So. There's this girl I work with and she is an out-of-Narnia lesbian. Has a serious girlfriend and everything. Totally not my type, romantically (and much younger than me) but she's fun to be around. We don't work in the same "department" but see each other maybe once a week, never away from work. Each of us has confided a few secrets to the other about dumb stuff we have gotten away with (tormenting the boss and such). I work nonstop, and my job is sort of a 24-7 lifestyle choice in the public eye. I have "acquaintances" and "colleagues", not friends. I guess I could consider her "friend-ish". I have been truly lonely with the gayness of me. EC helps so much, but it's not a substitute for a face-to-face talk. And it's seeming more and more that I am Kinsey 6, not Kinsey 3. I have NEVER been able to say out loud, "I am gay." Not to anyone. Lynch mobs might form (I'm not kidding, in this part of the world right now it's entirely possible) and it's sort of a "given" that I would lose my job that requires me to be a Christian media darling who never sins. So I'm thinking maybe she might be OK to come out to. Maybe. This is an awfully big secret and it would probably be tempting for her - for anyone - to out me to the media. But it's getting to be too much of a burden to keep to myself. And I have questions and she came out in this area and survived and I'm dying to know how. Plus if my family knows that's it, goodbye family, and I need friends who would support me. Whew! OK, didn't know all that was pent up in there. So should I wait to tell her, get to be better friends first? I don't want her to think that I'm trying to hit on her. Or maybe going places with her would be worse for her thinking I was hitting on her. Her girlfriend already gives me dirty looks whenever I see her, but that could be just because of the aforementioned "Christian media darling" thing. I don't blame her - I would give me dirty looks too. I am seriously freaking out just thinking about this. HOLY CRAP WHAT DO I DO
I'm just a bit curious how she can be in the same business as you (although different department) and still be happily out. If she not at all in the public eye? Anyways, I totally agree that you should get to be better friends with her first. Considering the risks you've listed, it does not sound like a great idea to be handing out this piece of information to somebody you do not yet completely trust. I do think it would be a good thing to come out to someone who will be understanding and supportive, but just make sure she's that person first.
She is not at all in the public eye. She is more in the "behind-the-scenes" department. Thank you for the advice, I'll take it.
Well if you tell her, i'm sure she'd completely understand you not wanting anyone else to know right now, I mean she's gone through the same thing. You should tell her if you want to, don't feel forced to. But trust me, telling people can be extremely relieving. Good luck
The problem with waiting until you are better friends is that being closeted makes it more difficult to really feel close to anyone. As long as you are hiding who you really are, you will feel like nobody knows the real you. She sounds like she might be an excellent person to tell. Maybe you could ask her what she thinks of Perez Hilton or someone like that who is known for outing people to the press. That might give you a read on whether that's something she thinks is acceptable.
