Despite my progress, there are times where I find myself wondering why I was born this way. I find it difficult to fathom why or how I could physically be one way, but mentally be so radically different. What's the purpose? How can it happen? Why? I understand that I am this way, but there are just too many questions without answers. I try not to think about it, but I can't help it sometimes. I was born male, but I have a female gender identity. I am asked often how that is possible. I don't know, though. I can't provide an answer.
If you ever feel up to it, do a Google image search for "birth defects," if you have an especially strong stomach Google "birth defect baby." Even the first is hard to look at, I personally can't do it. The point being, the universe or God or whatever produces people with the most horrific deformities and abnormalities imaginable; many of them are so bad that the baby is either stillborn or dies shortly after birth, often in horrible pain. Given that, it doesn't seem so odd that some people are born with the comparatively minor birth defect of having a brain whose gender doesn't match its body's sex.
That whole argument of "other people have it worse" is rather weak and is kinda insulting. I have a friend that's intersex, so I know it could be worse, but that knowledge doesn't answer my questions. You did bring up another question, though: is it really a birth defect?
From a medical standpoint, it does cause a disorder (dysphoria) and it is present at birth...sounds like a birth defect to me. No matter how accepting society becomes of transgendered individuals, that dysphoria will never go away without a treatment plan of some sort. De-pathologizing GID only serves to hurt transgender people, not help them. "Birth defect" sounds un-PC, but labeling it as something else won't be as effective in changing attitudes about it. It's much better simply to be proud of who you are no matter how defective you may be, and not let your defect get in the way of living life the way you want to.
I think the question you're asking isn't one that can be solved easily. As to why you were born that way, I don't know why you or any transgender people were born that way and I'm not sure that there are many people that do. I've come to the conclusion that there is no purpose as to why we are the way we are. It just is. But I think that through these experiences, we find our own purpose and meaning. Basically, you can give a purpose to your experiences of being trans or you may not. We all have random struggles in life and through chance, yours happens to be that you have a different gender identity than the one you were born with. I know it's not a very fulfilling answer but I think that the best way to go about things is to accept what we can't change and live a life of happiness and satisfaction. And if you're still wondering about why you were born trans, then maybe your experiences will bring you to finding the truth so that you can help other trans people with the same question. So that's what I think. Sorry if it wasn't helpful!
This video has helped me in reconciling some of the "why" questions. It's a full-length documentary so it's a bit long and I'm not sure it will help you as much since it's about a trans man, but thought I'd post it anyway. My favorite part is when he talks about some Native American cultures that believed there were as many different genders as there were people. Made it seem like more of just a part of being alive. <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WehObptbVuU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> Call Me Malcolm (2005 Transgender Female-to-Male Documentary) Part 1 of 7 - YouTube
It's weird - I do have an inquisitive nature. I wonder how things work, or if there are different ways to do things. But I don't questions why things ARE all that much. I never gave my sexuality all that much thought. Once I recognized I was gay, I didn't give much thought towards "Well, I'm male, and so I'm SUPPOSED to like women - why don't I?" I just sort of thought "Well, looks like I'm gay. Now what?" Maybe this would be a lot harder place for me to come to grips with if I were transgender than gay, but I've seen enough gay people go through it to make me think it's not uncommon with gays, either. Give that, I guess I'm just happy I got to that point quickly, because I could focus on things that I COULD do things about. Lex
oh please, its no birth defect, shouldnt even be thinking of it in a "defect" kind of context because then it implies there is something wrong with you and you need fixing or disposing of. its not enough to be proud either, what is there to be proud of if your too busy trying to "fit in"? people care too much about how they are seen out in public and care too much for other peoples opinions, learn to not give a fuck once in awhile.
Why were you (and me) born this way? The odds of someone being transsexual are about 1/10000. So why us? Its completely random. But someone has to be trans, and it just so happens that its us. It sucks. Theres no reason why we have to suffer and not them. But theres nothing we can do.
