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Home Again? I think this is bottom.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by toremi, Feb 15, 2012.

  1. toremi

    toremi Guest

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    Okay so I think I have hit a wall.

    I completed a business diploma in '09. I struggled through school and worked hard achieved good grades all so that I would have a good diploma to back me up -- I took accounting and did well.

    After I finished I decided that I would move to a larger province *cough*shittyontario*cough to pursue a dream I had while gaining experience and working. So when I came here it was my intention to study acting... in which I enrolled in classes. I thought to myself, I've done the right thing, I have completed a useful diploma that I can use to work with while I feel out the acting bit and see if it is for me. I think I also had other reasons of coming here; ie possibily my sexuality bit. While I was home I was never going to come out. I come from a VERY small town with VERY small minded people for the most part. If you don't understand the meaning of small town, undestand 400 person population small. The only people we have from our community that are opening LGBT are lesbians -- they are accepted but I am going to tell you it is a WHOLE other story for gay/bi men.

    So anyways... Let's just say my diploma was useless. I haven't been able to obtain ONE good job in Toronto with it. I have been here nearly 2 years. I learned really quick this city is very cliquey and it's all about who you know (case in point I have a friend with absolutely NO business school experience or NO business experience I have and she got a job in a position that would be typical of someone with my diploma, all because her sister knew the guy... not fair, but whatevs). So since I know literally nearly no one here looks like I won't be getting a good job. I worked for a year and half for a company, busted my ass doing all the long hours and weekend and shit for a way lesser wage for them to up and dump me (to keep the same girl I spoke about above who made 5 dollars more than me, never put in the extra time, etc and who ended up quitting after I left anyway for her new job.... why did she get to keep this one over me... oh yeah cause she knew the CEO also and thats how she got THAT job) So now I have been doing temp work and getting paid shit and falling behind on every bill I have.

    Since I did school I have the expense of paying that back on my own, plus rent, plus all utilities and food and everything. So here I am. I am in this city almost 2 years later and have accomplished nothing. I had to quit acting classes to remain here... which was an understandable comprimise. A couple months ago I had to give up my rock climbing cause I couldnt afford it and going out and doing anything or buying anything extra. It's like I am not even living a life... I am working to barely pay the bills I have if that and I am always falling behind. Now my cell phone has been freezing and randomly shutting off this week (I bought it second hand) and my laptop is almost 3 years old and it starting to fail -- so where I atleast had communication there before I am now losing that.

    I know this has been a long rant but... my issue is I am seriously facing the issue of having to let go of everything and move back home with my father for the first time since I was 19. It's literally almost been 7 years. I feel lost. I have been in a bad state mentally because of everything that is going on but because the healthcare sucks in this province (in comparison to my province anyway) I can't even get an appointment to see a doctor to get help and see a psychologist or whatever. I am at the lowest point I think I have ever been at. I made progress in my personal life, accepting who I am that is.... and if I return home all the work will disappear over night.... it's just not worth it to be myself in that town and deal with the backlash consequences.

    As you can tell by the way this is not articulate at all, or even somewhat so compared to my other posts and all over the place I am honestly lost and broken down. I guess there is nothing anyone can really say it's just something I have to do.... it just sucks and I think I needed to write down that it sucks and post it for the world to see to kind of get it off my chest.

    Ugh... I know it could be worse, lots of ppl have it much worse but it is MY personal low so it still sucks. :frowning2:
     
  2. gleekfanatic

    gleekfanatic Guest

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    Just wondering out of curiosity. Why did you move to Toronto? Going from a small city to the big city is a HUGE change, especially if you don't know anyone there. One of the most common questions my friends were asking me wen I told them that I was going to San Francisco was "Do you know anyone there?", and the reason is because if you know some one there, that person could help you get started. However, I have heard stories of how some people moving to the big cities, not knowing anyone, and still making it...I don't know how they did, but they probably lied about not knowing someone, or the probably left out tht they met someone shortly after moving. The trick I think is to network...Put yourself out there. Search online for local events, especially ones like job fairs, and get to know someone. You never know who you could be saying to. You just might hello to the CEO of a local business, or a representative of a major business, and they just might recommend you for a job...It's all about the knowing who's who...NETWORKING works...
     
  3. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    Hey. I'm in the Toronto area, and I see how tough it is for some people to make it here. I've been fortunate, but not everyone is. I hear you.

    You don't speak french, do you? (Not sure if you've moved from Quebec or New Brunswick...) I'm actually looking to hire someone who is bilingual in our office.

    So yes - to some degree it's a function of who you know. But I don't think that's any different here than anywhere. You'd get a job at home because you knew all 400 people who lived there. Here it's tough to get to know people. Do you have a 'LinkedIn' profile?

    If you are working through a temp agency, make sure you're making the best impression that you can while you're at work. Quite often those jobs can turn into something permanent if you seem like a fit in their environment. That, or it's at least a way of meeting new people - who know other people - who might be looking to hire you. So again - make use of LinkedIn and add everyone you work with to your contact list - and stay in touch after you move on to your next temp position. 3 weeks later they might decide to hire permanently to fill the job you were doing on a temp basis - and you're already trained for the job!

    With respect to your comments around health care, I'm not sure I get it. I know that it's difficult to find a family doctor, but it isn't difficult to see a doctor through a walk in clinic. And if that's all you can do, then that's all you can do. If you're working through a temp agengy, and they're one of the bigger ones, they might have an 'employee assistance program' where you could access counselling (half a dozen sessions maybe) free of charge. Look into that.

    And finally - I know nothing about acting. But aren't there local community groups who put on productions? Could you dabble in that without continuing with your formal training?

    Send me a PM if you'd like to talk more. If I knew a little more about what experience you do have, I might be able to offer you some suggestions.