Hello all, maybe you remember me, maybe you don't. Either way, I'm out now to family, including parents and to friends and anyone I meet, I won't lie about it, but don't scream it at the top of my lungs either. I have since met a nice guy, who is now my boyfriend. I have also moved out and we now have an apartment together. Well, my dream has come true and I've finally been hired as a Law Enforcement Officer...or...a cop...but really a Deputy Sheriff. I start rather soon. Won't say where or when for sake of anonymity but soon. I don't know if showering is involved at the Academy, but it's something I've been worried about in addition to the whole "probably the only gay Recruit there" thing. But overall, I'm looking for advice on how to handle myself. I've entered a rather "macho" career field and with that comes some homophobia...possibly. I live in CA and most people who are hired are in their 20's or at oldest, early 30's. So they're from "our generation" and not "that generation" of full-on haters. Regardless, it's still an issue. Obviously, 98% of my time will be spent getting screamed at by staff, in class, running/working out/getting "smoked" etc., training or taking tests. However, by going through that 98% and the other 2% of relax time, the people in your class become your second family, so they say. With that comes personal questions and people may inquire about if I'm married, if not, am I dating anyone. Or if they want to study outside of class, maybe they'd come to my apartment or something. Eventually, the topic of me being gay will probably come up and I was wondering how YOU might recommend approaching it. 1) Say I'm not dating anyone. This is essentially lying and as an Officer, lying is the last thing you do. Integrity is everything, even if it is embarrassing or may hurt your image. 2) Say I'm dating someone, but change the topic back to them. Avoid the situation. 3) Yes I'm dating someone, and if they push it further, tell the truth. 4) <insert your opinion here> Thanks again for the year(s?) of support and without you all, I honestly would not be where I am now. I really think I'd still be an angry kid stuck in the closet. For that, I owe you everything. Thank you.
If I was in your position I wouldn't even make it an issue. If you turn it into 'a thing' then that's how people are going to treat it, you know? I wouldn't hide your boyfriend, but I wouldn't exactly flaunt him at first either. Like, for example, if you and your boyfriend go out somewhere just say "Oh, me and (Insert boyfriend's name here) went to Le Pantaloons Fance' and had a really good time..blah blah blah." But I wouldn't refer to him as your boyfriend, at least not at first. Let people get to know you a little before you come out to anyone, but if they ask you point-blank then I would just be honest about it. Lying or hiding who you are to make friends will only screw you over in the future, and like you said, it really damages your integrity which is everything in Criminal Justice, but you already knew that. I'm interning at my hometown's Intensive Probation Office and we work with the sheriffs all the time, so I know exactly what you're talking about, but I really think that the police forces are more gay-friendly than a lot of people give them credit for. I haven't exactly came out to either of the guys I'm shadowing but they have to suspect something, I'm a pretty obvious gay, but I'm totally accepted and they love me there and both of them are 'macho.' One is a biker in his free-time and the other is a bodybuilder, so. All of you are going to see, or probably already have seen, so many crazy and eccentric people on the job that a LGBT individual is just another face, which is how it should be. Anyway, congratulations on getting into the academy and stuff. Good luck!
Thanks, I appreciate it. I also agreed with the point you made of not making it an issue and no one else will either. As well as letting people get to know ME as a person, before they see me as a label.
I think it varies within different departments. For example, in Toronto, the metropolitan police actively recruit gay men to become police officers... and yet, there's still at least a strong perception of a culture of homophobia within the department. I know there are a fair number of gay sheriffs and state troopers in the Sacramento area, but I don't know what their out status is, nor what sort of issues, if any, gay officers face. Depending on where specifically you're planning to be based, some cities have very strong anti-discrimination laws in employment (San Francisco, specifically, comes to mind) and others less so, and that could also be a consideration for you. I do think that over time it will become less and less of an issue, and I suspect that there's a fair amount of sensitivity training on LGBT issues for sheriffs because there are so many gay people in California... so I don't think it will necessarily be a bad thing to come out, but I would suggest doing so over time, and somewhat slowly, *after* they've already had a chance to get to know you other than just as "that gay guy."
