So, basically, yeah. I'm at uni now, and over the past couple of weeks have started to come out. I've known I was gay for, about 4-5 years I think. I dared not tell anyone even though I think it's pretty fucking obvious. I told a girl in my flat first, we're quite close, and I knew she would be supportive. I was still a bit drunk to be honest, but it gave me that little confidence boost haha. Anyway she was completely amazing about it, and made me feel so much better. I told another friend in my flat a few days ago (also drunk.. lol) and she is also cool with it. Last night I was so fucking emotional, I told two really close friends that I know from home. I was like crying my eyes out haha, but they were also really lovely about it. Telling them was different though, because I've known them for years, and it suddenly seemed very real that this was happening. I always tried to convince myself I was straight just so I wouldn't have to deal with it.. Anway. Oh and I was drunk again.... I can't seem to tell people sober. Is this bad?? I'm not an alcoholic or anything lol, but I am way too shy to tell anyone without a bit of liquid courage. So now i'm trying to figure out what to do next. I've taken the first steps, and I am pretty sure I can do this. I do not want to think about how my dad and brother will react. That will be the most difficult part. My mum and my sister I think would accept me for whoever I am, which I am really grateful for. Its just my dad and brother that will probably never be able to look at me in the same way again.... I am coming home for easter hols in march, I do not no if I will be ready though. I really am trying to not think about it. If it all turns to shit then at least I'm not living at home and won't have to deal with them, but I don't want everything to change. How am I meant to know what to do next?? I don't want to end up telling everyone in a drunken mess like before. I still can't even say the words "I'm gay" out loud without cringing. It doesn't help that I'm a very quiet person anyway... SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEE I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE!!!
This is not bad at all. It is really difficult at first to work up the courage to say you are gay, and to normalize it as part of your life and identity. Months after coming out, I still get nervous talking about boys with my friends and all them are totally okay with it, and actually love when I do it, because it shows them that I am comfortable with myself. I tried doing the drunk thing, but that didn't work for me, so I used letters to tell my friends, so yeah we each have our own way and level of comfort in doing this. its tough coming out to family, but I actually found that my brother and my dad were much more supportive than my mom, who struggled a lot to have positive attitude. This is a little awkward because sexual orientation is well sexual, but I have actually found that it has brought my brother and I and my dad closer because it has forced us to talk about things we would never have talked about before. And don't worry it will get easier over time. One thing I might suggest is going to see a counselor. I know most american colleges have free services and maybe it is the same in Britain. This was really helpful for me because I was able to practice talking about being gay in a non-threatening environment. I also have made it a point to write the word gay whenever I email people about being gay, and also to say as much as possible. Again, after years of supressing this, its hard to talk about it. It was a big victory for me when I wrote, "I am gay" in my journal. As for what to do next. Right now, there are two important things to do: 1) getting more comfortable being out, i.e. talking to your friends about boys or gay issues, and coming out to people you feel like you need to tell. These two things will reinforce your identity and confidence. Once you feel adequately comfortable, you are then free to do what all of us are shooting for which is dating. best of luck, and shoot me a message if you have any questions, especially about counseling. I know it is a difficult place to be in right now, but things will eventually sort themselves out.
The way you act when you are drunk is totally normal. I have told some people I was gay when drunk when I would be afraid to say anything normally. Once I told an active duty marine I have met twice in my life. But when it comes to the family I would say just feel how the whole situation is going. If all is going well maybe try and sit one or both parents down and just tell them. For me this was a spur of the moment final decision to tell them, so if you actually want to tell them be ready because any moment might be the right one.
Thank you for the reply Yea I think I do need to get more comfortable with it, and get used to the idea of it. I dont want to rush it right? I dont know what the deal is with counseling here but i'm pretty sure theres a lgbt society at my uni which I might look into, so I can talk more freely to people. I can't tell you how nice it is reading all the other posts on this website by people in the same boat
Definitely look into the LGBT group at your school--nothing will be as good for you as meeting some other gay people. What makes you worry about your dad and brother, specifically? Have they said things that you think are particularly homophobic? Maybe you could tell your sister first, and get her support--how old is she?
I dont know, I just think they are typical blokes. And probably haven't had any interaction with gay people before and so might be quick to judge. I may be overthinking this, I just have this hunch I can't shake off. They have never said anything specifically homophobic, for which I am glad. my sister is 19, yeah I think I will tell her first. I nearly told her when she was visiting me, but I held back. I think I didn't want to make the whole day about me, and just wanted to have a catch up with her without any coming-out drama lol.
