Friends, bromance or something beyond

Suggesting to him that he might be gay would piss him off, ESPECIALLY if he actually is gay. A truly HETerosexual individual would laugh at you and forget it, but someone who is not sure would get scared...would start hanging up on you and all that. You don't want that.

You want to bring it up in the abstract: "Hey, I was looking at this website for helping young gay people. I really think these are some good, Christian people. They really put themselves out there to help others." That way, he doesn't feel threatened, but you are giving him resources that he could use to help himself...assuming he had any need for it, which you have NO RIGHT to expect him to talk about until he's ready even if there is anything to talk about.

Hope this helps.

 

D you want him to like you, in that way?

 

In my opinion, it does sound kind of strange. ... Straight guys wouldn't tell someone they just met that unless they REALLY trust you in my opinion. It sounds like he's dropping hints. Does he know you're engaged? Also, if you are bi, you could be reading something into it. Since you didnt specify YOUR orientation, it's a bit harder to tell. But since you are engaged, maybe you shouldn't worry too much? Curiosity kills the cat trust me I know it's tempting. If you're bi, I would maybe come out to him after finding out his opinions on gays, but make sure he knows you're engaged first.

 

in my experience, straight guys do not complement another straight guy's clothes more than once. twice, maybe something's going on, but this dazzling eye gaze is a sure purple flag (yeah, i just coined that)

again, im my experience, straight guys usually do not give each other should massages.

that would be my guess

its perfectly normal...for two boyfriends

As some one whose been there (subconsciously tried to take a straight platonic friendship into a romantic one), I think all the warning signs are there. I feel in love with my friend before I even realized I was gay and looking back, I probably did the same things this guy is doing.

If you want to gauge where he's at (not that its necessary at this point IMHO), tell him your cousin or someone just came out and see how he reacts. Or, bring up same-sex marriage (its been in the news lately) and see his reaction.

Also, ask him about his upbringing. If he came from a conservative religious community, he could be in deep denial, I was at 22. Or, if he comes from a dysfunctional family, that too could keep him from coming out. Is he from a small town or large city? Oftentimes, that can influence some in coming out.

---------- Post added 18th Feb 2012 at 12:14 PM ----------

I do think us "not straight" people pick up on these things before straights do, but Helen Keller could tell this friend of his is "that way."

 

Yeah. I see your points. I just didn't want to point him in the wrong direction... I was pretty sure he was

 

I would then convey to him in the most indirect but not so subtle way that you are completely and unequivocally cool with gay people but that you yourself are 100% dyed-in-the-wool straight.

just remember there's absolutely no reason that a gay guy and a straight guy can't be best friends without things getting confused, as long as everyone is one the same page.

 

You are an honorable and respectful friend, Yeayea. If I were in his position, I couldn't be in better hands than yours. I know everything will be awesome for you and him in the end.

Peace!

 

Chip, that's where I think you and I differ. I mean, in my opinion--just my view here--once you have crossed the fine line into actively trying to find stuff out, I get a sense...just a sense...that it's best to be candid. I mean, if you are going to respect a guy's privacy, respect his privacy. If there's something you really have to know, ask outright.

I really think that, if our friend here were to say outright, "Hey, I'm concerned about your problems making it work with girls, and I'm wondering if girls in general really have what you need deep down," his friend would probably react a lot better than if there were all kinds of evasive head-games.

I'm still really on the side of "respecting his privacy," though.

 

I would say that if he is gay, he is not going to tell you until he feel ready no matter what you say to him. So I wouldn't force the issue. Just make sure you are always supportive of homosexuality whenever the topic comes up, and he will feel more comfortable telling you when and if the time comes. It sounds like you two have a great friendship going, and it could very well just be a bromance you have going.

I am attracted to guys, and all of my best friends are straight guys. We get along great even though I have not told any of them about me. I just value their friendship and would never do anything to hurt it, even if I were to develop feelings for one of them.

Also, chip's idea is not bad if you are really dying to find out if he is into guys or not. Just know that he may still hide his true feelings from you no matter what you do. But in the end, it really shouldn't matter who he is attracted to. There is no reason you guys can't remain great friends regardless of sexual orientation.

Also, one last thing. If you give it some more time I think you will get a better indication about him. Especially if he is trying to give you hints to see where you stand.

_________________________________________________________________________

Not sure if I could confidently say he is gay/bi. A normal gay/bi person would probably no tell someone about how they had trouble getting it up with a woman, unless they are actively trying to give a hint of their sexuality for some reason. Possibly trying to gauge your reaction.

 

This is what you say: "You know I'm straight, right?"

 

Yeah, I wouldn't say that if I were you. He might take it the wrong way. Like he might think you mean, "stop trying to be friends with me because I am not gay and I think you are, so we should never have become friends in the first place"

 

i would not say "you know im straight right". because someone will be offended by that. if he is actually gay and has feelings for you, he will be heartbroken and it comes off like "hey dude, i think u r gay and trying to put the moves on me and im not like that.".

i guess my question is, why does it matter. if you are not interested in him and you are straight and if he has not come out and said, "hey i like you" why does it matter. Also, from reading your post, it sounds like you actually really like the freindship but i have to ask the question, could you be possibly having an attraction to him? i mean, it takes two to tango so to speak. you are IMing him as much as he is you, you are texting him at night as much as he is you, you are going out with him to lunch everyday as much as he is, and you are not necessarily saying you have stopped sitting by him at bars to avoid the touches. you have also seen his smiles and glances and i doubt that you stand there with a blank look on your face, im sure you smile back. so if you think there's anything "non straight" about his interactions, he may also think the same thing about you. if he is gay and if he likes you, he is probably thinking you are gay possibly as well because he may be asking himself the same questions you're asking yourself...."would a straight guy have this much interaction with me....?".

if you are completely straight and if it doesn't matter if he is gay then why does it matter to you if he likes you or not. i do not see anything from your posts that suggests..."ok, i was starting to feel umcomfrotable so i want to back away from him..." sounds like you enjoy his company/friendship. and there's a slight chance that in some dark corner of yourself, there's a slight rush that this super attractive guy that could have any girl he wants spends so much time with you and gives you all this attention. im sure that is flattering for anyone.

my advice is to tread carefully. if you poke and prod around about gay issues and conversation to "see if he is gay", he could take this as a sign if he is gay that you like him and you're feeling him out. also, he could be straight and he may think you are a closeted gay.

in my experience, when i haven't liked someone, i could care less if they are gay or not because i honestly didn't want to open that can of worms. the only time i honestly wondered if a guy was gay or not and if he liked me, was when i really liked him.