Am I Holding On To Bisexuality As a Crutch?

Sounds like your this: Bisexual-Leaning a little more towards guys

 

yep, like me i think, Im mostly i love with guys but still notice girls, sometiems friends say ithey notice me looking at girls without a blink

You are gay, you do like guys, but somehow you have some genuine feelings for girls too, the things is, who you wanna be with, if you wanna fal in love with both, ur bi, but if you can only fall in love with guys and have some feelinsg for girls, your bi leaning towrd guys

 

I am trying to figure that out about myself too. I am attracted to both men and women, but in different ways. With guys, I am attracted to them more based on looks, in more of a sexual way. With girls, looks still matter, but personality is more important. Unlike you, I don't see myself ending up with a guy. I guess I just prefer relationships with girls more than I do with guys...I suppose if I found the 'right' guy, things would work out....Maybe its because I have more/better experiences in a relationship with girls than I do with guys...

To use CrimsonThunder's example, I would say that right now I'm bi leaning equally towards both. In the past, I was more leaning towards guys....oh, who am I kidding?!? I have no idea....I hate being confused:bang:

Sometimes I think I'm gay, but then I think back to how I felt when I thought(but I was only 14 at the time....so.....)I was in love with a girl(but she moved away:icon_sad: )...and then I come to the conclusion that I'm bi...but then I tell myself I'm only saying that so I don't consider myself gay, and the cycle continues from there.

But I've finally decided that I am bi, and I'm not going to argue with myself anymore....so far its worked, but I doubt the peace inside my head will last much longer:icon_wink

Congrats to you if you could follow that random jumble of thoughts!:eusa_clap

 

I mean, if you're curious, one thing I've told people is to think about the porn they look at. Do you get off looking at guys, girls, or both?

In the end, though, it's really your decision. I'll support you (both of you), whatever decision you make.

 

Hmmm....that is definately something to ponder. Now you've got me all confused again:dry: :icon_wink

 

Oh, no problem. Anything I can do to add to your (and anyone else's confusion). lol

Some day, I'll have to try to find out how accurate that actually is...

 

That's a good idea. I think I've said this before, but we are always too focused on labelling each other and putting ourselves into nice pigeon holes according to our sexualities. But sexuality isn't black and white. There are so many in betweens and grey areas that not many people are aware of. It sounds as though you're in between gay and bi, at the moment, and that does not mean you have to be either.

 

^ great post!

Some people identify as bisexual because they're physically attracted to male and female. Others because they are physically attracted to males, but also need a strong emotional relationship to females. For some it's the other way round, and for others it's varying degrees of all of the above!

I could label myself as bisexual I suppose in that whilst I only sleep with men, I've always had to have an extremely strong emotional 'relationship' with a woman. One of my friends refers to me as his 'soulmate' and labels himself as bisexual because he loves me - on an emotional level - as much as his wife. Even his wife acknowledges this.

However, many of our views on different races, cultures, religions, sexuality, countries are 'fed' to us. We think of India and the Taj Mahal appears. Ethiopia, we think of famine. Paris we think of the Eiffel Tower - that is, until we go there ourselves and suddenly we have firsthand experience and a new image is attached when those places are discussed.

I can tell you what it means to be gay or bisexual, but as was mentioned above, there is so much variation. Too many people rush into giving themselves a label, when really what they should be doing is discovering themselves - without the restrictions that a label can sometimes apply.

 

I had alot of trouble with this, because I hate not knowing what i am.
So, I just basically decided "i likes what i likes" and thats that. I know im not sexually attracted to women, im curious about it i admit, but im really not highly interested in the female side. However I get attracted to girls personalities which sucks cause it makes things a hell of a lot more confusing.
I also get jealous when other guys talk about girls or Bi guys talk about girls... or even a few gay guys talking about girls (in a sexual way...) urgh
Im such a random person.
Sorry if the above doesn't make sense to you. It all sounded good in my head while i was typing it soo...

 

That sounds really hard TCT, but as I am sort of trying to figure out the same questions as a lot of you, labels have een one of my greatest difficulties. I have a friend who is pansexual, and the way she discovered this was she had not really been calling herself anything, but had been using the analogy "If bisexual is I swing both ways, then I am on a tire swing!", and then she discovered an actual word for that and began using it. But labels have been causing me a lot of problems because of how people react, and I don't even know anymore. I wish this was just easier. Maybe we could be born with stickers on our foreheads and nobody could be homophobic and everything could just be less confusing. Even though nothing like that will ever happen.

