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Non-reciprocal friend talk

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by B733, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. B733

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    Hi guys, I hope you've all been well.

    I'm just wondering whether I've been doing the right thing.

    M and I have been friends for a while now, and I've felt that he hasn't been towing the line of our friendship. I'd bend over backwards for him, whereas he'd occasionally brush me off, and it has really been heartbreaking. No, we are not in a relationship at all.

    We'd often meet up once or twice a week, and when university resumes, we'll be in the exact same classes for the year. Yesterday, he had brushed me off, again. It might be a petty issue, but this is the third time that it's happened, and I had cracked it.

    I said in the car that it's been the third time. He didn't seem to understand. At home, I wrote a text and compiled an email that went straight to the core of the issue, discussing that although he's a good friend, I have no appreciation of being continually brushed off when it is I who is more than happy to go the extra mile for him, and he knows that, based on his reply.

    He said that he's sorry, in his reply. He had also said that I've been the better friend of the two of us, and that I am the best friend he has made in university.

    I feel bad, and I'm wondering whether I've gone too far in writing my messages. I value his company, and he has said openly that he enjoys my company, as well. Thus far, I'm not experiencing that.

    Have I ruined our friendship by making things awkward from here on in? Or will things be bound to improve?

    Sorry, I'm really bad with dealing with non-reciprocal friendships.
     
  2. insidehappy

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    i think you did the right thing.

    you had a problem

    you gave it chances to see if it would resolve.

    it didn't so instead of being passive aggressive, you brought it to his attention (the letter was a iittle much tho imo if you are friends you coudl have talked about it) but anyways, you did.

    he is aware, apologized and agreed.

    show him you're over it by asking him to hang out somewhere fun like you all always do.

    if he continues to brush you off again, do not address it just start to wean off him
     
  3. B733

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    Thanks for your response.

    I did try and express my concerns in the car, but the journey was relatively short. He seemed as though he didn't understand when I had raised the issue with him. By the time I had made another effort to convey my concerns, we had already arrived at his drop-off point.

    What do you mean by 'do not address it just start to wean off him'?
     
  4. insidehappy

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    by this i mean that if you feel like you keep getting blown off, then just step back. there's really no need to bring it up again..."hey i know we talked about this before, but im feeling like you're blowing me off again." you have alraedy addressed this and he is aware, if he keeps blowing you off, just limited your involvement with him.