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bigender and having trouble coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by stephaniko, Feb 11, 2012.

  1. stephaniko

    Full Member

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    So I recently figured out that I am bigender. My whole life I was told that my boyishness was "just a phase" or that I was just a tomboy. I realized more and more the older I got that this isn't the case. I have days where I am distinctly male and I like to go by Niko and days were I feel girly and feminine and I go by my real name Stephanie.

    I have only been able to come out to my best friend and my boyfriend. my best friend is a transguy so he understands and supports me completely, but my boyfriend doesn't seem so supportive. Every time I try to bring it up to talk about it, or tell him that I feel male that day, he changes the subject all together. He says he is fine with it but his actions say otherwise.

    And then there are my friends and family I am terrified to come out to them. I know that my mother would love me just the same. When I came out as bisexual she said she already knew and that it was normal. But for some reason I can't bring myself to tell anyone else. I want to dress as a boy on my male days and hang out with my friends as Niko but I dont know what they would do and i'm scared because they are all guys and I feel like I would be judged I guess on how accurately I can present as a boy.

    any advice on how I can overcome this?
     
  2. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I don't really know much about bigender, but props to you for trying to be yourself. Its hard to be yourself, but whatever you do stay true to yourself. Keep in mind, though, that you have to give people time to understand. People still have a very hard time when it comes to dealing with different gender identities, so you have to be very patient with people.

    Have you tried contacting a support group around your area? Maybe a therapist that knows how to handle gender identity situation could be really helpful.

    Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
     
  3. BradThePug

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I have come out as bisexual to my parents but I have not come out as bigendered to any of my family. I have only come out to some of my friends as bigendered. I know that this does not help much, but I'm just glad to hear that I am not the only one in this situation.
     
  4. stephaniko

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    thanks so much for the support :slight_smile: and no, I live in a very small southern town that is dominantly southern baptist so there isn't a whole lot of support for LGBT things here so my only support system is this website and the couple people who know already

    I think I may be expecting too much from my boyfriend all at once so thank you for reminding me to be patient :slight_smile: