I've been neglecting EC for the past weeks... But a problem in my life has risen, and I have no idea who else to come to. I've recently starting doubting everything in my life, my best friend's loyalty, my philosophies, etc... And recently I've been feeling slightly embarrassed for every seeing a therapist for my 'gender identity' problems. I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling like this, I kinda just want my answer. :/
I remember when I used to live in Hell. Sometimes I get nostalgic for the place. You have a sense that your mind is a ruin, presumably. I always had this sense that everything was in pieces, and somehow I had to put everything back together. There was also this disheartening sense that I could never make it look like there was never anything wrong. I knew deep down that the signs and memory of the damage would always be there, no matter how much loving care went into making it better. When you look back, you will feel proud of your scars. The scars mean you have been somewhere. I think that you are already on the right track. For example, you realize that you deserve to have a better life. Please try to appreciate what a huge accomplishment that is. That's really a big thing. So many people are so dispirited, they can't even imagine a better existence. Wouldn't it be awful to be so internally helpless? You have the strength to believe there is a better way. That's special. On the therapist: going to a therapist when you are not sure about your mental health is like going to any other doctor when you think you might have something. It's not just smart, but it's also the right thing to do. Do you realize how many people just take street drugs when they have mental problems? That's the kind of stuff people ought to be embarrassed about. Some people try to do the same thing with trying to change their gender: they take hormone drugs, and they do other dumb things that are bad for them. Going to see a therapist was the right thing to do. I'm sorry you are having doubts about your best friend. Holding friendships together is hard, and it's even harder when you have enough problems of your own. I hope it works out.
Unfortunately he's given me plenty. At times I feel like my therapist isn't actually helping me...everything's just completely hard to explain :X
If not, that's your therapist's fault, not yours. You took the step to see the therapist. You did everything right, on that score. If you really think your therapist is not doing right by you, perhaps you ought to talk about it with the people who run his or her practice. Your people are probably paying good money for those appointments, and I am assuming you show up to those appointments in a timely manner (Every therapist I have ever KNOWN considers this automatically a reason to LIKE a patient). If you are being cheated, you have a right to be angry, and it's not the place to be down on yourself, okay? Dang. It sounds like you're having some hard luck with that friend. I wish I could say more to help on that score, but I'm not all that good at handling people situations.
Hi there! I am wondering if you are trying to tackle too many things at the same time. There is nothing to feel embarrassed about seeing a therapist about questioning your gender identity. Are you open about everything that is going on in your life with your therapist? Usually, a therapist's help, support and advice works best if you are open about things and talk about your feelings and the things that are going through you mind. Sometimes, it takes a while to find an answer, in particular if you are dealing with complex issues, feelings and thoughts. It is possible that your questioning of your own philosophies, things in your life, are tied to (to some extent) to you questioning your gender identity. You base, i.e. being secure about yourself, doesn't seem to be as strong as it perhaps used to be, thus everything that is build on it, no longer seems secure either. Keep talking to your therapists, and try to open up, or be more open about your feelings and thoughts about yourself. (*hug*)
I've never really been open about anything in my life to my therapist besides certain moments that involve a gender identity crisis. I've been working on being more open with my therapist, it's one of those things where you think you're going to be more open, but then your'e terrified of being open. I've always had problems when it comes to relationships since I have insanely terrible trust issues. I'm actually quite shocked that I even have a few friends. I have thought about my therapist, and I know I'm probably just the reason behind non of my therapy to be working. I want to be able to get the help I need, I'm just afraid to trust.
Going to a therapist and not being open with him/her about your life (in general, not little specifics) would be sort of like going to a doctor but refusing to be examined and refusing to talk about any of your symptoms except inconsequential ones. I will also disagree completely with Christiaan; therapy is not something practiced "by the numbers" and speaking to a supervisor the way you would when complaining about your car not getting fixed won't be helpful in any way, nor is it helpful to be angry that therapy isn't working. Furthermore, therapists should not "like" or "dislike" their clients at all; if they do, *that* is a sign of an incompetent therapist because the nature of their work requires that they be nonjudgmental, and "liking" a client interferes with therapy. So... there are a couple of issues here: -- First, it does make sense that you won't necessarily feel like dumping everything that's going on for you in your first session with your therapist. But if you've been seeing him 3 or 4 or more times, and you still aren't starting to feel comfortable opening up, you probably don't have the right therapist. A good therapist understands these issues and knows how to work with a client to help him or her feel comfortable. But each therapist has a different style and personality, and you may simply feel more comfortable with another therapist. There's absolutely nothing wrong with trying a different one (or two, or three) until you find one you feel comfortable with. -- Second, therapy is work. It can be a real effort to stretch yourself to open up about the things that are bothering you. Good therapy delves into uncomfortable territory. Things that are shameful, embarrassing, things that you've never told anyone else. And a good therapist is one you can tell absolutely anything to and not worry about being judged for it. But therapy is a two-way street. You have to be engaged, and willing to stretch yourself, and willing to push your own boundaries of comfort. And sometimes you'll feel shitty when you come out of the therapy room. That goes with the territory of doing this sort of healing. But in the long term, it's worth it. -- One thing you can do right away is directly address everything you've said here with your therapist. Tell him/her that you don't feel comfortable dlsclosing much, and that you've avoided talking about the issues that are most challenging for you. Tell him that it's difficult to trust and you need help with that. Tell him that you want and need help, but you need help getting help. A good therapist will grab that opening and work with it... and if you can agree to stretch your own boundaries of comfort a bit more, I think you'll find that you can make some significant progress in a short time. And if for any reason, after disclosing the above, you don't feel any more comfortable... try a different therapist. Your therapist won't be offended or hurt, so don't worry about that. Just say you'd like to try someone different, and s/he should understand.
Hi there! Chip already mentioned everything (and some more) what I was going to write in my reply. As Chip mentioned, therapy is work. A good therapist will be able to walk you through the sessions and give you opportunities to build trust, build a rapport, and open up to him/her. Take it one session at a time, and try to let him/her know what's going on. You know that sitting within the four walls of his/her practice means confidentiality and your chance to be heard. Try to take that as a starting point, to start building trust. It will take a while, but after a couple or few sessions you should feel comfortable enough to begin talking about the larger, deeper issues. As Chip indicated, start talking to him/her about having difficulties in building trust, which has prevented you from opening up.
Well, good news is I get to talk my my therapist a bit longer on it tomorrow (I was able to get an extended session.) So I'll try to talk to him about my trust issues then. As for my best friend, I think we're starting to slowly get everything back in line, which should be good. Thanks for all your help.
