am i horrible? lol I feel like a guy who leaves after the conquest

Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets.

I don't think this is a problem. It doesn't seem like any of the people you are talking about are really even available to you anyway.

If this keeps happening when you are actually dating people, it might be a problem. But you might find that it's totally different when you have someone who returns your feelings. Presuming that these girls are mostly straight or otherwise unavailable in the first place, it is not really in your best interest to develop very strong feelings for them. You know that, even unconsciously. So, it's easy to use their minor flaws as reasons not to be interested in them.

Are any of the girls you are talking about gay or bisexual, that you know of for sure?

Also, I think you might be a little confused about what it means to be a feminist. And you should definitely know, badmouthing feminists is not really going to go over very well among queer people, or especially lesbians. I'm not very bothered personally, but I think you should know that it will rub a lot of people the wrong way. If you are in a community with older lesbians, like my parents age, they may totally freak out. Most lesbians are feminists, and a lot of the ones from that generation are really avid feminists.

So, basically, talking crap about feminists is going to get you in some serious hot water in the lesbian community. Fair warning.

 

There are a few possibilities. It's possible that you simply haven't met the right kind of person yet who can sustain your interest. It's possible that your expectations are too high and you need to realize that nobody will be absolutely perfect. Or it's possible that you're using people's "weaknesses" as an excuse to keep them at a distance because you're actually insecure about having a relationship yourself.

 

I was going to say something to this effect, too. :lol:

But, to Whoknows - I don't think it's abnormal at all. The first date or first encounter with a person is not the point where you make all your decisions about how you're going to feel about them. I've had good first dates that turned out to go nowhere, and I've had mediocre first dates - and even second dates - that left me feeling a little strange, or uncomfortable, or something other than purely happy, but eventually those feelings changed.

As Ianthe said though, these aren't even people you're dating, properly speaking, so without even that filter to predispose you towards liking someone, I think it's even more to be expected that you change your mind about people (for better or for worse) the more you learn about them.

How about you - do *you* feel like having these responses is preventing you from getting to know people better, or from getting into a relationship with someone?