for those still in the closet...do you still go out to straight places?

First of all, fear not: I'm not going to give my usual "come out" line. You know my position on that by now

But when I was still in the closet, I never stopped going to straight places.
In fact, after coming out to myself but before coming out to friends, I went out to straight places more than I ever did before I figured out I was gay. Somehow the fact that I knew some of how I acted was an act made it easier than when I was trying to really be straight.

Of course, it required the necessary aloofness towards girls (if any girl ever showed interest, I just politely nodded, kept to small-talk, never exchanged numbers and never looked back), and uninterestedness when the topic came up among male friends (usually I'd change the subject at first opportunity, or if unavoidable, I'd imagine I was a jury member in a beauty contest). Essentially, while I wasn't out, I behaved as asexually as I could. But I generally did have fun most of the time.

The local bar scene in my hometown is more geared towards hangng out with your own friends rather than interacting with (or even acknowledging) other people, though, so my experiences might not apply to other social scenes.

 

Do you like hanging out with your straight friends anyway? I don't see it would be any different if you were at their apartment, a party somewhere, or at a bar. Just because you're at a bar, doesn't mean you're there for sexual hook ups and have to dance with anyone or have to go home with someone you just met. Go! Have fun! And some of my buddies talk about the "babes" and I usually ignore the conversation until they get to something I want to talk about. I never fake sexual interest in a woman just to fit in. I will make a comment if someone looks especially skanky or is doing something stupid. (One straight buddy I've been to bars with said "That explains a lot of things" when I came out to him.)

Relax. Have fun. But don't waste the energy pretending to be something you're not.

Tracker

 

I used to - a lot - I really like trackers advice haha. Recently I went to a straight club and I know it is pretty much a forced act. What did I wake up with the next day - well a hangover for starters, then a glimmer of memory of a hot as hell guy dancing with me making ga ga eyes (obv wasnt straight).. but I was in a straight scene with ppl I'd just met.. and boy was this guy hawwt, and I doubt straight.

Sure, I could have talked to him more.. and perhaps there would have been some chance of picking him up.. but I was intoxicated and artificial in that environment. The ppl I was out with that night I basically told I was gay.. and one guy said 'Oh I always thought there was something about you' haha.

You don't have to sit at home, no.. you can still go out, have fun.. just don't bother being something your not.. if you wanna dance with a girl, why not, but partaking in conversations about hot girls and whatnot, well if you are just going to be artificial and try and 'fit in', you may as well sit at home.. ya get what Im saying?

 

Yeah, I view it as gaining acting expeerience. If I ever want to get a role in Hollywood I must be able to show myself lusting after other teenagers, specifically girls. I don't know if you can view it that way but it helps for me. (normally I'm using the Michael Cera/Jesse Eisenberg theory of getting girls, awkward and adorable.. But I never actually try, I just act the part, you know?)

 

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Something that is supposed to be fun can definitely become stressful. Especially when I have all of my straight friends trying to set me up with a chick. They will say things like, "you know, you could make out with any girl at this party". It can get annoying trying to work so hard to hide everything. I usually just say I have really high standards. Which is not actually that much of a lie, haha. And it works out because all of the girls at my college are not very attractive anyways. And I came from a high school where there were a bunch of extremely hot chicks. Like everywhere. So my standards are a bit skewed. I try to explain this to my friends, and they just say I need to drink more, haha. It sometimes does prevent me from having a good time though. So I know what you mean.

 

No - I lost him in the club lol.. I was traveling at the time so totally solo. I hadn't even talked to him and just started dancing with me on the dance floor.. We were on a pub crawl and exchanging glances all night.. but actually I was more interested in a straight guy I was hanging out with!! The sad part is this guy was mega straight and checking out girls left right and centre.. poor form on my part. So we are both learning the same thing here it seems insidehappy! haha

This guy was dutch and truly beautiful.. he danced with me and as I looked into his eyes I couldn't dance properly no more, was kinda tranced haha... one of those 'This guy is gay and into me' moments.. sigh.. I'd had too much to drink that night, and he was traveling with hoards of straighties from his college as well lol *kicks self* - I still have the nice memory though I guess .. I get what your saying that the down low ones are quite hot, at least seem to be more hot than at gay bars.. but I have seen some pretty damn hot dudes in gay bars as well. Who knows lol.

I like your mindset, its the right one to have.. still go out and have a good time - why not! Just if you run into a situation like mine, be sure to put in the extra leg work to pursue it - also I'd advise drinking lots in your straight male environs *double kicks self*.. I used to do this, and it really gets you no where except hungover and hating yourself the next day..

 

Well I figured I'd answer since I'm still in the closet. Honestly, I don't go to any gay related places or even have any gay friends If I were to go somewhere like a club, it would be to a straight club. I rarely go to clubs but the few times that I have gone, I've had guys hit on me and normally, I would just dance with them politely but if they asked me for my number, I would just say I'm not interested. Because it's a club, I can get away with saying "oh that guy was too sleazy or he wasn't cute". You could probably say something like "oh a lot of people in this club are slutty and I"m not interested in meeting someone like that". I know there's a lot more pressure on guys in this regards but try it to see if it works. I personally don't mind going to straight places, after all I've been doing it all of my life.

Oh and even though I'm a girl, I can totally relate to what you guys were saying about your friends trying to set you up or how your friends talk about the opposite sex all the time. I don't know how many times I've heard girls go on and on about their boyfriends or the hottest guys on a tv show, and I'm just thinking to myself "when can I get out of here?"

Like other people have been saying, just go out with your friends, have fun, and if someone comes up to you, just say you're not interested.

 

For me it's kind of like what Tracker said... I enjoy going to a party or a get-togather with my straight friends (don't rly know anyone who is gay) just to hang out and have a couple of drinks. Though it's probably different for me as they seem to all be in a relationship, so they don't rly talk about other girls or look about for them so much. If they do though, I just kind of ignore that.

Regarding 'going out' though I'm not rly a bar/club person, so I don't rly go out to any (straight or gay - second one especially since I'm not even yet completely comfortable with myself as it is).

But anyhow I always enjoy meeting with frinds just for the company if nothing else.

 

Its sooo cringeworthy when a girl comes up to you and starts flirting. Some of them are such nice girls too.