Subtlety is the best policy

Maybe you can just get talking about books of Tv shows with gay characters in them and sort of .. say how you like their character. Or ask if he wants to grab a coffee or something sometime. I hope you do work it out the best way to approach this situation

 

Invite him to lunch, and represent yourself as a wholesome, well-trimmed kind of guy. Here is the code:

Talking about travel: "I want to take you away somewhere."

Talking about family: "I am interested in something long-term."

Talking about pets: "I want to take you home with me."

Talking about clothing: "You look fabulous."

Talking about science and technology: "I'm rich and affluent. Care for a ride in my Jag?"

Talking about psychology: "I want to get to know you REALLY REALLY well."

Aside from the humorous content, the point is that you want to approach things obliquely, and avoid putting him on the spot. Abstract, theoretical subject matter tends to draw people in. When it's like that, you aren't pursuing, but you're just laying out invitations. That's my experience, anyway.

 

i have been in this situation. what i have found is that if you want something 9.9 times out of 10 you have to be the one that puts yourself out there. they guy that is working there is not going to say 'oh by the way, here's my number". he may say that if he is aggressive but it sounds like he isn't. so if you want to get to know him outside of work, you have to do the following:

1. ask him out
2. give him your number


let's review how to do it:

ask hiim out: hey if you ever wanna grab a few drinks or lunch or something, here's my card and let me know. u seem cool. he will look at you weirdly or he will smile. either way, you put the ball in his court. if he calls u, then its a pretty good indication he's interested, if he doesn't think he is either too afraid or he is uninterested. either way you have your answer.

 

hello, i have done this before. i just wrote the number on a piece of paper and folded it up and gave it to the guy and he took it without letting anyone know he took it almost as though it never happened. he smiled and head nodded and then he never called though. i never saw him again. yes, you can do it. i wouldn't stick it on the $20 but its kinda passive to do this because you are basically putting him in the hotseat to call you and strike up conversation with a stranger who never talked to him.

its one thing to ask someone to hang out and ask them to let you know if they want to by giving you a call because its easier for the other person to have a reason to call you.

but when you just give someone a nubmer without saying anything, you are making them be the "aggressor" because now they have to do all the work and call you. the chances of them doing this is slim and if they do this, the likelihood that they are not going to want sex is also very slim because the whole set up seems very hidden and undercover and sexual to do that.

my best advice is just take a risk, say hi, have your number already ready on a card or piece of paper and have a reason to ask him out....

warning....lol it will be very awkward but there's no way around it. you can spend months trying to "warm up to him" and one day, he may not be workign there that day.

---------- Post added 15th Feb 2012 at 02:10 PM ----------

here are ways other people i just met tried to give me their number:

1. saw a guy in passing several times while joggin. last time i saw him we just stopped and chatted at the light. he asked me if i did cycling and told me about some class he was in. he told me to "take his number" and that i should join him in the class. i took the number but i did not call.

2. saw a guy at a groc store that i had seen before in passing at other parties but never talked too. we started up conversation about the last party he went to, and he told me "you shoudl take my number down"

3. random guy at gym asked me if i needed a spotter. i said no i did not. then he started up conversation with me and told me that "i should take his number" and let him know if i needed a work out buddy

my point is in all of these situations, the person didn't really know me but they took a risk and asked me to take their number down. I did not call any of them back because I was not interested in them and i had ntohing i wanted to talk to them about and i did not want to give these people my number either. so all you can do is give him yours or ask for his. or invite him to hang out and if he is interested he will contact you. if not, he will not.

