She's my best friend and I'm half in-love with her. She touches me, talks to me, and talks about me like we're together, but she's completely straight. It drives me crazy.. it breaks my heart. But she doesn't stop leading me on, even though she knows i'm attracted to women - and, i'm pretty sure, her. What now? I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop imagining us together... its torture. What can I do?
Everything will be alright. I had a massive crush on my best friend once. (funny thing is, everyone thought he was the gay one...) But he turned out to be quite straight, unfortunately. But we're still friends. You need to talk to her about it. Explain to her your feelings. Your only other option is to hold it in until you pop, and end up scaring her off and probably losing your best friend. So just talk to her - calmly, and rationally.
There are two things going on. Her leading you on, and the other is your crushing on her, and each has its own solution. To address the first issue you could/should talk to her. Tell her how she makes you feel, and how you don't like the fact that you are in love with her that it is hurting your ability to be friends with her. I think it is important to relate it to how it would seem if she were constantly flirting (or acting this way) with a guy that she had no interest in. I think it might be easy for her to forget that this is the dynamic given that you are a girl even if she knows you like women because it is more socially acceptable for girls to be close to another. Secondly, be aware of your own fantasy. I am in love with my super straight best friend and I constantly have to be aware of the fact that I don't want to become more entangled with him, even though my craziness urges me to. Even though I like when he puts his arm around me once in a while, I don't want to live out this fantasy and so I try not to take advantage of what he is comfortable with. Finally, my time on this site has taught me that often time and finding another relationship is what you need to get over this one. I think as gay people, we often fall for our best friends because they can be like BF/GF light, which is wonderful if we are not fully out for a number of reasons, and it is often the first person of the same gender that we get to know on a very personal level. I hope everything goes well and that you find the strength to deal with this. It has been nearly a year for me, and it is slowly getting better a little, but every time I see my friend, I am both ecstatic and melancholy. Its a tough road, but you will find your way one way or another. Shoot me a message if you you are wondering anything else.
