No....no....no....no....yes....maybe?

I can sympathize with how you feel. Ive always looked at my body & hated it, & Ive always looked at women & wished I had their body myself as well. And Ive always wondered how well HRT would work for me. I finally came out as trans at the end of June, & at the end of January, I saw my endocrinologist & was put on HRT. I have the same worries about how effective HRT would be for me, but then I saw this video. Jesslyn is 23 & transitioning & the amount of change she had in 2 years is nothing short of amazing! MTF 2 year transition - YouTube Check out this vid, it will help a bit! I was amazed at how much change was involved! Hormones change A LOT! Ive already had a few trans people, as well as cisgender people, tell me that the hormones will do wonders for me, so dont discount how well they may help if thats the path you choose.

As for getting on HRT, my endo operates on an informed consent model, meaning that if a person understands the risks involved with being on hormones (risk of blood clots, risks to the liver, etc), then hormones are available to that person. I know a friend who lives in eastern Canada who did online consultations & sort of like therapy chats, in a way, but not really therapy, with my endo here in ON, & after 2 months (I think thats how long she said it took), my endo recommended & gave her the percriptions to start her HRT. And this was done online between my friend in NS & my endo in ON, so there are options available. While I did take the time to see a therapist IRL, I knew I was sure about transitioning & felt that seeing my endo was the best choice for me. It saved me a lot of therapy that I felt was unneccesary in my case & a lot of money for that therapy just to be able to get onn HRT. Best thing of all, I have a very qualified medical professional supervising my transition, which is something I was adamant about. In your case, it sounds like youre still unsure a bit about your own gender identity, so at least consulting a therapist for the purposes of sorting out those issues may be best for you. But you dont necessarily have to go thru a therapist & wait a huge amount of time in order to get on HRT prescribed by an endocrinologist!

 

I know some people in NS who are trans, & they are all very supportive of each other. Jennifer McCreath is a trans activist out that way, I believe she is in Newfoundland, & I do know a few trans people in NS as well. You may have to do some searching, but there is a trans community in NS. They may be close to you & I think talking with them may possibly help you as well. You may have to do some searching online to see if you can find them, but I know talking with people who are & have gone thru what you & I have felt & are feeling now was very helpful for me!

 

Actually, I was just put on HRT on Jan 30th & had the prescriptions for me, but I am starting this week on HRT, since I had to sort out how to pay for everything first. I got a bit lucky & found out last week that my college's student health insurance covers 80% of all 3 of my HRT meds, so yay! Im super excited about going to the pharmacy this week!!!

 

Ive known I was a girl since I was 6 years old, but had the hardest time dealing with it. I cant begin to tell you how many times my mom caught me wearing girls clothes/underwear/bras etc starting around age 8 & all the way thru & including my 20s. Ive also known I was a lesbian since I was about the age of 12, but it didnt really hit home for me that I was a gay girl until the first time I has sex when I was 19. I felt so disgusted with my body & myself over what I had done, despite being hugely attracted to the girl I had been with. It felt unnatural & just plain wrong, so much so, that it was another 2 years since I had sex again with a girl. In fact, sex is so upsetting for me, having the wrong body, that I stopped about 7 years ago this May. I know that's a bit more than you asked, but long story short, Ive known I was a girl since I was 6 & Ive wanted a normal female body since I was 6. I didnt deal very well with it over the years. I spent a lot of my life drinking heavily & I still have issues with binge eating when Im upset, but since I finally came out, Ive been much better at coping healthier & being happier than I have been for pretty much my whole life. And I found that all of my friends were the amazing, caring & supportive people Ive always thought they were. I am out to all of my friends, both all of the ones Ive known for years, including the ones Ive known for like 20 years, as well as all of my more recent friends that Ive either only known for the last year or two & the ones I just met in September when I started college, & I did not lose one single friend at all. I count myself extremely lucky to have so many incredible people in my life, I really do. I dont think Id be starting on HRT now without everyone's love & support.

Sorry for such a long & roundabout & sometimes unrelated answer, but you are most certainly not pestering me! You can always ask me questions &, if I can help or I have an answer, Ill be more than happy to get back to you! Ill be honest tho, I dont know everything, since Im a girl learning her way thru the process as well! lol! Transitioning tends to be a process that is different for everyone, but there are certainn aspects that are similar for all of us! A lot of what I know is from what Ive researched online. If youre looking for some good sites, I recommend Transsexual Road Map . One of the best sites Ive seen for info on transitioning, and the woman who runs the site, Andrea James, really knows her stuff! It's a good place to start if you're looking for info! Be wary, some sites are better for reliable info than others tho...

 

Well, one way to think of it is this way: are you happy inside a male body or if you were to wake up tomorrow, still yourself, but in a female body. Would you be alarmed or upset that you had a female body or would you feel more yourself? Would you want to go back to being male as soon as you could or would you feel like you wanted to see how things felt first in your new body? Anyway, that's one way to think about it...

As for transitioning, I wouldnt worry about how you look. Keep in mind that there are many, many cisgendered women who were born female that are less than attractive by society's standards, but they are still female. It's the same for trans women as well. Just because you may not look like Jessica Biel, it shouldnt be the only criteria for if you want to transition. Like I said, homones change A LOT, so take that into account. Also, youre in a fortunate position at your age to be considering everything, since transitioning sooner rather than later is better. Your body is still not set in stone as far as hormones & biology go in many respects, so you have time in your favour at the moment! So starting now on HRT or in the next couple of years would be much better than if you decided to start HRT say, in your 50s. Dont discount yourself based only on outward appearances, since transtioning isnt only just about matching what society says is beautiful. Honestly, if I was 450 lbs & looked horrible, Id still have made this decision for myself. Women come in all shapes & sizes, & passing as female doesnt mean looking like a supermodel, not at all, so dont let that be the only thing holding you bac from making any kind of decision, one way or the other. The best rule of thumb when it comes to deciding whether or not to transition is this: will I be happier & more comfortable & is this what I really want for myself. Dont let society or anyone else pressure you into a decision!