 

My experience has been that a lot of people who come out as bi (not all, but a lot) are actually pretty much gay. Saying that, I am not one of those really annoying gay people who doesn't think actual bisexual people exist; I just know that for whatever reason a lot of people find it less daunting to say they're bi than they're gay.

As a somewhat side note, I totally believe in labels. I also believe in their limitations. Take that for what you will.

So yes, anyway... obviously one of the most freaky things for people, especially younger people it seems, when they realise they're attracted to people of the same gender is that it pretty much obliterates the heterosexual roadmap to life they were given. That is, still to this day children are raised as heterosexual (that's heterosexism at work) with all the images of the future being fed to them being images of a heterosexual future where you get married and have kids, which is not usually presented as an option (even though it is in some places) for you except if you're heterosexual.

Anyway, so my take on this is that it's so overwhelming for a lot of people to find themselves excluded from that rosy heterosexual future that they just by default say, "I'm bi" because that acknowledges their feelings for people of the same gender without causing them to have a breakdown from feeling excluded from all of society. (In reality, there are a lot of gay people out there and a lot of very different ways of living your life whether you're gay or straight or inbetween, but generally we don't realise that as young people because various institutional forces work to limit our understanding of the future.)

So... total honesty here... when I see many people here identify as "bi," I say to myself, "Yeah that one will be gay in 5 years, and that one, and that one," and so on, because eventually people come to realise that they can be a full member of society without needing to hold on to their heterosexual fairy tales... and in fact (somewhat disappointingly) many of those heterosexual fairy tales can be relatively easily converted into gay ones with just a little gender substitution. (I say "somewhat disappointingly" because I'd rather more people, whatever their sexual orientation, did a lot more critical thinking about what they want out of life and what a "good" future really entails but really, I digress.)

As for strong emotional connections to women or men qualifying someone as "bi," that's not what "bi" means to me. When I use sexuality labels, I'm basically talking about people's potential for full-blown romantic relationships (which to me includes a sexual component) with people based on their gender, so while I'm (pretty) sure I could physically have sex with a woman, I don't think that makes me bi because I don't want to and I have no interest in pairing up with a woman, even though I have some very close female friends. I want my primary, multi-faceted relationship to be a with a guy, hence "I'm gay."

The other factor that I think is particularly at play when talking about bisexuality and guys specifically is that we're all brainwashed into thinking that women are emotional and warm and men are cold and distant, so I cannot tell you the number of times I have run into young "bi" guys who say, and I pretty much am quoting, "Oh, I totally get hard for guys but I could never see myself in a relationship with one." That is, they are massively sexually attracted to other guys but they can't figure out how to reconcile that with the notion that you cannot have a relationship with a guy because, essentially, a guy cannot provide emotional nurturing and comfort (which kinda begs the question of why they think women would want to be in straight relationships, doesn't it?). So then they develop this really common notion that guys are for fucking and women are for relationships, which I think is completely sexist and totally unfortunate but also, sadly, really predictable. Happily I think a lot of them grow out of it but you know for sure that some of them get married to women and either openly or furtively fuck guys the rest of their life, which I think is just reprehensible.

But yeah, these are the guys who sometimes are fine with having sex with a guy but they don't want to or don't like kissing them, because kissing is warm and emotional and (purportedly) non-animalistic and for them fucking guys is all about sex and nothing about love, mainly because guys are about sex and women are about love, a notion which I think is highly problematic on many levels.

And so... do I think you specifically are holding onto bisexuality as a crutch? No real clue. But am I certain that some people in general hold on to bisexuality as a crutch when they're really not about having meaningful romantic relationships with people of either gender? Definitely. Bisexuality as a safety blanket is a super-common phenomenon, much to the dismay of a lot of actual bisexuals, I think.

 

I was going to say something about labels...but you pretty much nailed it yourself with that comment.

Don't worry about it - just enjoy life - what happens...happens...

 

i'm thankful my parents challenged this a little by having kids but remaining evil unmarried sinners

people like that kind of make me not want to come out as anything

 

I believe it is a spectrum and everyone falls on the spectrum. Im very close to the extreme end of only guys.

 

You bastard!

You just have to kinda ignore them. There are always going to be people of whatever sexual orientation who are stupid... sadly being gay doesn't protect people from that particular affliction.

Or you can be witty and tell the cute ones, "Oh well, maybe you're right... maybe YOU can cure me of my delusional bisexuality!"

 

In my experience, it's quite accurate. It helped me figure out what I am, and maybe it can do the same for you.