Please read!!! I came out to my mom when I was 14, almost 3 years ago. Just like, ten minutes ago, I came out to my dad. Before you start congratulating me and stuff, I just wanted to share a few things. Our conversation (which was through the phone) essentially went: Dad: blahblahblah school blahblahblah work Me: I'm gay. Dad: Oh........ how do you know that. Me: I just... do. Dad: Ok well, I still love you. So... Just keep me up to date on your schedule and we'll have dinner sometime. You may be thinking "Oh that's great! He wasn't mad!" but that's why I put this in support/advice - because after telling him I have the absolute worst feeling that he's extremely disappointed. Like, his voice changed. He didn't sound like he was crying and he didn't raise his voice or anything... But I don't know. The topic change threw me off guard. What are your thoughts and opinions? Thanks a bunch. x
I think he might be in shock...but his immediate reaction seems well. I think you should take positively. Although we don't know the reason behind his disappointment, but he still said, "I still love you."
Hi there! First off, congratulations on coming out to your dad! Well done! Maybe he feels a bit uncomfortable talking about it at this point, or just needs a bit of time to adjust to the news. But and that said, from what you have mentioned, he did give you an important clue and that is that he still loves you, no matter what. It sounds more to me that he doesn't think it is a big deal. If you think about it, if your dad would have thought it would be a big deal or if he would have a problem with it, do you think he would have changed the topic this easily? Give him a big hug and say thanks dad!
Something similar happened to me... my mom is Christian, and said some mean things about it, but she didn't actually seem all that sad or disappointed... but my dad, who was very accepting, looked like I had told him a close family member had died or something. It's sort of unnerving, even if they do say they still love you and stuff. =/
I second Mirko - the affirmation on his part is a very good sign. Also, as for this: I'm sure his voice did change - this may have been a surprise for him. Depending on how much they know, parents anticipate this with a wide variety of perception. The "how do you know" thing makes me think this is somewhat news to him - how close are your parents? Would he have heard from your mom? So the voice change could be nothing more than that, and I would assume from the rest of the conversation that that's exactly what happened. I count this as a definitely positive experience. Give him some time to adjust to the idea (I don't mean don't talk about it, just don't expect too much from him too soon), and I anticipate a happy future here. Congratulations, again! (!)
I agree with Mirko. I had a similar experience coming out to my mom. She seemed a little shocked, but let the conversation continue as if I hadn't said anything (after the obligatory "I'll love you no matter what", of course). Regardless of how open-minded someone is, if they have a mental image of you as being straight, when they find out you're not they're going to have some cognitive dissonance. They need time to get used to the idea, but after that everything should be ok.
Seems like shock to me but it sounds like he took it pretty well. I know a lot of people who will trade what your dad said for what their's said.
My theory: I think it's very much like Tetraquark's explanation. Your dad doesn't have a script. It's like you stopped him in the middle of reciting a well-rehearsed speech, and you told him, "suddenly, you have to address a whole different topic that you don't know anything about. Good luck." Therefore, it's not that he's really sure that this is a BAD THING, but he doesn't know WHAT kind of thing it is, and he might be scared he'll make himself look like a fool. He'll feel better if you get a boyfriend he can hit it off with and drink beers with, especially if he can clean gutters. Putting your dad in a situation where he can make a good impression on somebody and feel like he knows what he's doing would cure the whole problem. Assuming I am guessing correctly, anyway.
