Just to vent about my current situation a bit... I am deep inside the closet. The only people that know about my questioning sexuality are you folks here on EC and a few other individuals that only know about me through interned also. There is noone that knows me in person who would know about my situation. Now here is the deal... after a few emails, I have been invited over to the nearby LGBT center to have a chat with the councelor there if I wanted to. Part of me would want to go, just to be able to talk about all this with someone in person (which I would consider a beginning of coming out). But the problem I'm having with that is that right now I feel like I'm in a "safe spot". I don't have to worry about anyone that I know in person finding out about me/judging me/accepting me/outing me... Like there is a clear line between the people that "know about this part of me" but don't "know me" and people that "know me" and don't "know about this part of me" if you understand what im trying to say. Now if I went over to the LGBT center to meet that person, these 2 worlds would collide and to me it feels like I would be opening a Pandora's box, which wouldn't close until I came out to everyone and in between it would be hell having to worry about every single person around me who I could tell, who I couldn't tell, who might have alredy found out, who might tell someone I wouldn't want to... This seems such a stressfull situation that is holding me back from making that first step that I know I will eventually have to make. The worst part is that I haven't even fully accepted myself or at least I'm not yet comfortable about this part of myself and I don't know if I'll be able to unless I talk to someone in person about this which would force me to realize that this is it now, there is no turning back. So this is really tearing me apart. I just had to get this out of me, as just sharing it here feels a bit therapeutic. I'm also putting this out here in case there is anyone here, that has or had the same feelings about a situation like this and might wanna throw their two cents in on this matter.
Yes - it's a bit of a 'catch 22' situation. Can't do one without the other. One thing you can do is hang out here some more. Doing that might help you get more comfortable with yourself. It's true that before you go to see someone in person, you almost have to be at the point where you don't care if someone were to find out what you had gone to talk about. Otherwise, you'll be so stressed out that it won't likely do you any good. I use the Pandora's box analogy as well. But I use it with respect to coming out to yourself. Once you've made the realization that you are or might be gay, there's no going back. You can't block that any more from your conscience. It's now out and can never be put away. In terms of coming out to other people, you really can have some control over that. It took me over 3 years to come out to everyone. You can take as long as you want.
I can relate to your situation because this is how I'm feeling exactly right now. I've been considering the idea to come out only because I may get the opportunity to stay a couple of months far away from home. In my case, I don't know if I feel like that because I still haven't fully accepted the fact that I'm gay or if I'm feeling like that because I really don't have a true motivation to come out.