Hey! I went through BCT (basic combat training), and you start to love being smoked! That is, you start to love it when you realize that the only people who are hurt by it are the ones who aren't doing what they are supposed to or don't care. It's so satisfying, though, because you know you've put out a good effort and worked hard to get in shape, so it is so satisfying then to see all the slackers and no-goods suffer and groan. No, you won't be the only gay person there, but you might be the only gay person there who is out of the closet. That is something to think about. You might end up being in there with some poor sap who is hiding and scared, neurotic and screwed-up like you once were, and that I think is likely to be the toughest kind of thing to handle. Anyway, when you're battle-buddies with somebody, you can't think of them like you would other guys. It would be like being attracted to your brother: it just doesn't feel right. I've been there, and it is really surprising how much your sexuality no longer matters when you're like second family with somebody. As far as "macho," nope! In fact, when you are in training for a combat-like job, they actually want to teach you to have warm, snuggly feelings toward your comrades, and they do all kinds of things to promote bonding. Also, they don't want you to be "macho" or any bull crap like that at all: their aim is to teach you to be able to follow orders and execute them with crisp perfection, without argument. Being a good soldier is more like being a being a good puppydog than any profession in the world. If sheriff training is anything like BCT, you are going to love being in training. It's the most fun you will ever have, and you'll only wish you could do it again. However, if you try to slack off, you're going to look back on it and think they were very cruel to you. Remember that: it makes a huge difference if you really want to do a good job. ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2012 at 07:22 AM ---------- Oh, and addressing the topic, I would point out that it is unprofessional and inappropriate to go too far in discussing personal topics, but say, "if you really want to know, I prefer guys." No need to hide it. If some idiot wants to grill you on your sex life and hears something he doesn't like, he asked for it.
@Chip - The Chief of Police of SF is openly gay and LAPD has a day for LGBT recruitment and also go to LGBT job fairs. I'm sure part of the training has to do with dealing with all kinds of different people and wouldn't be surprised if they quickly touch on LGBT people. @Christiaan - Never thought of it like that - not only gay guy, but only out gay guy...probably true. Regarding PT, I think I'm in pretty good shape at least when comparing myself to the people I saw on the physical agility testing day. My running isn't superb, but I'll do pushups, situps and pullups all damn day. I didn't mean that they'd teach us to be "macho" as that is not a good thing at all in Law Enforcement, but what I meant is that sometimes those types like to get into positions of power. From what I've seen so far though, most of the other future recruits I've met all seem actually pretty nice. As for loving training...I think the first few week(s) might suck as it is an adjustment and they try to destroy you, but after that I think I'll love it, especially the last ~3 months where practical applications occur and you start to actually become a Deputy who can do things besides stand there and look good. Hmm pretty good answer. I think people have better things to worry about at first, like surviving the first week(s), but later on as people bond more it may come up and by then they'll probably know me well enough where it won't be an issue, just another fact about me.
Personally I would act as if it's not a big deal. I worked for a car dealership a while ago and was outed by a former coworker. Instead of hiding I owned it and became fully out. After a while it was no big deal at all. If anything I became closer to a number of people because they thought it took a lot of courage for me to be fully out in such a macho workplace.
I'm a police officer so I can honestly tell you that you will catch a lot of crap from some people. I'm straight, but curious, and I know it would be really difficult to tell the guys. If I were you, I'd be honest but don't let being "gay" be your defining trait. Go into the academy and bust your butt and impress the other recruits. I don't care my co-workers sexual preference as long as they do a good job. Best of luck to you!
Thanks for the info, TnC. We start 1 week from Monday and everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off already. I don't think anyone will have time to have any conversations for a while where "Got a girlfriend?" becomes a topic of any interest.
Just be a good cop and let that be your defining characteristic! I worked around law enforcement daily in my last job and one of the most respected veterans of the city police force was an open lesbian. She is a wonderful lady and a very good police officer. I for one respected her more than a lot of the macho, gung-ho cops who give good officers a bad name, due to her excellence in law enforcement. It's a job that can really get to someone and change them, so be strong once you get out on street. This job will test you in every way, and in some ways you never imagined. It can make you stronger or it can corrupt you utterly. Too often people want to define us as their "gay friend" and I do not care for that. I want to be remembered as a good guy, not as a gay guy! It sounds a silly as saying, "my transgender friend (insert name) and I went to a movie." Who cares that she's transgender, let's hear about the movie!:icon_bigg Let your defining characteristic be your excellence in your career. Maybe you can be a source of education for your fellow officers, because they will inevitably end up dispatched to a 415 involving a same-sex couple at some point. It's only as big a deal as you allow it to be. If your fellow recruits aren't comfortable with you that's their problem. You can't be responsible for their emotions, and in the end it's neither acceptable or legal for them to treat you worse for being gay.
