Hello everyone! I'm trying to decide how far i should come out of the closet. Right now, my [nuclear] family knows, three of my friends, and three of my brothers friends (long story..). I live outside chicago... though not close enough to really get involved in the LGBT community there. Basically, its a very rural area with lots of cornfields, religious poeple and, well, republicans - a lot of them opposed to the idea of gay rights and whatnot. I'm a junior high school, so there's two years to go before i could move to the more accepting environment of university. The thing is, I REALLY want a girlfriend. I suppose that's what u get when sixteen years of repressed emotion come out, but im terrified to come out to my highschool. I dont think i would be physically harmed, but i run the risk of being ostrascized. This has happened to a girl i'm acquaintences with, although it was middle school and people were more fickle back then. So, my question is, should I come out in h.s. or wait for college? I don't think their are many gay/bi girls in my school anyway.. i think 3 are openly gay/bi and they're all in realtionships. what do you think? is it worth it?
Don't come out of the closet just because you want a girlfriend. Things don't really just happen. But if you feel comfortable enough in your environment, then take the steps to coming out slowly. Being in a relationship takes time and money, and the long term ones need stability. With college in the future, then later a career, getting into a relationship just to say that you're in one is not the best idea. If you feel a connection for someone, then form the relationship, but right now, please save your innocence for someone who really deserves it. College can be an amazing place to come out. Generally, the more educated people are, the more liberal they tend to be.
I wish I had come out in high school, solely because I feel I would be more comfortable with it at this point in my life. I didn't start coming out until the tail end of college and now I have to do a lot of back peddling to friends who have known me as straight for so long. But my high school is very liberal and I wouldn't have had much of a problem with it as far as ostracizing and stuff goes. I'm sure my skater-punk friends would give me a lot of shit but I was one of those guys that was in like every social circle. Our school had a gay-straight alliance club and everything so its a completely different environment.
Admittedly, I have no experience with this myself. However, my highschool was in a small city, and I know the people who were out at my school (there weren't many, maybe 5), were very accepted. From what I saw, they never seemed to get bullied by anyone at the school and they seemed quite content in life, and had many friends. Granted, my school wasn't very religious, so that's a factor you'd have to keep in mind. Another point - my friend's brother came out a couple of years ago, in his fourth year of university, and is a completely different person now than he was in highschool. In highschool, he was always sullen, withdrawn, seemed unhappy all of the time. And ever since he's come out, he is just loving life, has never been happier. And he even says, he wishes that he had come out in highschool, because it was keeping his true self hidden from the world, that made him so depressed. He says the scrutiny that he gets from some people now is not nearly as bad as having to keep your feelings and life a secret. Anyhoo, I'm not sure if this was at all helpful. In the end, my advice is to follow your gut. Do what you feel is right for you and everything will work out in the end. Good luck!(*hug*)
It seems like all the important people know. How supportive is your family? If they are supportive of you, and your friends are loyal, I think you'd be okay coming out. I think that being closeted has some pretty nasty effects on people psychologically, so if you can come out safely, I think you will probably be better off doing so. If you have three friends at school who will stand by you, I don't think you run too much risk of being ostracized. Do you think they would abandon you?
Only one of my friends at school knows. The other one is at a different school and one is graduated. The one at my school definitley won't abandon me, but i'm not sure about my other friends.
