I've got a long story, but here's the short of it. I was in a very bad relationship a few years ago, my first girlfriend. Changed my life in many ways, good and bad. Things got too difficult for me to handle on my own, so I told my parents because I needed help. I was terrified, and it wasn't the best circumstances to broach the issue, but I thought that I should be able to turn to my parents no matter what... Basically they supported me, but not being a lesbian. They told me that they did not raise their child to be that way. Took me to church etc. My father told me he wouldn't love me anymore and that no homosexual relationship ever ends up happy because it is a sin...eventually I stopped talking about it, and out 'conversations' were him just yelling at me until I showed no sign of even thinking about dating women again. I thought long and hard about things and...I am a lesbian. I've been away at school living on my own and felt comfortable to be completely open with my friends at school. But I live every day in fear of what will happen if my parents find out. I love them very much, and I want them to accept this part of me. It's killing me, I need advice.
Hi, welcome to Empty Closets! I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience with your parents. All I can recommend is to build a support system of people who love you for who you are, and come out to them again when you are ready and that is in place. At that point, if they won't accept you, you will need to distance yourself from them. If you just keep it a secret forever, you will always feel that they don't love you for your true self. You will resent them, and feel distant from them anyway, and it will terribly undermine your relationship with them. The fact is, you do not have choice about being a lesbian. They, on the other hand, do have a choice about how they respond to you. You can only control the things you have some choice in: whether to be honest and authentic in your life, or to hide your true self, for example. Unfortunately, you don't get to make their choices for them: you can't force them to accept you. So, make sure you have good support from people who love you before you come out to them. (Just so you know, most parents ultimately don't disown you, even if they threaten to. When they realize that you are still going to be gay, no matter what they do, they almost always still love you and want you around for Christmas and whatnot--although your partner may not be invited. And then they slowly become more accepting over time.)
