Just a warning, this is going to be extremely scatterbrained. I feel like whatever spouts out of me here may be helpful to some of you here..sharing this whirlwind of emotions with you. If you feel me, just add your jumble of thoughts to mine. Taking a shower tonight I started laughing, almost to the point of tears, and smiling. Because I feel so much closer to myself than I have ever been before. I am so close to loving myself again. I look in the mirror and see a beautiful man with his whole life ahead of him, instead of something more depressing.... Don't get me wrong, I love my life but I feel like it could be so much better. For the past 6 or so years it just hasn't felt right. I've had great times but the whole time just felt like something was off. I often think of just selling everything I own and going to europe, or Israel, or somewhere I'll be humbled and I'll be utterly alone so I can find myself and experience the world as me. It would be a beautiful journey, an experience I'd never forget. And I'd come back myself. The reality though is I'm very materialistic. I love my cars, my cameras, my computer, my guitars, my cell phone.... Loving yourself is by far the most important key to loving anyone else. How can you love anyone without having any love to give? Lately I feel good inside, I feel pure, sure, confident, inspired, overwhelmed, excited, scared....its like life has been black and white and slowly the muted colors that were always there are finally shining through. I want to take steps forward only. I only want to look back to smile and laugh. Just accepting my own sexuality and the fluidity of it has brought to light so many other issues I'd been harboring that I was previously unaware of. I worry too much about what people think. People that I shouldn't even care about anyways! I used to live life day by day, just taking what came at me. loving who I loved, leaving those behind who were poisonous to me. Lately I've been looking so far ahead I forget to see whats right in front of me. I think its time to stop trying to be someone and just let me be me. :lol:
Well I'm glad to see that you're night out at the club with G and your friend went well. And it looks like you also resolved your bi versus gay dilemna. I'm assuming those two things may have played into your sudden bright outlook on life and yourself :eusa_clap
yup I seriously feel so different...accepting yourself is probably the hardest thing to do...and I still think I've got a ways to go. but the first plunge feels soo good
Accepting yourself is really hard to do. It's good that you have taken the first step. I remember that feeling of freedom. It still feels odd to me every now and then. I think that is because I hid myself for so long.
I am 23, last year of college and am just now starting to accept myself. I have surrounded myself with a great group of friends, who I am sure know, and are just waiting for me to let it all out. Although I know that most of them will be supportive, there is still a part of me that wants to keep hiding it. Why? I don't know.
Accepting yourself is very hard, I'm so glad you're on the road to loving yourself wholly. :::: )) Hopefully I'll be right behind you someday, lol!
I internally acknowledged it long ago and was fine with it....then it grew inside and got ugly and I hated it and tried to hide it and then before I knew it it consumed me and all I could see was it and I hated myself for it. Every little step I take toward accepting it helps to make me feel a bit more like myself...the big steps have been coming out to friends and dating. But dating still makes me feel kind of guilty because I feel like its unfair to him when we're with my straight friends and have to hide our relationship from them....or how I can't tell my parents about him...once that next little big step is behind me I have a feeling it will be a whole new me. I bought pride stickers for my car about...2 years ago now...haha just got around to putting it on the sunroof of my jeep so I can see it when the sun shines through it
I'm really glad to see that you're coming to terms with all of this...I kinda took me awhile, but I know you'll come out of this stronger.
So true, so obvious, and yet, this is probably my biggest problem. Why is it that the simplest advice is the hardest to live by?
usually beause when you're looking for advice you are unable to comprehend that your problem could be something simple. But in reality, its always simple, the complicated part is you haha
