I'm going to college next year with my best friend next year, and on top of that, we have decided to room together. I truly wish he was just my best friend, but I happen to have feelings for him. We would room in a quad, seperated in two rooms, so we decided that we would each be in one with our other roommates. Two things. First, I have noticed some things indicating he may be gay as well, but then I tell myself that I only perceive this, because I want him to be. Second, I'm hoping that in college, I will find someone else that I have stronger feelings for, causing these feelings to go away, leaving us to be just friends. I don't want to give up our great friendship, but I don't know if this could really impact my college years. I just really need some advice on what to do. I feel like people are going to say separate yourself from him, but its just not that easy; he doesnt even know I'm probably gay (nor does anyone).
That's a tough place to be, I feel for you. Honestly, I wish I could take back my college years and live them open. There were so many wonderful people there and I watched them all from the peephole in the door. I met two people who likes me, one because his roommate told me and the other because I could tell he was crushing on me. I avoided both of them because I was in the closet and refused to come out because of shame even though I know now I had no reason to be ashamed. Answering your question, it's gonna be tough and I recognize your stake in the game. I'd tell your nest friend about your orientation, at least that you question it. I'd tell him that you don't want to see a sacrifice to your friendship, but, you also don't want to live a lie and have to either sneak around or abstain. I'd hold on the crush part, at least until it comes up naturally in a conversation.
Wow you are really in a rut. First what I would do is drop subtle hints every now and again to see how he responds. Also you might want to find out his views on this stuff. I wouldn't ask him outright but just try to ease it into a conversation.
Based on past experience, my advice is to never move in with someone you have an unrequited crush on. It is extremely painful and has the potential to destroy your friendship. If he dates other people in front of you, there could be a major jealousy factor there. If you are curious, I think your best bet would be to come out to him, especially if you're close enough to where you think he will be accepting of you. If he is gay, chances are he would take the opportunity to come out to you as well. If not, well, then you know where you stand and you can date other people in comfort without having to sneak around.
if u think u are going to be out adn gay in college, i think u should tell him before you guys room together because its going to come out sooner or later unless u are going to be in hiding there. if you are going to be in hiding there, then there's no need to tell him. if you are going to tell him now, then you can see if he is ok with it adn still ok with you. and if he is gay he may open up to you too. ---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2012 at 01:46 PM ---------- that's good advice. plus if he comes out to the rooomie and the roomie keeps up the straight thing, then atlesat the kid knows that its not going to happen with the roommate and he can move on. i also agree roooming with someone u like is toture.
Well I know he is pro-gay. Him and my other close friend are really supportive of gays, but im really scared of coming out to them still. I'm currently in therapy and hopefully I will soon be able to come out to them and solve my problems. Logically, I know it is probably not a good idea to room with him, but at the same time, it'd also be with 2 other people and it'd be really weird/hard trying to tell him I don't want to room with him. We already know the third person in our room so should I just completely back out of it?
ok, they are pro-gay, so taht's fine. just room with him and then you will know that he is ok with you being gay. when you are ready to come out to him, you can tell him that you are gay and it will be ok becuase you know he is progay. as far as you liking him, you do not know if he is gay or not but since he is pro gay you can feel safe to come out to him and if he is gay, he will tell you. and if he is interested in you he will try and put the moves on you. if not, he wont. if he doesnt then you should forget about him in that way and focus on some gay guy you can date in college. sounds like you have a win-win situation. keep the roommate and continue your therapy
