Really confused...might be transgender...

Well DragonGrad09, I'm not really sure I can help, but I can let you know that you're not alone in your thoughts. I'm a pansexual male and like you I've had those thoughts of having different parts and had trouble fitting in with the male/female crowds for the same (or reversed) reasons as you.

When you say that you are not sure if you're willing to actually say that you're transgender, do you mean you do not want to say you are (to us or others) or that you feel more gender neutral, rather than female or male?

 

What way is it you're leaning though? Gender neutral? or male?

 

Well then at this point it just seems like you have to look at everything and ask yourself if you think you are a man. Whether or not you tell anyone doesn't matter, but if you think anything about you is, or should be, male than it seems that would make it a bit cleaer

 

Oh, it doesn't get any less confusing. I look to Samoan society, where gay men are sort of considered to be women, just with different bodies. As a result, it's not even considered to be "gay" for a supposedly heterosexual man to have sexual intercourse with a "fa'afafine." In fact, these "female-boys" are not even supposed to have sex with each other.

Well, if I think of myself in those terms, I can think, "well, in terms of how I relate to others, I'm female. In terms of how I evaluate myself, I'm female. In terms of what I do in bed, I'm female." After all of that, I can overlook having a male body. It's just a peculiarity of my existence. It's not a hideously ugly male body, so I count my blessings.

Then again, I understand that this kind of idea isn't going to work for everybody, so you really have to think about what YOU individually need.

 

Hi there!

First of all, get the "it'll be difficult" thing out of your mind. It'll be difficult no matter who or where you are; being trans isn't easy. If worrying about the ease of transition is part of the problem you're having, toss it out the window as if it doesn't even matter, because in the long run... nope, it doesn't matter. It's going to suck sometimes and nothing can change that.

That said, you need to sit down and seriously look at this issue. Yeah, you identify as being more masculine and sometimes picture yourself with other parts; a lot of people do that and aren't transsexual. Some, however, ARE transgender. The difference? Transsexual people tend to want to medically transition. Do you actually WANT to be male? Do you want to be seen by your partners as male? Could you handle being seen as a straight man, dating a straight woman? Does the idea of people thinking you have a penis appeal to you? Does the idea of having those body parts appeal to you?

If the answer is yes, you might be transsexual. If the answer is "maybe", "yes but", "I don't know" or "not exactly"... you could still be transgender, but I suggest looking into genderqueer, genderfluid, etc.

More details might be useful. Like, how you see yourself on a day to day basis, what you feel like in relation to the idea of being male, etc.

 

I often felt the same way about fitting in with any certain gender. Being girly just doesn't really work but I'm too scared to hang out with my friends as my male presentation because i'm... not a male. I understand completely. I know I cant really help all that much just thought you should know that other people feel that same disphoria.