This take a lot of courage to write and im not sure if its the right thing to do. but i hope that maybe someone has some words of support to give to me. I am biologically 24 year old Female but I feel very masculine much of the time. I was into sports and rough play as a child and was late to be sexually active. I feel boyish in my demeanor, the way I walk and interact with people. I have been told that I have masculine facial features as well. although i have quite a feminine curvy althetic body I dress masculine/ boyish most of the time. The problem is- I would like to feel feminine-but i dont. As for my sexuality. I experimented with homosexuality when i was 17-19. in fact my first relationship was with a girl. I enjoyed it very much, but I enjoyed my second relationship more (which was with a man). When I dated this man I felt very feminine- I stopped wearing boyish clothes and dressed ultra feminine. And i loved it-I never felt more attractive before. I havnt had sex with another girl since. but still feel attracted to them and to men. Now im single for 3 years. I started dressing boyish again. When i put on a dress, I look at myself in the mirror and i dont feel comfortable in it anymore. It doesnt feel like me. I feel like myself in a baggy tshirt and jeans. which i have very conflicting feelings about this. Generally women admire me for being boyish but men dont look twice at me. Its difficult to feel this way because many of my girlfriends are hyper feminine. I envy them. I would like to go back to the days were i felt like a sexy girl in a dress. I feel very lost in my body. and i have no one to talk to about it. where can i go?
Well I think EC is a good place to start, im sure lots of people will give you advice and support. Do you think it is a confidence related thing? Like when you had a boyfriend you felt more attractive and wanted and so able to wear those things?
Welcome to EC, first of all. I'm interested in the feeling you have of being "lost" in your body. It sounds to me like you generally like the idea of being feminine, but that having someone specific to see you that way is a big part of that (your ex-bf, for example). Why don't you feel comfortable dressing that way now? What about it puts you on edge? I realize you might not know for certain, just fishing for ideas. As for whom to talk to about it, what are your circumstances right now? Living on your own, with family? School or work? Could you afford to go to a counselor, even just for a few visits? Are you comfortable going to an lgbt community center or other group?
