I've always wanted a relationship with someone. Something close, whether it's as friends or lovers or as family. But I always mess it up. It's so unlikely everyone I meet and love just leave me for no reason other than to hurt me, so obviously I'm doing something awfully wrong. Take my current relationship with my beautiful girlfriend. She's what gets me through the day when I feel I can no longer bear it. Even before I knew I was in love with her, I loved her so much as a friend there was hardly another person I would rather be with. That's still true. She's also the first person I've kept in contact with after they moved away. I love her too much to let her go, which causes a great amount of emotional pain at times. But hey, she's gotta go to college, so I suck it up and deal with it. And she loves me back, openly expressing said feelings and not afraid to be affectionate to me. She fusses over me a lot, which I both enjoy and get frustrated over at times. When we argue, we could easily switch to something more lighthearted and forget our issues. I doubt we'd argue at all if it wasn't for A. My mother. B. My lack of caring about my own well being C. Her tendency to fuss about the above D. My tendency to fret over her and her getting upset about it. Obviously we both worry a lot, but considering my mother is the subject of most of our arguments, I'm sure it will go away once I move out since she'll only fuss about me not taking care of myself and hopefully my depression will lift away a bit by then. But again, I've failed ALL relationships. My mother, my father, all of my old friends, we no longer connect or have opportunity to. The only people I feel close to is my grandmother and girlfriend. Is this going to work? I want it to so badly, and I trust she does to, but I don't know HOW to make this not crash and burn. Because if I lose her and break her heart, I just may lose what little trust I've got left and hate myself more. This sounds silly and petty, but this means all the wold to me. Will someone please tell me how I can make sure I don't mess this up for us both? I can't hurt her more than I already have for being scared of my mom. She's all I got left.
I suppose that some relationships are "doomed to fail", but those would be those heavily dysfunctional ones of two very different, argumentative people. Other than those, I'd say all other relationships CAN work. How can you be sure you don't mess this one up? 1. Don't act impulsively. Think before you make a move. 2. Keep the lines of communication open. Talk about your differences, and agree to disagree. 3. If an argument flares up, step away. Don't say things you'll regret. Take time to cool down and rethink your position. Lex
