I'm in love with my best friend and for a really long time I thought she had slight feelings for me as well. The thing is I never told anyone I liked girls until about a month ago (I told my best friend and my sister) So last year I met my best friend in college. I knew I was attracted to her even before we became friends because I started to notice her in the classes we had together. I made sure that we got to hang out and know each other through facebook and events that happened at school and at parties. The thing is my mind started playing tricks on me (I guess) because I started to believe she liked me and was interested in being more than just friends. The main reason I started believing this was because at one point during a party we were dared to kiss each other and we did. The thing is ... we didn't just kiss once ... we kissed several times at 3 different parties and every single time ! (except once) she kissed me. I never initiated it. Also, a couple of weeks after we kissed she told me that she was never shy kissing me or telling me she loved me because I was her best friend (and I totally interpreted that wrong). We text each other constantly and it started to really bother me how in love I was with her and how she had no idea. So, about a month ago I told her that I had feelings for her that were stronger than just us being friends (I didn't use the word love as I was completely sure that might scare her away) and she told me that I should understand that she doesn't feel the same way for me and so on and so forth. The good news is our friendship remains the same. Nothing has changed. But.... I'm still in love with her and I really don't know how to get over her without changing anything. What I really want is to meet someone else.. someone that would actually be interested in me in that way but it's a little hard considering barely anyone knows about me yet and I'm not sure if I'm ready to come completely out yet.
First off: Awww Im really sorry that happened to you. You should start looking for someone who will love you back, thats probably your best bet with this. Has she kissed you sense you told her or no?
We live 3 hours away from each other. We communicate through texting. We used to go to college together but we both graduated. The thing is we both plan on going to the same university in September once we find out whether or not we get accepted. She hasn't kissed me since ... but I haven't seen her since my birthday in October either. So I'm not quite sure it's going to be like once we do meet up again face to face. It'll probably be awkward. But seriously I'm glad to talk about it and have people reading a replying. It makes me feel better. I know I have to find someone else it's just a little hard considering no one really knows about me and no one would suspect that about me. I'm not sure I'm ready to tell my friends and family but I do know I'm ready to meet someone.
I think first and foremost, once you do see her again, it is important to set some boundary lines. Be aware of your own fantasy. It is far too easy to nurse it along and keep it going, especially since you want it to be true. Maybe things will be different, but if she still flirts with you and the like, and she maybe not be aware of it, it is really important to let her know how this is affecting you and your ability to have a normal friendship with her. Be clear that this, a normal friendship, is what you want. I am in love with my super straight best friend and I constantly have to be aware of the fact that I don't want to become more entangled with him, even though my craziness urges me to. Even though I like when he puts his arm around me once in a while, I don't want to live out this fantasy and so I try not to take advantage of what he is comfortable with. My time on this site has taught me that often time and finding another relationship is what you need to get over this one. I think as gay people, we often fall for our best friends because they can be like BF/GF light, which is wonderful if we are not fully out for a number of reasons, and it is often the first person of the same gender that we get to know on a very personal level, but of course you are in a tough spot, and I am sort of at the end of that path, as I am almost on the verge of being generally out. I have found though, that as I have come out, my feelings have have lessened, as the possibility of a real relationship becomes more tangible. Rather than focusing on something I want and thought I could not have, I am now focusing trying to find someone who will reciprocate my feelings. Its not an easy path for anyone, gay or straight, to get over feelings for someone who does not return them especially when you are in such close contact with them, but this is one of the many things that will begin to work themselves out as you make your journey out of the closet. I promise you, though you probably can't imagine it right now and I certainly couldn't, that things do tend to pan out well.
The thing is ... it will be quite difficult to set some boundaries as we decided not to ever bring this subject up again. She has a pretty sturdy head on her shoulders and I'm quite sure she won't be attempting to make the situation between us any more complicated than it already is. I understand exactly what you were talking about. The slightest touch from the person you're attracted to and it's like the biggest thing in the world. I really have to hard on not trying to make a big deal our of these things because I know that it's only hurting me. I have realized that after I told her how I felt and after I told my sister ... I don't feel as attached as I once was. I used to be extremely depressed once a week and that hasn't happened since I've told her about a month ago. It might be because I'm more focused on finding someone that will love me rather than trying to convince someone that never will... I'm hoping it's getting better for me and I know that the path I'm taking now won't be any easier because finding someone is extremely difficult when you still want to keep it secret.
