i havnt told many friends im gay and the ones i have dont talk to me about it.i think my family know somethings up i didnt contact them for a few years and even now i dont talk to my parents much and im pretty sure my brother knows im gay he did bust me on the web on gay sites as a kid but he never brings it up either.i want someone to be there with me.i know my friends and bro still like me but i still feel pretty alone while trying to come out.when i hear my friends have little crys about breaking up with girl friends ect i think i get pretty dry on them.what im thinking is fuck you your problems are nothing try getting cancer at twelve years old and realizing your gay at the same time and then find your self alone with your thoughts of am i going to live and what do i have to live for.i want someone i know to know that im really hurting here.but i just dont know how to go about it ive come close but always pull out thinking how will they understand or help even if i tell them .
sounds pretty sad, i think this is something you need to talk to with a real person, a close friend, someone to help you out of the rough patches, i strongly suggest against finding a boyfriend, i think alot of people think finding someone to be intimate with will solve their problems which is wrong, it could actually make things worst. if you arent confident enough to talk to someone irl, then maybe you can chat with someone here
i dont look for boy friends to fix me i dont think it would be fair or work .ive got alot of friends but i feel real isolated aye .it feels like every one around me is acting in a play but i think im just reflecting what im actually doing in them.people seem to always do that.
I would strongly encourage you to see a counselor if you aren't already. It sounds like you have a lot of trauma in your past, and difficulties with your present, that a counselor could help you with. While counselors can be expensive, some universities open their counseling (which is typically reduced) to the public, and many counselors charge on a sliding scale based on their clients' income.
