I am 34 years old, which I know is probably ancient, but I am still confused about my sexuality believe it or not. I have been with a few women and was turned on by them, but lately I started thinking about guys a lot and fantasizing about them. I am not physically attracted to guys the way I am with women, but I really want guys at the same time. I have only had 1 gay experience when I was about 10 years old. I get extremely nervous around women for some reason and stutter, even though when I see them around I think man I want her so bad and they are so beautiful, I get very imtimidated and scared (maybe of rejection) at the same time. I can't see myself ever kissing a guy, but I want to do everything else with them. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a guy, just sex. If I ever wanted a relationship, I guess it would be with a woman. I feel romantic feelings for women. I am also ashamed of my gay feelings. Many people thought I was gay growing up. I am very confused and not sure if I should come out to my parents as gay or bi or whatever... anyway very confused and would appreciate any advice, thanks! ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2012 at 10:32 AM ---------- Also I wanted to add that a few of my sexual experiences with women I could not perform. I was always excited the whole time until RIGHT BEFORE the act of sex and then it was a struggle. My heart also started racing a lot when I had to perform. One woman I was with about 50 times and could perform almost every time (every time eventually) Once or twice it took me a few minutes. Maybe it was something about her that made it so much easier than the other few women in which I had problems, which were basically disasters. I don't want to cut off the possibility of being with women in the future somehow.
Oh, you're bi. You might end up with a nice young catamite much MUCH later on in your life, but that's so far away that it's almost N/A. At this point in your life, you don't actually have a need for a guy to play with. A good wife is enough. Both of my lovers came from previous marriages, one by divorce and one by cancer. My s.o. tells me that, while he was with his wife, he never needed anything else. He even forgot that he was bi for a long while. She was always enough. And I hope it can go that way with you.
^ I'm not sure I agree with Christiaan. Because my experience was much like the OP and I consider myself to be gay. I was also in my mid 30s before I finally got to the point where I had to consider that I was gay. I never considered that I might be gay when I was growing up - at least not consciously. But I wasn't really all that attracted to women. I was nervous about approaching them or having any kind of relationship with them. But eventually, as I got older, I was introduced to a nice woman, who liked me, and we got married and had 2 children. But I had been using gay porn for a few years by the time I met her - and I kept that a secret. I would fantasize about men sometimes. And eventually, I cheated on her with men. I too only thought I'd want sex. I couldn't imagine having a relationship with a man. But that's because I didn't want to contemplate it. I thought it would be wrong. But once I came out to myself and could accept the fact that I was gay, I could see myself in a relationship with another man. And in fact, I had no interest in a relationship with a woman again. I soon met a great guy, and 4 years later we're now married. So the way you feel now could very much be a function of your conditioning. You've received the message that it's wrong to be gay, so that's what you've accepted. But if you were to break that way of thinking and really just went with what came naturally, you might find that a more complete relationship with a man (beyond just sex) is what would suit you.
Really, Jim? I'm glad things worked out for you in the end. Sorry you had to go through such a struggle, though.
