I've been wanting a boyfriend more than anything for a while now (as I'm sure a lot of the people my age on here have) and recently, i met my first other gay guy... So, we talked for a while, got friendly, then I learnt he was gay. I was shocked to finally meet someone else like me and was thinking about the possibility of a relationship almost immediately (how slutty of me... ). And recently, he told me that he likes me. He's a really great guy and I do really like him, but I just don't find him attractive. On an emotional level I'm really attracted to him but I can't get past the fact that I just don't find him physically attractive at all. That's the only thing holding me back from a relationship with him, and i feel really shallow because of it. I don't know what to do, should I be ignoring it and trying to start a relationship anyway?
Hey there! I'm gonna assume you're not just interested in this guy because he's the first gay guy that you met, but that you are actually genuinely emotionally attracted to him. And in that case: You sound a lot like one of my friends. Over a year ago she met a guy who fell in love with her right away. She wasn't physically attracted to him in any way (I doubt anyone would be, trust me, the dude is ugly). However, she liked him as a good friend and they spent a lot of time together. Whenever she'd hang out with him, she'd feel really comfortable and always had a lot of fun. She knew he was really into her, and so consequently the thought of engaging in a relationship with him crossed her mind the exact same way it does for you. And just like you, she asked her friends for advice. Most of her friends, including me, said if she didn't find him sexually appealing at all, she shouldn't go for it, because obviously there's a physical side to a relationship just as much as an emotional one (generally). However, she felt so good when she was with him and had such fun going out doing stuffwith him, she ignored our advice and took it to the next level. We called her crazy, but she didn't care and went for it. It's been about a year now and she's still with him and has never been more happy. She still doesn't find him attractive, but at least more so than when she started dating him. And even though that's the case, she loves him more than anything and I swear she'd be devastated if things would end. She has never regretted her decision and is just completely happy with him. We were all wrong, she was right. So to end this ridiculously long reply, I'm not gonna tell you physical attraction is too important to ignore, because she's proven that it's not just about that. And even though I know in your case it doesn't necessarily have to work out the way it did for her, I'm still gonna say to you: go for it! Of course it can happen that it won't work out, but seeing the happiness it has brought my friend, it would be too big a loss if you didn't try! Trust this from a person who's seen it happen in front of his eyes and still finds it hard to grasp: physical attraction isn't everything. I hope that helps you out a bit. And if you wanna talk more about your concerns or doubts, I'd be more than willing to help you out. Let us know when you've made a decision!
You assume correctly - He's lovely.. So sweet and romantic. Awh. Well i thought of the "just give it a go" approach, I mean I could go for it, take it slow, and just see how things went. But i'm scared of hurting him if it doesn't work out... Thanks for the advice though, you don't know how helpful it is.
Don't judge yourself and feel slutty. You are not~ Everyone feels that way when you connect with another single gay man. And like what Justin said before, you never know. Physical attraction is important, but when you get older (not that I am THAT much older than you), you hardly have time to see each other (due to work) so emotion wins over physical. Emotion takes about 65%-75% in my opinion and physical is around 35%-25%. Let us know what happens!
Talk about "physical attraction" is kind of selfish to me, but it depends on each person's opinion so I'm just saying. And since you said that you have some feelings for him, I suggest you both to plan for a date, go out for one day and see if you're into each other, if everything will turn out good... well then tell us the story and keep us posted okay ?
Well yeah that's how i feel.. But then again, to be blunt, sex is a big part of (most) relationships. So if I don't find myself sexually attracted to him can I really go out with him? That's not fair on him OR me :icon_sad:
ummm there is something called friendship, i am emotionally attached to my best friend but we aren't going to get anywhere because she is a she, besides i put boundaries also on my own friends as off limits, cause it kinda grosses me out.
Sanguine beat me to it, but what about the possibility of just being friends with this guy? I agree that you shouldn't judge yourself or feel slutty for thinking about whether or not you wanted to date this guy as soon as you found out he was gay, that seems pretty natural, at least to me. Since you haven't started seeing him, and since you're a bit iffy on whether you really want to, see how it feels - or think about how it might feel - to have a friend who understands your situation 100% (or at least as close as other people can get). Might be cool to have an "insider" that you can talk with about gay things. And being friends now doesn't mean you can't date later - on the contrary, if you become good friends, it might make dating easier. I also don't think that sexual attraction is necessarily the biggest factor. I agree with you that it's important, I feel the same way about the role of sex in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that everyone you date has to be a total hottie. My first boyfriend wasn't really 100% my type when we started dating, but pretty soon after we got together, not only was I "used" to him, but my "type" had actually shifted to be more like him. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are a lot of things you could do here, all of which seem like healthy ideas. It comes down to your personal preference, so choose what you really want, and don't judge yourself for it. Different things are important to different people, so let yourself figure out what's important to you.
I say you should go ahead and have a relationship with him. I wasn't attracted to my ex (I didn't tell him, though), but I ended up dating him for 2.5 years before he tried to kill me... :dry: But his unattractiveness didn't cause him to try to kill me, so it was no barrier to our relationship!
well, i see what you're saying but here's the thing. it would be better to build a relationship with someone you're compatible with emotionally than physically. to me, i think you're just using somebody if you just want to be with them for how they look and not who they are as a person. you might as well just have sex with them or just have a sexual relationship with them because you're not really into that person. you really don't care about the person behind the face or the body. if that person looks ugly tomorrow, you're not going to want them anymore. at least you know that if you're emotionally attracted to somebody, you have something that will last and won't fall because your love is geniune and not superficial.
