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Am I what I think I am?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Israela, Feb 21, 2012.

  1. Israela

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    Okay, so since I hit puberty, I've been thinking I shouldn't've been born a guy. I've been thinking about how I like wearing girls' clothes, what they look like, and stuff like that. Then I began liking how a girls' body looks like (not in a sexual way). Then I began wishing I looked like that, and I began hating my bodily appearance as a guy. In a sense, I want to look pretty, too. As a guy, I'm really ugly. Beard, leg, arm, and belly hair, etc.

    After a while, I began to realize that I really wasn't like the other boys; I was like the girls. I'm not very masculine in any sense of the word.I only act masculine to keep up my facade. I've been acting like a male chauvinist to make sure all the girly stuff I do/like becomes less ostentatious. Although I do it keep up the facade, I really don't approve of male chauvinism. It's stupid. Even though now some of the things I'd do is purely habitual.

    Now, the main reason why I bring this question up, is because one of the people I told about this wanting-to-be-a-girl thing, doesn't really think I am what I said I was. She thinks that I'm just wanting to be a girl 'cause I don't want to be in my own skin. Now that they may be true, She may be right, but I'd like to know your opinions. How did any of you decide, "I'm not supposed to be the gender I was born as"?
     
  2. Jim1454

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    Hi there, and welcome to EC. You've come to the right place.

    Unfortunately, I'm not sure I can really help you, as I haven't struggled with my gender identity - just my orientation. But hopefully others can chime in here with their thoughts.

    Whether or not it's a clear cut 'decision' that you can arrive at or something you just have to arrive at over time is hard to say. Have you been able to take advantage of any counselling? I guess not if you've only shared these thoughts with one person. The more you can talk about it the better you'll be able to feel, and the more clear this will become for you.
     
  3. Israela

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    Well I'd like to come out and tell everyone, but, well, the reception I got with painted nails wasn't exactly a nice one. Let alone wearing girls' clothes, which I'd never do around my family or schoolmates. Accept for the ones I flat out and told about it all. Bad idea to tell a pothead though, she might tell everyone before I'm ready. As for counselling, I don't know who I could visit. I'm sure my school counselor isn't exactly an expert on Gender Identity. Let alone strictly confidential.
     
  4. pinkclare

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    You are the only person who can possibly know who you are and how you feel. Don't let someone else tell you who you are or aren't. Friends are important, but they're seeing you through their own lens.

    If you feel like you may be happier living as a woman with a female body, that's worth exploring. It's your life and you have the right to live it in a way that's going to make you happy.

    Are there other friends who may be more open minded who you can share with? Or if you're looking for a more professional relationship to talk to about such things, ask at any local (or even national if there aren't any close by) LGBT organizations. They will have plenty of resources about gender identity.
     
  5. Israela

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    Well I have told a handful of friends and a bunch of people on another forum I frequent. Only one person really seemed to care. But yeah, I'd really like to get a hold of some sort of professional to help me think about this. I've only known of transsexuals or transgendered people, whatever the right term is, but I've never personally known any. What would be a good organization for me to contact via the Internet? I want to know more before I say anything to my parents.
     
  6. Hexagon

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    As others have said, I can't diagnose you as trans, or cisgendered for that matter. But this is what happened to me:

    I started questioning. I became entrenched in what other people told me to do (aka not be trans) so I decided to find a therapist to tell me what I was. Therapist did not tell me what I was, and tried to make me do lots of talking, an activity which I despise. I decided it wasn't worth the effort, and that I could decide what I was by not listening to what anyone else had to say and just asking myself questions and answering them without reservation or fear. I concluded that it was blindingly obvious that I was trans and decided to transition. I changed my name, changed school, changed country, and felt happy. In three weeks exactly, i should be getting a hormone prescription, barring any further complications.
     
  7. pinkclare

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    Hard to say which would be best for you because I have no idea how old you are or which country you live in. I really only know much about organizations in the United States, although you would certainly be able to correspond with them via email from anywhere in the world.

    If you're an adult, try The Transgender Center in San Francisco, or pretty much any branch of PFLAG. (PFLAG's TNET)

    If you are a youth (under 21ish), the best organizations to contact are TransActive and Gender Spectrum.

    I'm sorry the people in your life you chose to share such personal information with don't seem to care. We here at EC definitely do!
     
  8. Israela

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    Sounds like a plan I've thought of. Waiting until I was old enough, and leave for another country and finding myself there. Never really feel at home here, anymore, in America. I respect therapists, but I couldn't explain it well enough, and they wouldn't help. But how are you getting hormone treatment? Did you talk to your normal doctor?

    ---------- Post added 23rd Feb 2012 at 09:25 PM ----------

     
    #8 Israela, Feb 23, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2012
  9. pinkclare

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    You can look through the resources at TransActive's website using incognito browser just like you do to go here, but I strongly suggest you actually make contact with them so you can get guidance specific to your situation. Since they provide counseling and other client services on site, their entire staff is bound by HIPAA law (complete confidentiality, even for minors your age seeking services without parental involvement).

    If you're worried your parents may be looking into your online activity, I suggest you continue to use your incognito browser, and make a completely new email address just for related correspondence that isn't connected to anything else (don't use your real name or a screen name you use on any other sites).
     
  10. Israela

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    I can't find anything that'd allow me to act about this freely without payment I cannot make, or without my parents in the process. I only wish to make an evaluation of myself and see if this is a step I must take in order to "feel pretty." All in all, this seems like something I'd have to wait for my 18th birthday to even get a chance to talk about getting hormonal treatment, let alone paying for treatment that's expensive. My only hope is to have someone take me to the doctor, have them leave the room, and discuss testosterone suppression. But still my parents would find out and laugh at me or call me stupid.
     
  11. pinkclare

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    A good way to evaluate whether this is something you want/need to do is to discuss it with a trans-experienced mental health professional. You have the right to access mental health care without the involvement of your parents and there are some professionals that work on a sliding-scale fee structure (I don't want to keep harping TransActive if you really don't want to talk to them, but they will literally take a nickel as payment if that's all you can afford and most of their services are free anyway).

    If you do decide to go the route of hormones, your parents MAY have to consent depending on the laws about minor healthcare in your area, but the same mental health professionals and organizations who can help you figure out what your needs are will be able to help you "come out" to your parents and educate them on gender identity so they won't just laugh at you.

    And for what it's worth, hormones are fairly cheap in terms of prescription meds, more and more insurance companies are agreeing to cover them, and again, there are doctors and clinics operating with sliding-scale fees. Whatever you do, don't let a money issue stop you from living the life you need to live. Keep asking for help and resources when you need and you will be able to find a way to afford it.
     
  12. Israela

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    I know that's true... But I'm still going to look into getting some sort of cash flow going so I'm not limited to what I can learn and do. And then I'd be able to get my parents to allow me to have a debit card, maybe.
     
  13. pinkclare

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    That's a good idea. It's never too early to start becoming financially independent if your parents may not be supportive of what you need to do in your life.

    Good luck!
     
  14. Israela

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    Thanks! I hope this little quest is successful.