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Letting Out Anger

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LdSlnce, Feb 13, 2012.

  1. LdSlnce

    LdSlnce Guest

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    How wrong is it to resent your mother in some small way?

    My mom is a good mom: she feeds us, takes care of us, and all that motherly stuff. I still resent her. I love her, but I resent her still. She promised all the time to leave my dad permanently if the drama came back. She never did. She always came back. Always. She said it was for us, her kids. If it was, how come she kept making us go through all of that? My brother and I are messed up in small ways because of that.

    He doesn't care too much for our dad. We can't seem to let our guard down now that everything is calm; all the drama happened when it was calm. I can't seem to gain personal, lasting relationships with friends. Our emotions and reactions are a bit off. There's just something a bit off. Something that shouldn't be off. And I resent her and my dad for it.

    If she loved us so much, why couldn't she just spare us and stop exposing us to it all the time? Are we that...unimportant compared to her marriage? She said she didn't want to leave dad because this was her second marriage and marriages are supposed to last. She promised God SHE wouldn't end the marriage. DAD had to end it. Even after she lost custody of her oldest son, she never left him. She just stayed. She could've gotten her son back if she left my father, but she didn't. He hurt her son, but she didn't leave him. And he never left her.

    They kept promising. They kept lying. We kept suffering. Now that the drama is gone for now, we suddenly matter the way we were supposed to matter before. They ask us what we think. Why did they not do that before? They want to make it all up now they said. That isn't how it works... They shouldn't have allowed it to keep going on. They should have stopped it, but they never did.

    And the anger of that plus their failure to understand that I need to vent out my frustrations and confusion about all this orientation stuff...I'm standing at the edge. And if I jump, I'll lose my control and snap at them. And I shouldn't do that. They are my parents; my elders. I need to respect them. But it's hard when the ground is slowly crumbling beneath you.
     
    #1 LdSlnce, Feb 13, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2012
  2. Toneth

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    I can really sympathize with your position, it can be really hard when you feel like the people who are supposed to be your role models don't act like them, my suggestion is to try and forgive then for their mistakes and move forward on your path to healing, they might not ever learn to make better decisions, and that's not something you can control, but you can certainly control the way it affects you, try and gain some understanding of their perspective so that it makes more sense and you won't end up in something similar. aside from that just try and move forward for yourself and stay as out of the situation between them as much as is possible. you're not alone
     
  3. Jim1454

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    We all resent our mothers for one reason or another. And it sounds like you have very good reason to resent yours. She has married someone who is abusive, and like many abused women she can't break away from the situation. It's sad and unfortunate.

    Where is your older brother? When she lost custody, where did he go? Is there any opportunity for you to go live with him?

    Worst case scenario is for you to contact the police or children's services if there is ever violence again in the home - and then let the chips fall where they may. Perhaps your mom needs to have her other children taken away for her to finally see the light.
     
  4. LdSlnce

    LdSlnce Guest

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    He isn't abusive anymore. What really makes me angry is how he was really only abusive to my older brother. My younger brother, oldEST brother, and I are his kids biologically. He was "good" to us. More so with the oldest... The situation is better, my older brother is grown and is ok with everything that happened and talks to my dad. Really, I just need to let it go
     
  5. Jim1454

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    Well to some extent that's what we all have to do. There isn't anything we can do about the past. All you have to work with is today. And if things are better today, then that's good.