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they tell me i shouldnt...but i still think its a step in the right direction

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by queenofhearts, Feb 13, 2012.

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  1. queenofhearts

    queenofhearts
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Chi-town
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    so heres the backstory

    i grew up about 10 hours (driving) away from where i live now. i moved here a little over a year ago. i will be making a trip back to my home town now that i have the time to do it next month.

    ive come out to 2 people. one family member (who is a lesbian herself) and my best friend from my hometown.

    now to the point of this post..there was another friend of mine from my home town that i am super close with..i consider her my other best friend..altho since i moved i dont stay in touch with her as much as the friend i came out to. also we have a lot of mutual friends unlike the friend i came out to.

    i asked both people i came out to if i should come out to her while im visiting..cuz i feel like its a step in the right direction..i mean why not...but both of them to my surprise told me i shouldnt...the family member said because we have friends in common i cant trust her..and the my friend said if im gonna come out to her i need to be ready to start coming out to family and such..which im not...but either way i dont see the harm in doing it..i dont live there anymore..and she doesnt talk to my parents (whom still live there)

    i guess im just really surprised they both told me no..but my friend made a very good point..im not in any way ready to come out full blast...so idk
     
    #1 queenofhearts, Feb 13, 2012
  2. Gravity

    Gravity
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Why do you have to come out to family if you come out to your friend, and why can't you trust her? If you think you can't trust her with the information, then I would agree, you probably shouldn't tell her.

    That said, sometimes people think that the reactions of others will be far worse than they turn out to be. Your friend and family member could just be nervous about the idea of something bad happening and letting their fear get the best of them.
     
    #2 Gravity, Feb 13, 2012
  3. Bosco

    Bosco
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    Location:
    eh?
    You're right; it's definitely a step in the right direction! :slight_smile:
    As gravity pointed out, this has more to do with how much you can trust this friend. Sounds like you are pretty close and you haven't really mentioned anything that would discredit your friend.

    I was actually very wary when coming out to my best friend cause he was known to not be able to keep secrets all that well. He has more than surprised me though with not only his bountiful support but also by keeping a tight lid on things. When I asked him about it, he said that he knew when things were important and that it meant a lot to me.

    I guess preparing for the worst (ie. It circulating and your parents finding out) isnt a BA thing (I tend to do this too) but you'll never really know with 100% how things will turn out and you can't let that stop ya! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Bosco, Feb 13, 2012
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