions for now I don't actually know that they "accepted" me, per say, which is probably what makes me a bit nervous. The "All right, good to know" comment was from me, actually; they didn't have much of a reaction, though I don't anticipate any problems. At any rate, thank you for your response and for reminding me how lucky I really am!
I can understand the irrational feelings of being sad about it. Its one of those things that you know it doesn't make sense, but that doesn't change the fact that you are still feeling it. When I have those things happen to me, I just have to slap myself a little and tell myself to move on. It is hard to realize that you aren't as out as you thought you were, but now that you know that is all about doing something about it. You already know that you have the courage for it and you know that you are comfortable with the thought of being out to everyone, which most of the times is the hardest thing to have, so now its all about telling the important people around you. Do keep in mind, though, that you don't have to try and seem more "gay" in order for people to get it. Just be yourself and slowly people will get it. You can do things like talk about girls if the occasion arises, talk about LGBT politics or anything related to LGBT. The trick is to try and be happy with where you are right now. Might not be where you want to be in the future, but for now enjoy it. Enjoy what you have accomplish and focus on what you want to accomplish in the future
Silver lining in this case is you've helped prove to many other readers that your (or their) sexuality isn't the hottest, juiciest, and most controversial news in the world. I see that as a good thing, personally. I only have one friend who I've had an in-depth conversation with regarding being bi (mostly gay). I've casually said "I'm bi" to quite a few friends during "we need to hook you up with..." conversations. They never miss a beat. I'd think they didn't hear me, but, they certainly did - they didn't care (in a good way). For me, that's nice to know.
