Hi everyone. Since i was 13 i have struggled with my sexuality. That was the time when i started to have sexual fantasies about guys. I have also had fantasies about girls but they have always been of a less sexual nature (more romantic). Likewise i haven't had romantic fantasies about guys. This hasn't changed much since. 3 months ago i made a profile on a social network site for gay/bi people. Finally starting the process of accepting my sexuality. I started talking to a guy there. For about a month and a half we were talking on skype daily. I enjoyed this very much. Then we decided to meet. We went to the cinema and after that he went to my place and we chilled for a bit. Nothing really happened it was just like two friends hanging out. After that we met multiple times and it got a little more serious. Then one day he asked me if i wanted to make it official. I sort of had my doubts, but i didn't want him to know, so i just said yes. So why do i have doubts? The feeling of being with a guy still doesn't feel right to me. I am constantly thinking if it would be better with a girl. Also i have a hard time getting really turned on. And believe me its not because of his looks, because he is really attractive. I just don't know what makes me attracted to guys. I think it have mainly been the fantasies that got me thinking i was really gay. Because in normal daily life i have never really been attracted to guys. Nor have i been to girls, i just like looking at them (without getting sexual thoughts). Why haven't i tried being with a girl? Sexuality has always been something i preferred not thinking about. I set it aside and lived my daily life without even thinking about getting a girlfriend/boyfriend. Also i was quite shy towards girls (weird hu , for a gay guy??). Other stuff that could play a role: Age difference (I am almost 21 he just turned 18) He is out and i am obviously not I just don't know how to continue from here on. What should i do? How can i figure out my sexuality? :help: Sorry if my English is poor. It is not my native language
Hey Welcome to EC! First of all, those thoughts are all completely normal. All of us here have struggled with our sexuality at one point or another so what you are feeling isn't really unique to you. That being said, I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with how you are feeling. I think the approach you have taken where you just live your life and not worry about a relationship is something most of us wish we could do! I think the more experience you have with guys and maybe even with girls might make things a little bit clearer as to what you are looking for. Because you haven't had much experience dating or physically or emotionally connecting, it may take a little bit of time to reach a certain comfort level or understand exactly what you are looking for. I know for me physical attraction starts right away, but I can't build a strong physical connection until I am emotionally there. Perhaps you may be similar? The important thing is to not rush anything and end up in a situation you do not want to be in. The last thing is that you need to keep it fair to this other guy as well. Even though it would be risky telling him exactly what you are feeling, keep in mind he is getting emotionally connected to you while you are working through this and there is a large chance of him getting hurt if you are being dishonest with him. I think the best approach with him is to be honest, and tell him you aren't ready to just jump into it. It is a risk that he won't want to hang around, but if he likes you, he should respect that and slow down and move at a pace that you are more comfortable with. Hope that helps!
I myself have only just really found that i am gay. About 2 years ago, before i fanticised about guys, i was very much so into girls. As time went on, i thought it would be interesting to take a quick peek at some gay porn. Slowly, i watched more and more of it and noticed how much i was attracted to my male friends. I thought nothing of it, just a phase i was going through. Today, women just doont seem to turn me on. I admit to myself i am gay and can admire how beautiful some women are, but get arosed wen i see a hot looking guy. Because im new myself to this, i dnt think i can offer any really helpfull advice. All i can say is that you dnt need a label at all. Just go with what feels natural. If being with a guy just dsnt feel right for you, then it probally isnt.
