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He can't accept himself-im on the friend only list... frusttated/sad

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Iamme, Feb 11, 2012.

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  1. Iamme

    Iamme
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    Hi all,

    Hope you're doing well. Idk if many of you saw my other post or not, but in short I fell in love with a guy who can't accept himself. He tried "outing" himself on Fb to "try this out" and overall, ppl didnt care. We are supposed to be best friends, but I hardly see him- and when I do the physical attraction is so strong between us something usually happens.

    Well last night, he told me he fucked a girl Thursday night it was good and he likes her. He said that he and I must ONLY be friends and I need to keep my feelings, thoughts, and comments about him to myself esp around him and others. I've had feelings for him for over 2 yrs and he's known all along. The sex we had was amazing and even when he'd say, we can't do this anymore we need to stop he'd keep bringing it up. He told me last week that he can't accept himself as being gay and that's ok.

    Now idk what to do. I'm hurt bc our friendship got lost in all of this and "trying to be a couple" yet he wouldn't even try going on a date or just spending real time with me to see how things might go. I feel that he's choosing this girl just to keep his "cover" and hide who he really is.

    We were talking about going out of town for a couple of days just as friends and he brought sex into it... he made the comment how he'd like his head in my lap- that was 2 days ago n now i'm supposed to just move on and pretend none of it ever happened...

    Any feedback comments or anything please express them- it sucks not having a great network of ppl to talk to about this bc we kept so much on the DL but anyone that knows us, knows there's something between us.... Ugg
     
    #1 Iamme, Feb 11, 2012
  2. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    I think you're going to have to distance yourself from him for a while--maybe until you find someone else. Just be honest with him and tell him it's too painful for you to keep going this way.

    I know that's difficult, but it's my best advice for this situation. He's not ready to have a real relationship with you, regardless of whatever his sexuality may be.
     
    #2 Ianthe, Feb 11, 2012
  3. insidehappy

    insidehappy
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    you have to distance yourself from him. he is confused and that confusion will only hurt you. he is fighting with himself and as a result you are becoming someone that he can get physical with but still deny an emotional attachment. do not allow yourself to be placed in this position. he cannot like you like you want him to like you right now or maybe every. so wish him well and do not contact him anymore. learn from this. someone that is not sure of what they want, and what their sexuality is, cannot really offer you the type of relationship you would like. do not date them in the future.
     
    #3 insidehappy, Feb 11, 2012
  4. starlightonmars

    starlightonmars
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    Trust me, you deserve a lot more than this. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, and knows that they would be lucky to be with you, not someone who treats you like that. You can do better. I know it's difficult, but he needs time to work things out in his head, and to accept himself, and until that happens, you aren't going to be happy, you need to move on, even though it's difficult.
     
    #4 starlightonmars, Feb 11, 2012
  5. Iamme

    Iamme
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    Thank you for your input- it's really helpful and much appreciated. You are all right- I do deserve better and if he wants to deny me and us then it is his loss. I need to be with someone who wants to shout from the highest mountain and not in the back of a closet. The hardest thing is the 4+ year friendship. It was built on such solid ground and up until now we have always accepted each other for WHO we Are and NOT put on a show in front of others- I can't believe he has asked me to "pretend" just so he's more comfortable, that is NOT the man I fell in love with. I don't know that I will ever see that man again.
     
    #5 Iamme, Feb 12, 2012
  6. GoogieHowser

    GoogieHowser Guest

    You need to take those experiences and relationship skills and parlay them into something else with someone else. Life is too short waste time on those who don't return our affection. Im also willing to bet that you're a good catch and would make something proud to be your boyfriend...and not ashamed of it or who they are. move on
     
    #6 GoogieHowser, Feb 12, 2012
  7. Iamme

    Iamme
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    Thanks GoogieHowser,

    In the end, it's his loss. I'll move on and when he finally realizes he let the best thing he had get away, he'll be back but he'll be too late. Once the window closes to him, a door won't open for him- in the end, he'll be lucky if the friendship remains. If it doesn't it's on him bc he's the one fighting with him inner self.
     
    #7 Iamme, Feb 12, 2012
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