 

lol @ rack city tagline.

anyway, yea, go into the store and chat him up a few times more so you can feel more comfy and feel him. start in with things like, "do anything fun this weekend?" "anything new." "sooo, ummm how bout those yankees? lol" anything corny will help ease the wheels too.

but sooner or later you are gonna have to gone in for da kill, like a lioness watching her prey, she analzying and then pounces on the baby wildlebeast.

but i digress, anywho, you are going to have to tell him and not ask him. for instant. "hey, here's my number if you ever wanna hang sometimes let me know" "hey, here's my number, my friends are having a party this weekend and we're trying to make sure only cool people are there so I wanted to invite u hahhaha. but if you wanna come through let me know."

whenever u dont knwo if someone is gay, then yes, u have a chance of insulting them or them opening up a can of whoopa$$ on u. but honestly people that are going to be a-holes aren't usually smiling at you and trying to carry on conversations with you. they will just politely decline your invitation. you do not have to ask....'hi woudl you like to hang out with me", just do it in a way like any other straight guy would make friends witha guy "hey dude if u wanna hang sometimes let me know. here's my contact info." my advice is to build up rapport which you will try to do but when you are doing this make sure to focus on interests and commonalities.... this way you can kinda find out more about him.

i had almost the same thing happen with me. i kept trying to strike up conversation with this guy that worked in a similar job and he would smile and also seemed to carry on conversation. but he was working so i did not want to put him on the spot. so one time i just finally said, "hey here's my contact info, if you ever want to hang out after work let me know." he took the information and smiled and said sure. he never called me. when i see him at the restaurant now where he works, he is still polite and still carries extended conversation with me. i never mention hanging out anymore because if he was interested he would have contacted me. so now i know my answer and i just play the friendly role and no longer think about him like that.

 

I think you're a bright fellow, Toremi. You will figure out all the right moves. More than anything else, nothing anyone can say here can teach you things that you have to learn by experience. Things like social timing and all that are really hard to put blow-by-blow into words. It's like playing poker: you can tell someone all the rules and instructions on the game, but that can't convey concepts like bluff and so on. That's stuff that you can only truly learn first-hand.

 

Sometimes it's easier to go virtual - LTR. Don't know if you're a gamer or not; but, I've found that I start talking games with folks at the coffee shop, bar, grocery store and next thing I know I've got their Steam ID, WoW name or whatever. My intent, in most of those cases, is always just for gaming (I'm not interested in the guy), but there have been a couple, after further in game conversations, that I've crushed on a bit.

Basically, it gives you a forum for further conversation when you catch eachother online and start shooting the shit outta eachother. Conversation easily goes from the game, to other games, to hobbies, to interests, to....you get it.

 

Im reading through this thread very carefully as, when it comes to this kind of stuff, I lack any and all subtlety.

Being subtle is against my nature. I have to fight every instinct in order to prevent myself from sounding like some sort of crazy desperate stalker.

 

He could be a member here and he could be reading along for all you know

 

Perhaps you could ask him what he does when he isnt making coffee, that way its not an out and out do you want to hang with me question but you might get some ideas of what he is into and then find some common ground on which to ask him to hang out, like if you have a joint cinema hobby or something.

 

I secound this idea! Definetly, the sticky note on a bill is too sort of.. undercoverish and he might be a little confused if he is straight in the end, so I think this is definetly the best way. This way, you'll be getting to know him more, than the hot guy working in the coffee shop, and hey, he might begin to like you the same you like him more you spend outside with him xD
Tell us how it all goes!!

 

Hey man, yea good luck to you with this guy. To be honest I've never actually done what you're contemplating, nevertheless I'll give my opinion. Sure, I've been in your situation and my theoretical approach would be as others have mentioned, find out what he's into, make eye contact and smile, be friendly, and I'll add check for wedding band. If all of that goes well, take a risk, give him your number and suggest getting a drink or a bite to eat sometime. Say that you enjoy talking with him, but you realize that he's busy at work so maybe you could talk sometime off the clock. I dunno, my theory goes something like that. Goodluck!

Off topic, but I had to laugh when you said, "I spun in circles firing but I did kill one person, by fluke." That's about the level of my gaming skills with these crazy multi-button controllers, haha.

 

this is good advice. i have done this before. honestly most guys are open to it if they are already friendly with you. even if they are not gay or not interested in your, they will take your number and toss it but there will not be any problems. you are building rapport and not stalking the guys so there's not really anythign wrong with just being cool and friendly. i have also noticed that when a guy thinks you're gay and he wants to let you know he is not gay, he will start talking about girls alot. "my girl friend this or that." just play it ez and only do what's in your comfort zone.