Does it make a difference to have someone to talk to about who I like and that type of stuff. Like having a friend who I cant tell who I think is cute and stuff? Or is it the same as keeping to myself? Cause I kind of feel the need to tell somebody, to talk about it, but for some reason I cant! and I dont know if it really makes things better, or its the same.
It's a neutral topic for me. I usually keep my attractions or whatever to myself because I'm not an overtly sexual person, but sometimes people will ask me about it and I don't know what to say. I think that the first few times you mention something like this to someone it feels like a rush because it's so new and novel, something you've never done before, but then the fun wears off pretty quickly. I think you should be more open about your feelings and stuff like that, what's the harm in that? Especially since you're still in the process of coming out. It's better to get these thoughts out of your mind, into someone else or on paper, so it isn't bouncing around in an echo-chamber. Plus, there are perks, once people know what you like. Let's say your best girlfriend has some pretty racy shots of a former quarterback in his underwear, and less? And maybe she showed you those pictures? You know?
I'm the same way as you, in that it's hard for me to talk about things. I think that when you finally get the mind set where you are comfortable to talk about things, it really can make a difference. While it might not make the problems necessarily better, it frames them in a way that allows you to be more comfortable with whatever is going on. The fact that you can share whatever is bothering you, rather than fearing and repressing it, allows you to feel more in control and comfortable with the situation. At the least, it helps clear up the anxieties of feeling like you aren't able to share, and it will allow you to build stronger relationships because you are able to express your vulnerability to those you love.
Brilliant idea, Kidd. Journals for everyone! Or email yourself, if you're scared of someone finding your journal. Personally I keep a "fap" folder named "2008 Taxes".
I mostly only talk to my female friends about these kinds of things. I generally refuse to talk to my male friends about boys. Most of the gay guys I meet and get to know don't reach that personal level with me.
Well, for me it does make a difference. I don't generally talk about "gay stuff" a lot, but there is a certain comfort in knowing I don't have to bite my tongue when I want to. Though it is easier with some friends than with others. In general, I have less problems talking about it with my male friends than my female ones, for example. And different friends in different settings also cause me to open up more or less. Hanging out with 5 friends in a busy bar means I have no problem ranking all the patrons in order of attractiveness, but hanging out one-on-one with one friend at his place generally makes me avoid the topic entirely. So what you might want to do is try making simple remarks to friends in different suituations. They don't need to lead to deep conversations about attraction and what's it like to be gay. Just a "wow, that waiter really is cute" or the like can already test the waters. If they continue on the topic of the cute waiter, then good! If not, then no biggie: continue on to other topics. at the least, they got used to the fact that you're not blind in addition to being gay
Find a really good friend who understands you and that you trust a lot and is completely okay with you being gay. It is extremely helpful to talk to someone about who you like.
